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Legal matters

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My partners ex is taking him to court.

212 replies

threeprincesses · 06/06/2019 14:38

Hello,

Me and my partner have been together for 10 months now, I'm currently 20 weeks pregnant with our daughter. I have two other daughters from a previous relationship and he has his daughter with his ex. My partner and his ex have had a very sour break up, she really resents him for leaving and when they bicker she is constantly stating how he made the choice to leave her and their daughter. She was absolutely furious when she found out about me and that has made the situation between them very bitter. In February I met their daughter for the first time, we took her to the sea life centre and a few weeks later my partner uploaded a photo of us all. We've both blocked her on all our social media but she somehow had seen the photo and left work early, drove to their daughters nursery picked her up and took her home. This was in my partners time with their daughter, she text him telling him not to bother picking the child up as she already had, he wouldn't be having her as she wasn't allowing him to play happy families, use her child as pawn and upload pictures of her child with me. She stopped contact for two weeks. In this time my partner contacted their mediator who wrote a court order for him and applied to court. They went to court and he was granted every other weekend and every other Tuesday he would have their child over night and his mum would look after her on Wednesday whilst he worked, then he would have dinner with his daughter and drop her back home for 6.30pm that evening. At the time he was living at his parents house and this was all going smoothly. My partner moved into my home on May 11th so informed his ex about this a week later when he had his daughter for their weekend together. He told her that she was spending her first weekend at my home. His ex hit the roof saying she was calling the police and they will be coming to remove the child and bring her home. This all had happened late that evening so it was left until the next day. The next day my partner went to his parents house and called his ex, his parents recorded the phone call and she was screaming down the phone about how he's a liar, she's been looking on my social media, she's seen that I've been looking to swap homes on housing exchange groups etc she asked where her daughters sleeping. He told her that his daughter was sleeping in my two little girls bedroom with them, she was in a toddler bed. (She stated in their last court hearing that she wanted her child in a toddler bed and not a travel cot or anything else other than a toddler bed) and that their child was happy and had nothing to worry about. He said he will write my address down in their contact handover book and he would send her a photograph of the bedroom. It's a huge double bedroom with more than enough room, space and toys. She declined his offer of the photograph and asked what was going to be happening with the Tuesday contact. He told her it would be unfair to have their daughter stay at my house on the Tuesday as that would mean waking her up at 5.30am to take her to his parents house before he left for work. So she was staying at his parents (her grandparents) house on the Tuesday evening, he would have dinner with her, bath her and put her to bed there before he came home, then after work on the Wednesday he would go straight over have dinner with her, spend some time and drop her home at 6.30pm like normal. She wasn't happy with this as he wouldn't be caring for the child overnight and threatened to stop the midweek contact. By this point he was exhausted of arguing so his father text her asking her not to stop the midweek contact as that would be breaching the court order. Well nothing has been said since, we have been having his daughter like normal. Until yesterday, a letter turned up for him from the courts saying she has applied to go back to court. She made the application the following Monday after the weekend she was told about all of this. In her summary she's written that my partner has breached their contact order by making the agreement under false pretences, she said that he is not living at the address he stated and that her daughter is sharing a bedroom with two other children under 5 and she would like the court to review the court order and put more detailed guidelines in place and she also wants minimal contact from her child's father to reduce the conflict. My partner did not make their agreement under false pretences. The court asked where he lived at the time of the court hearing and he stated his parents house because that is where he was living! Their court date is in July and we honestly just can't believe she's dragging them back to court over this. Has anyone been through similar or could offer any advice?

OP posts:
jazzyjee · 07/06/2019 11:24

Haven't rtft however I'm just out of a 3 year relationship. I was 100% sure my exes ex was a total nut job. Was being difficult, trying to stop him seeing his daughter. That she was the devil incarnate.

She wasn't. He was. I was totally blind to it. There may be much more to this entire situation than you know.

S1naidSucks · 07/06/2019 11:26

I don’t expect him to live alone, but for fucks sake, the child is being treated as less important that his needs, your needs and everybody else’s. Your assumption about all no one here knowing what blended families are like just shows how narrow minded your thinking is.

DtPeabodysLoosePants · 07/06/2019 11:29

I truly believe we'll make it until the end and hopefully we do and our children get to grow up together.

I bet his ex thought the same.

