Who should pay the travel costs re: making sure that child retains contact with non-resident parent?

[legallyblonde]

Maybe I should have put this in the "Am I Being Unreasonable?" section instead but anyway...

My DH spends approximately £100/ month on train fares to go and collect his daughter (who lives with his ex partner) for her to spend the weekend/ holidays with us and then to take her back home again at the end of her stay.
He pays a big chunk of his income to his ex-P every month via in child support.
He and his ex-P didn't go to court to arrange residency/ contact and agreed everything amicably themselves without the need for a court order.
I know that his ex-P bears most of the burden relating to the care of the girl but she chose that and she gets all the money for it.

I am going slowly insane about the fact that legally (as far as I can remember from my family law studies - I am a solicitor but not a family law solicitor) both parents are responsible for making sure that a child retains contact with the non-resident parent i.e. not only would it be nice but also a court is quite likely to order that, every now and then, she should bring the child to stay with us and should bear some of the travel costs.

Just to give you an idea how that mother treats us: she now wants us to have the child for the whole summer holidays because otherwise she "would have to pay for child care." I'm not kidding!!
My partner refuses to challenge her on anything because she has threatened to stop him from seeing his daughter (Yes - really!)

Please can someone advise me what the legal situation is here and how best to resolve it because I am about to blow my top and give that mother a piece of my mind! Grrr!

[chaosisawayoflife]

I feel so sorry for your dsd. I can't believe that you are willing to risk your husbands relationship with her for the sake of £25 a week. I can't imagine he's too keen on that idea, and if £25 is more important to him than his daughter then why are you having a child with him? That poor girl, she probably already feels unwelcome in your home and that is only going to get worse when your child is born. If you can't accept that your husband has baggage and responsibilities outside of your relationship, why the hell did you marry him?

[Webuyanycardotcom]

Going to court is just going to put a bomb in the middle of everyone's relationships. Given how you describe their parting, if you think it can happen without mud slinging then you are very naive. You're already aware that she may stop contact yet you seem determined to press ahead.

I don't understand it. I get that it's hugely frustrating when things aren't "fair" (although I think in this case it's not unreasonable for you to bear all the costs), I get that it's hugely frustrating when one party behaves badly, when there's no negotiation over things. I've been there. But you have to pick your battles and if it's not that important (and I don't think this is) you just have to let it go IMO. It doesn't help your dsd to have the most important people in her life fighting over her.

And I think it's really sad that after 8 years you refer to your dsd as "the child".

[Sweetassugar85]

What everyone is telling you is basically sit down and shut up! How dare you have feelings or thoughts!!
I on the other hand totally agree with you! And quite honestly if you are expecte to have her for the holidays and pay child ate And still pay child maintenance during this time it's absolutely taking the p*ss !!! And anyone that says otherwise is definitely the mother doing this kindof thing! Your husband needs to grow a pair and realise this can't go on!! You need to discuss this with him, if he is a family with you then you should be considered! And we'll if she stopped his child seeing him because of this he would be cutting her nose off to spite he face now would t she! As she would then have to pay for childcare over the summer and would also haveno one to have her every other weekend!

[PatriciaHolm]

Another zombie thread! How do these things get found??

[nomes1975]

take her to court the questions is who moved away if he moved away he should be responsible for paying the travel cost not her
child support only cover the expense of food and clothing for the child think your self lucky im going throw the court at the moment 3 time i have a disable child and hes farther has moved 100 kl away from me i reserve no help with the child or expenses to my son medical cost i have given up working to be his full time care person as he goes to school part time and i take him two appointments weekly yet this is not good enough and he think i should do the travel every two week there my son dose not like to go there why he there in the holidays he put in to child care at 6am till 6pm at night i think if he want to help my son he live closer im a reasonable person and i would let him see my child as much as he like to but i think he just being a dickhead and it his choice were he lives i also think why would you not take the child for the holidays if she offed it to you and if she threaten you to stop visitation take her to court she cant sound like you need to for the sake off the child

[MissMalice]

This thread is nine years old. You might want to start one of your own.

[Inliverpool1]

My ex deducts his travel costs from
The csa and then claims the petrol back from work too. There’s plenty of piss takers around

[Inliverpool1]

🙈

[Rufusdufus77]

OK so I need advice....
My ex and father of our child, moved away when she was 3 years old. We agreed at the time that he would have her on the majority of half terms and 4 weeks of the summer holidays with Christmas being alternated.
I stated I was happy with this arrangement but that I would not being the one doing the transportation or paying for the fuel as it was his decision to move. He agreed and said that he wouldn't expect me to do this as again, this was his decision.
Somehow or another, we have ended up 7 years later meeting at a halfway point (which is a 400 miles round trip for us both) and I am having to pay for the petrol to do this. Once at the beginning of the week and then at the end when I collect her.
He gives me £100 a month maintenance (which coincidently comes from his new wife's account) and when I take out the petrol costs spread throughout the year, that leaves £5 a week for our child. He doesn't help in any other way (ie school uniform or trips etc).
Am I being unreasonable to argue this and request money for the petrol?
Thanks all x

[Myneighbourskia]

Apart from the travel expenses, I think she's taking the absolute piss expecting you to take SD for the full 6 weeks summer holidays or whatever. Max I would agree to is half. She'll just have to get childcare for the other half.

[Rufusdufus77]

He has her for 4 weeks, I have her for 2 of the summer holidays.

[prh47bridge]

@Rufusdufus77

He has her for 4 weeks, I have her for 2 of the summer holidays.

You would be better off starting your own thread than resurrecting a 10-year old one. The previous poster was almost certainly responding to the OP, not you. Other posters are likely to do the same.

[Rufusdufus77]

Hi all,
OK so I need advice....please!
My ex and father of our child, moved away when she was 3 years old. We agreed at the time that he would have her on the majority of half terms and 4 weeks of the summer holidays with Christmas being alternated.
I stated I was happy with this arrangement but that I would not being the one doing the transportation or paying for the fuel as it was his decision to move. He agreed and said that he wouldn't expect me to do this as again, this was his decision.
Somehow or another, we have ended up 7 years later meeting at a halfway point (which is a 400 miles round trip for us both) and I am having to pay for the petrol to do this. Once at the beginning of the week and then at the end when I collect her.
He gives me between £80-£100 a month maintenance (which coincidently comes from his new wife's account) and when I take out the petrol costs spread throughout the year, that leaves £5 a week for our child. He doesn't help in any other way (ie school uniform or trips etc)
He has now said this evening that if he has to drive all the way to get her, then DD will not be getting the maintenance for that month as he will be spending it on fuel.
I work full time and care for her on my own. I get about 100 a month benefits. I do not have the money to be spending on petrol to facilitate contact when he made the decision to move in the first place.
I have decided that I am going to ring CSA on Monday and speak to them.
Please tell me im not going mad or being unreasonable!!
Thanks all x

[prh47bridge]

To say again, you would be better off starting your own thread rather than resurrecting an old one. People will respond to the OP rather than you.

Without knowing how much he earns, there is no way of knowing whether the amount of maintenance he pays is reasonable. I presume this isn't going through the CSA at the moment. It is not unreasonable for you to refer the case to the CSA, but be aware that they take into account any costs he incurs in maintaining contact with your child regardless of who moved.

[Rufusdufus77]

Oh lord, I thought I did start a new post. I'm an idiot. Thank you 👍