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Legal matters

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My partners ex is taking him to court.

212 replies

threeprincesses · 06/06/2019 14:38

Hello,

Me and my partner have been together for 10 months now, I'm currently 20 weeks pregnant with our daughter. I have two other daughters from a previous relationship and he has his daughter with his ex. My partner and his ex have had a very sour break up, she really resents him for leaving and when they bicker she is constantly stating how he made the choice to leave her and their daughter. She was absolutely furious when she found out about me and that has made the situation between them very bitter. In February I met their daughter for the first time, we took her to the sea life centre and a few weeks later my partner uploaded a photo of us all. We've both blocked her on all our social media but she somehow had seen the photo and left work early, drove to their daughters nursery picked her up and took her home. This was in my partners time with their daughter, she text him telling him not to bother picking the child up as she already had, he wouldn't be having her as she wasn't allowing him to play happy families, use her child as pawn and upload pictures of her child with me. She stopped contact for two weeks. In this time my partner contacted their mediator who wrote a court order for him and applied to court. They went to court and he was granted every other weekend and every other Tuesday he would have their child over night and his mum would look after her on Wednesday whilst he worked, then he would have dinner with his daughter and drop her back home for 6.30pm that evening. At the time he was living at his parents house and this was all going smoothly. My partner moved into my home on May 11th so informed his ex about this a week later when he had his daughter for their weekend together. He told her that she was spending her first weekend at my home. His ex hit the roof saying she was calling the police and they will be coming to remove the child and bring her home. This all had happened late that evening so it was left until the next day. The next day my partner went to his parents house and called his ex, his parents recorded the phone call and she was screaming down the phone about how he's a liar, she's been looking on my social media, she's seen that I've been looking to swap homes on housing exchange groups etc she asked where her daughters sleeping. He told her that his daughter was sleeping in my two little girls bedroom with them, she was in a toddler bed. (She stated in their last court hearing that she wanted her child in a toddler bed and not a travel cot or anything else other than a toddler bed) and that their child was happy and had nothing to worry about. He said he will write my address down in their contact handover book and he would send her a photograph of the bedroom. It's a huge double bedroom with more than enough room, space and toys. She declined his offer of the photograph and asked what was going to be happening with the Tuesday contact. He told her it would be unfair to have their daughter stay at my house on the Tuesday as that would mean waking her up at 5.30am to take her to his parents house before he left for work. So she was staying at his parents (her grandparents) house on the Tuesday evening, he would have dinner with her, bath her and put her to bed there before he came home, then after work on the Wednesday he would go straight over have dinner with her, spend some time and drop her home at 6.30pm like normal. She wasn't happy with this as he wouldn't be caring for the child overnight and threatened to stop the midweek contact. By this point he was exhausted of arguing so his father text her asking her not to stop the midweek contact as that would be breaching the court order. Well nothing has been said since, we have been having his daughter like normal. Until yesterday, a letter turned up for him from the courts saying she has applied to go back to court. She made the application the following Monday after the weekend she was told about all of this. In her summary she's written that my partner has breached their contact order by making the agreement under false pretences, she said that he is not living at the address he stated and that her daughter is sharing a bedroom with two other children under 5 and she would like the court to review the court order and put more detailed guidelines in place and she also wants minimal contact from her child's father to reduce the conflict. My partner did not make their agreement under false pretences. The court asked where he lived at the time of the court hearing and he stated his parents house because that is where he was living! Their court date is in July and we honestly just can't believe she's dragging them back to court over this. Has anyone been through similar or could offer any advice?

OP posts:
YourSarcasmIsDripping · 06/06/2019 17:43

No indeed you can't. But so far he's repeating the exact same pattern he did with her, so she's understandably worried. I'm impressed that you're not.

Plus,he reduced contact first by not going to his parents the day in the week he had her overnight.

threeprincesses · 06/06/2019 17:43

@Rockchick1984 but he is? He has dinner with her, baths hers and puts her to bed Tuesday night. And then she spends the day with her grandmother whilst he works which the court wrote in the order and were happy with. He then finishes work has dinner with her again, baths her, spends time with her and takes her home for the time her mother asked. The only time he's not spending with her is when she's asleep. So wouldn't be awake anyway!

OP posts:
threeprincesses · 06/06/2019 17:45

@YourSarcasmIsDripping yes he is! He's there right up until she closes her eyes!

OP posts:
ILoveMaxiBondi · 06/06/2019 17:47

So how long is he planning on leaving her at her granny’s? She’ll grow bigger and start staying up later meaning he’ll have to stay there later and later. Are you going to accept that when you have two small children and a baby to cope with at bedtime?

MissMalice · 06/06/2019 17:47

This still isn’t AIBU. I assume you all have perfect lives that no-one could make judgements about?

OP - Can the court make him move out, no.
Can they reduce contact he isn’t with his daughter overnight, yes. Will they, maybe, maybe not.
Can they reduce contact because of living arrangements - yes. Will they, maybe, maybe not. IME not.

Not everybody lives in big houses or has small families. Some people live in normal houses and have big families and the children share. That’s what works for some families.

Holdthedamndoor · 06/06/2019 17:49

No, she is trying to prevent her daughter bonding with another family, thinking of them as sisters.....when chances are they wont be her family forever.

He is making poor decisions.

Most people would be furious if their parent kept forcing new families on them.

He could stay with her at the grandparents.

The contact is for him. Not his parents. He also inst with her on the morning.