My two DDs like spending time with his gf's kids so technically enjoy going there. They hate him though because he's there all the time for his new additions and sees his gf's kids every day and plays daddy to them but he's never there for them. They have to share rooms-4 in one room. It's overcrowded and attention is divided. Your dp's child has gone from being the only one to being a part time one of three with another on the way. My DD's are both on the waiting list for therapy because of their hurt and anger at having a part time dad who prioritises someone else's kids over them. Kids do not always adapt. That's just what selfish parents say to allay their guilt.

I hope the court order gets sorted in a way that is best for the little girl.

Good luck OP!

Shequakes · 07/06/2019 11:35

threeprincesses why cant he have mid week responsibility when she is at school?

Why is he planning that, rather than working towards fixing the problem?

Its not an immediate problem. But this is why 'crazy exs' get frustrated. He wants nid week contact, but its not workable. So he has changed it. And when she goes to school all the school responsibility will fall to the mother. School runs, when the child is off school, homework etc.

While he gets the fun at weekends.

Yes it's a long way down the line. And not what you are asking now. But I bet she is envisioning a future where he keeps changing things AND telling her after it's done and the child is along for the ride.

You may not think everything else is relevant. But it actually is

TheLoneWolfDies · 07/06/2019 11:36

OP stop explaining yourself, the people on here will just continue to write the same thing over and over again with different wording until you give up and stop responding. Its always the same.

DtPeabodysLoosePants · 07/06/2019 11:43

Yep, people rarely like to hear the truth via the voice of experience. OP will find out soon enough for herself and realise that the crazy ex is not crazy after all and her DP is actually a feckless father who only cares about himself.

Shequakes · 07/06/2019 11:51

I for one dont expect her to explain herself.

I am trying to explain the risks she is taking, potential long term upset and why that would concern the mother.

The OP needs to be looking at it from her point of view too.

TheLoneWolfDies · 07/06/2019 11:54

Yes, a point which has been made repeatedly for 6 pages now on a thread asking for legal advice.

MissMalice · 07/06/2019 12:13

The OP needs to be looking at it from her point of view too.

No, the OP has no obligation to do that. It may be wise for the father to do that but it’s not legally necessary. And sometimes it is the ex that is “crazy”.

I agree with TLWD.

IfIwereable · 07/06/2019 12:24

Three sorry you are getting such a hard time

I come from a "broken" home, and have half siblings which I adore. Their DM was the OW my "D"F left us for. My parents never went to court over access or money but this was 20 yrs ago. My DM would never have gone through the courts or stopped my "D"F seeing us as this wouldn't have been in our best interest!!!

I also have DSC who stay at home with us 3 nights a week, things with DH ex have improved (they weren't always so nice) but she still likes to control everything!! We also share a DD so I can see yours and her side.

I understand the jumping through hoops for DSD "best interest" as decided by Ex.

So far all I read is your DSD is a happy child, my DD is also 2 and lets you know when she isn't happy in.

I'm not sure what going to court again would achieve other than possible making further changes to her young life.

Sorry a rambled on there a bit didn't I. Just wanted the send you a Flowers and all the best for your new DD x

YouWhoNeverArrived · 07/06/2019 13:48

@threeprincesses Ignore all of the people who are passing judgements about your family set-up. You came here for legal advice, and I'm glad the legally-qualified posters on this thread have been able to help.

Once your child is born, they will be a half-sibling of your stepdaughter, so it's not unreasonable that your DSD is spending time with you and your kids - your DSD will benefit from having a good relationship with her half-sibling and their family.

As @missmalice alluded to earlier in the thread, so many posters on Mumsnet seem to assume that Mum is the sole arbiter of a child's best interests and has some elevated version of PR that lets her dictate what Dad does on his time. If both parents have PR, then Dad has an equal right to a say.

Dads can't win. If they don't see much of their child, they're rightly criticised for opting out of parenting. But if they step up and want 50/50 or close to it, and involve their child in things like holidays and days out with their subsequent family unit, they're lambasted for "playing happy families".

TheLoneWolfDies · 07/06/2019 15:42

Funny how everyones gone quiet now that a couple of posters have went against the pack isnt it? I see this carry on on far too many threads on here.

DaisyChains6 · 07/06/2019 15:45

I don't really hold judgement about getting pregnant quickly per se. I was pregnant after only being with my ex dh for 5 months.... but, neither of us had any children or been married before. We ended up being together 10 years.

