Change of surname for my child.

[Jaynee29]

My 11year old daughter has my maiden name. I am due to get married next year to my partner (her step dad) who I have two children with all have his surname. When I take his surname next year my daughter has also said she wants to as well so we can all have the same name and be a family.

The issue we have is my daughter’s father is on the birth certificate, however we were not together at the time hence why she has my maiden name. He hasn’t been in the picture for three years now. He decided to take a step back to focus on his M/H and not see her. We haven’t been in contact since and blocked each other and his family due to issues we were having. Everytime in the past we have been in contact it always affects my MH due to his behaviour towards me and it had to at one stage go through my parents for contact. I’m worried asking him will not go down very well.

My partner has been in my daughter’s life since she was 2 in a half and calls him dad. She’s always said he has been there for her more than her biological dad. Just wanting to see if anyone has any advice?

to add we have seen him a few times since, however he has ignored us, ignored Me, ignored my family and looks alway. He also did it whilst I had my daughter with me.

thank you.

You'd need written consent from the father. Child Deed Poll Information – UK Deed Poll Office

You can’t change her name without her father’s consent.

My DD has the same surname as me. If I ever remarry I’ll keep my surname to match her. If I ever had more children I’d be giving them my surname also, but I probably won’t have more.

You need his consent.

It is odd you odd considering changing your name when you currently match your daughter?

If she truly wants to change her name and this isn’t motivated just by feelings of being left behind, then you will have to deal with your ex and see if he consents.

Thank you, I was just wondering if we could go through legal proceedings with getting in contact with him instead of us having direct contact for example through a solicitor.

my daughter has stated she has wanted his name even before we mentioned about getting married. She mentioned it a few years ago as she thinks of my partner has her dad and wants to be a part of him. Also now since having my two little ones last year she also wants to be the same as them.

You can use a known as name at school..

thank you, I didn’t mentioned about changing surnames to her. She stated a few years ago before marriage was even spoken about that she wanted my partners surname as she thinks of him as a dad. Then when we had our little ones last year she has been asking a lot to have the same surname has theirs and my partners. We just thought we could do it after we got married.

She obviously wants to not feel like she's the odd one out, it would have made much more sense to give your other children your maiden name and then your new partner also takes your maiden name.

I think in these circumstances I'd think very carefully about changing your name.

I just don’t understand why your two younger children have his name and why you are going to take his name. Make it make sense!!!!

Why didn't you give the twins your name?

Anyway, if the dad isn't on the birth certificate I'm not sure you need his permission, just change it.

Maybe ask your daughter why she thinks girls and women should take a man's name though?

Many schools will no longer do this without permission of everyone with PR (legally they are meant to have permission from everyone with PR to have a known as surname and many now stick to that because of the trouble it can cause when they don’t).

Surely if he's not on the birth certificate he doesn't have PR?

There’s no way to do it without being in touch with her father as he has to give permission.

You could do it through solicitors (at a considerable cost) rather than directly.

If he says no a court is unlikely to agree to a complete change - normally they are ok with double barrelling a name to add the mother or father’s name, but not a total name change.

He's on the birth certificate.

It literally says in the OP that the issue is that he’s on the birth certificate

Don't know how i missed that!

As your new partner is the biological father of your two younger children, he can give permission for these children to change their surname to your maiden name and then when you get married he could take your maiden name too if he chooses to. Then you will all have the same name. And it will be lovely for your oldest to be the one that everyone fits in with, rather than her having to fit in with everyone else.

He is on the birth certificate that’s the point of the thread.

This is a perfect solution, surely?!

Here's your best option op. Why did you give the new 2 a different name to you and daughter? Your stbh can take your name

Apologies if this has offended anyone. I was only looking for advice. The children took his name as we are together, due to be married and for traditional values as I would like to take his surname as would my daughter. I know women dont have to take a man’s surname but my surname is my step dads surname (I wanted my name changed when I was younger to be his as I thought of him as a dad. Anyways i shall seek legal matters instead as we do not have contact with her father or his family.

When my mum remarried, she requested my step father changed his name to hers. Me and my siblings had her maiden name. He did not have any children - so he did. Then other siblings had "our name" not the other way round. You could do that?

I am not being judgemental, it is just a suggestion?

I took my husbands name so am not against it at all. But then again I didnt have previous children and neither did he.

I know a previous poster has said schools won’t change surnames now without consent from all parties, but they did for me. I was known by a different surname at school even if not legally. And as soon as I was 18, I changed my surname by deed poll to my stepfather’s name.

I would approach the headteacher directly and explain the circumstances - that the father is not in the picture and not around to object, and that your child is really eager to have their stepdads name, and you are eager for them to feel included and part of the family. Seriously, it is clear that the father is not around or in contact to object. It does mean her school certificates will be in the old surname but I just have my deed poll certificate with all of my docs and it is fine.

It was really helpful and such a relief for me to be known as my stepdad’s daughter even if I wasn’t legally until 18.

What country are you in as there's different rules?

I had my mother’s maiden name until she married who then changed her name to my step dads. I then changed mine to his surname. I want to change to my partners surname as well to carry on tradition. My daughter has wanted my partners surname before marriage was even mentioned.

Wales (uk)