He could just have her for tea. Or he could have remained living at his parents. He has chosen to move and admits midweek contact with him as the main carer isnt possible.

C0untDucku1a · 06/06/2019 17:51

The ex is right to take him back to court because he isnt fulfilling the details of the agreement.

She is his daughter. She is not having a sleepover at a friends house. That attitude towards her role in the home is pretty poor.

Sounds like he isnt fond of condoms when not even in longterm relationships. That alone would put me off.

Youve moved him into your home with your children very, very fast. That’s very irresponsible.

MissMalice · 06/06/2019 17:51

The contact is for him.

No, the contact is for the child. That is the courts only consideration. The child.

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 06/06/2019 17:55

Legally speaking?

Can the court make him move out? Nope. They can't even make her see her.

Will they look at a variation based on his change of address? Possibly.

Will they look at the fact that he doesn't actually have her the during the week? Yes, however the outcome is unsure, they might feel it makes no difference or not.

Will they look at her sharing a room with two other children? Maybe,maybe not.

Ideally the courts should have the best interests of the children at heart and decide what is best for them.

Holdthedamndoor · 06/06/2019 17:56

MissMalice
Ok the contact is for the child to spend time with her father.

When the child gets up, he isnt there. If the child wakes up in the night. He isnt there caring for her.

So her carer is her grandparents. The contact is not there for the child to spend regular time with grandparents.

He could sort this by giving one night up and staying with his daughter at his mothers. But wont do that.

That would secure the contact, if he was really that bothered.

threeprincesses · 06/06/2019 17:57

@ILoveMaxiBondi When she starts school the midweek contact will no longer happen because she won't be spending her day with "granny" she'll be at school.

@MissMalice thank you for your helpful proper advice

@Holdthedamndoor but there is also the chance this will be her family forever. Whatever point you're trying to make here is so irrelevant.

He wouldn't be with her in the morning anyway because he would be at work lol

OP posts:
SmellMySmellbow · 06/06/2019 18:02

He should be staying at his parents house on the night he has her. He should also google 'birth control' after 2 unplanned pregnancies outside of established relationships.

Holdthedamndoor · 06/06/2019 18:02

Yes it could be her forever family. In which taking it slower, which is better for kids, and put the kids first. It taking longer for him to move in wouldnt have made a huge difference if its forever.

Again, theres a difference between having her stay with you and stay with his parents.

I dont believe you dont know why he doesnt stay with her.

WhoWants2Know · 06/06/2019 18:17

If he doesn't plan to carry on midweek contact when she starts school, why is he starting that pattern now?

IvanaPee · 06/06/2019 18:24

None of these issues would pop up again and again if people thought with their heads and not their reproductive organs.

If people cared more about stability for their children than insisting on having a man or woman in their lives.

Rockchick1984 · 06/06/2019 18:27

Does he want to maintain the overnight away from her mum in order to lower the amount of maintenance he pays? If he's not actually having her overnight then I can't see any other reason for it!

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 06/06/2019 18:29

@IvanaPee ahh but apparently you can't live your life looking for what ifs.

gamerchick · 06/06/2019 18:33

10 months and he's already moved in with your kids and well on the way to another baby?

I'm with his ex, this needs to go back to court. He's not thinking as a dad should. One day when reality hits with the stresses of a new baby you might find yourself in the ex's shoes when he moves on.

Stay out of it, it's his mess to sort out and he needs to stay with his child at her grandparents if she's staying there

You've picked a right one there OP

Good luck though but honestly just stay out of it.

darjeelingisrank · 06/06/2019 18:36

You know what's really telling about this thread (I mean, aside from a man who has an uncanny knack for making women fall pregnant 5 minutes after meeting them and the fact that you'll probably be back on here in a few months posting about how 'DP' has dropped yet another kid/family and is now moved in with some other woman who is now pregnant)? It's that YOU are the one here asking about legal advice on how to foist a blended family on this kid and not your 'partner' whose kid it is. That speaks volumes.

This man has you all dancing round him. What's he doing? Probably sat on a games console.

darjeelingisrank · 06/06/2019 18:37

No one ever plans their pregnant on MN and their contraception never works.

lunar1 · 06/06/2019 18:38

I'd be doing everything possible to stop my children sleeping in a complete strangers house. Everything is to much too soon, too rushed. He should just stick to contact being at his parents, he needs to learn not to rush into everything.

10 months is nothing.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 06/06/2019 18:43

When she starts school the midweek contact will no longer happen because she won't be spending her day with "granny" she'll be at school.

So he won’t be having her at your house that night?
Why not?

Also, your baby will be born in a few months, are you going to accept him going to his mothers for the next 2-3 years every Tuesday while you’re trying to manage bedtime with 3 small children?

Holdthedamndoor · 06/06/2019 18:44

darjeelingisrank i was thinking this the other day. I was browsing mn early morning one day this week. The first 4 threads I opened were all relating to the OP getting pregnant due to by accident while using contraception.

It's like MN is a contraception black hole.

Jon65 · 06/06/2019 18:44

Op, this is legal, not AIBU. Don't engage with these people who are making non-legal comments. Prbridge is legally correct in what she says, and is just about the only one who has given a genuine legal opinion.

Please can people stick to LEGAL answers.

darjeelingisrank · 06/06/2019 18:45

Oh, no need to worry about when she goes to school, 'Dad' will have already moved on and sprogged someone else up.

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