It is a whole new ballgame when you have previous dc though.

With my dp now, my dc go to their dads eow and my dp has his dc eow but we didn't have the same weekend. I swapped weekends with my ex after a year so we all had them together but during that first year when we didn't have the same weekends it was quite nice just getting to know my dp and slowly getting to know his son and vice versa for my dp too. We didn't need to rush in and be a big family in two minutes.

We decided not to have children together because between us we have 3 already which is enough! It seems to be a thing where people feel they must have children together or they don't feel "bonded" or something.

We still don't live together after 3 years which works out ok because when you rush into it all things can get pretty stale very quickly with the mundane routines of family life. I imagine that's why people jump from relationship to relationship in search for that exciting beginning bit which might just last longer if they didn't try and act like they've been married for 10 years within months....

DaisyChains6 · 07/06/2019 15:53

I've also never met my dps ex, mother to his dc or had any form of contact. She doesn't appear to have a problem with me as her son seems to go home happy after the weekend if he's spent time with me and my dc. Their son is between them and none of my business to get involved, even though they have had conflicts between themselves over their son. I have never posted anything on social media with their son in either.

TheLoneWolfDies · 07/06/2019 15:55

Thats all great for you DaisyChains6, but the fact is, the OP is pregnant now and this is the situation they are in. Everybody has their own life to live, it would be a very boring world if we all did things the same way.

Belittling the OP and trying to make her feel insecure about a situation that is already happening is just silly. She came here asking about a legal matter and was given mostly shit for 6 pages.

Teddybear45 · 07/06/2019 15:59

Be honest with yourself, what would you do if your ex did this to your DD? I’m guessing your reaction wouldn’t be very different to the ex’s; no woman’s would.

My advice would be to take a step back. There is no need for the dsd to have a relationship with you right now but she absolutely needs a relationship with her dad (and new sibling when it’s born). You can then introduce yourself into her life slowly once she has settled to the new situation with her dad / sibling.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 07/06/2019 15:59

Funny how everyones gone quiet now that a couple of posters have went against the pack isnt it?

😂😂😂 the pack??

ILoveMaxiBondi · 07/06/2019 16:01

(Ps: don’t know about anyone else but I went to work, and then school run and been with my DC. That’s why I “went quiet”. Also known as, not being here.)

IvanaPee · 07/06/2019 16:03

Funny how everyones gone quiet now that a couple of posters have went against the pack isnt it?

I’m cringing for you that you think you and a couple or brave others chased off posters! 😂

DtPeabodysLoosePants · 07/06/2019 16:06

Have they been to mediation? I thought this was insisted upon now by courts unless there's a damn good reason why not? I refused to go to mediation with my ex as he's abusive but I still had to do the initial appointment and get the form from the mediators to say mediation wasn't appropriate.
This situation could be sorted via mediation surely? Why does it need court?

S1naidSucks · 07/06/2019 16:08

Funny how everyones gone quiet now that a couple of posters have went against the pack isnt it?

Please tell me you’re joking! I had said all I felt the need to, but just popped back to laugh at this! Grin

TheLoneWolfDies · 07/06/2019 16:09

ILoveMaxiBondi having trouble understanding a word? Makes sense.

DaisyChains6 · 07/06/2019 16:09

@TheLoneWolfDies yes it would be boring I agree if we all did things the same.

It's tedious though when women fall for the same crap over and over with these feckless men who do nothing but bring kids into the world. You read on MN about the red flags all the time; having a crazy ex, hasn't been single for very long since the last relationship, love bombing, getting the woman pregnant quickly, moving the relationship too fast, moving in too fast, blending families quickly. Another one is having the next one lined up before the old one is finished with, although that isn't in this case. All red flags and text book. The op is relying on what he has told her about his ex.

TheLoneWolfDies · 07/06/2019 16:11

IvanaPee where did I say I chased anyone off? I'm simply stating that this is the way a lot of threads go on here, one person decides to shit on the OP for whatever reason, and everyone decides to go along with it and keep repeating the same thing thats been said 100 times already. Ridiculous carry on.

TheLoneWolfDies · 07/06/2019 16:13

DaisyChains6 yes and on that I totally agree with you. Its unfortunate and it happens far too often, I just think in this case where the OP clearly doesnt want advice on that, its gotten out of hand.

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