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My partners ex is taking him to court.

212 replies

threeprincesses · 06/06/2019 14:38

Hello,

Me and my partner have been together for 10 months now, I'm currently 20 weeks pregnant with our daughter. I have two other daughters from a previous relationship and he has his daughter with his ex. My partner and his ex have had a very sour break up, she really resents him for leaving and when they bicker she is constantly stating how he made the choice to leave her and their daughter. She was absolutely furious when she found out about me and that has made the situation between them very bitter. In February I met their daughter for the first time, we took her to the sea life centre and a few weeks later my partner uploaded a photo of us all. We've both blocked her on all our social media but she somehow had seen the photo and left work early, drove to their daughters nursery picked her up and took her home. This was in my partners time with their daughter, she text him telling him not to bother picking the child up as she already had, he wouldn't be having her as she wasn't allowing him to play happy families, use her child as pawn and upload pictures of her child with me. She stopped contact for two weeks. In this time my partner contacted their mediator who wrote a court order for him and applied to court. They went to court and he was granted every other weekend and every other Tuesday he would have their child over night and his mum would look after her on Wednesday whilst he worked, then he would have dinner with his daughter and drop her back home for 6.30pm that evening. At the time he was living at his parents house and this was all going smoothly. My partner moved into my home on May 11th so informed his ex about this a week later when he had his daughter for their weekend together. He told her that she was spending her first weekend at my home. His ex hit the roof saying she was calling the police and they will be coming to remove the child and bring her home. This all had happened late that evening so it was left until the next day. The next day my partner went to his parents house and called his ex, his parents recorded the phone call and she was screaming down the phone about how he's a liar, she's been looking on my social media, she's seen that I've been looking to swap homes on housing exchange groups etc she asked where her daughters sleeping. He told her that his daughter was sleeping in my two little girls bedroom with them, she was in a toddler bed. (She stated in their last court hearing that she wanted her child in a toddler bed and not a travel cot or anything else other than a toddler bed) and that their child was happy and had nothing to worry about. He said he will write my address down in their contact handover book and he would send her a photograph of the bedroom. It's a huge double bedroom with more than enough room, space and toys. She declined his offer of the photograph and asked what was going to be happening with the Tuesday contact. He told her it would be unfair to have their daughter stay at my house on the Tuesday as that would mean waking her up at 5.30am to take her to his parents house before he left for work. So she was staying at his parents (her grandparents) house on the Tuesday evening, he would have dinner with her, bath her and put her to bed there before he came home, then after work on the Wednesday he would go straight over have dinner with her, spend some time and drop her home at 6.30pm like normal. She wasn't happy with this as he wouldn't be caring for the child overnight and threatened to stop the midweek contact. By this point he was exhausted of arguing so his father text her asking her not to stop the midweek contact as that would be breaching the court order. Well nothing has been said since, we have been having his daughter like normal. Until yesterday, a letter turned up for him from the courts saying she has applied to go back to court. She made the application the following Monday after the weekend she was told about all of this. In her summary she's written that my partner has breached their contact order by making the agreement under false pretences, she said that he is not living at the address he stated and that her daughter is sharing a bedroom with two other children under 5 and she would like the court to review the court order and put more detailed guidelines in place and she also wants minimal contact from her child's father to reduce the conflict. My partner did not make their agreement under false pretences. The court asked where he lived at the time of the court hearing and he stated his parents house because that is where he was living! Their court date is in July and we honestly just can't believe she's dragging them back to court over this. Has anyone been through similar or could offer any advice?

OP posts:
Scorpvenus1 · 06/06/2019 16:31

The only other option then as most stick with the mums side.

Don't have nothing to do with the kid, refuse to accept it full stop, don't let it in your house, don't buy it anything and don't even speak about it.

then watch for the switch in the desperate exs behaviour. Crazy is as crazy does, this baby mama has a lorry load of drama :D

threeprincesses · 06/06/2019 16:34

@madcatladyforever

That's totally uncalled for. The children are 4, 2 and 2. They're happy and well looked after children that have no idea of the conflict between their parents. They've formed lovely bonds with eachother and adapted really well and positively to the situation. So judgemental and rude

OP posts:
BrilliantYou · 06/06/2019 16:37

I agree with the mother. Your partner should have told his ex about his plans to move in with you well in advance of the move and sought her consent to have their daughter stay at your house.

He should be staying at his parents house on the evening that he has his daughter during the week as per the court order/every other weekend until the court order is changed.

I feel sorry for the child. You need to try and consider the situation from his ex's perspective.

MissMalice · 06/06/2019 16:41

sought her consent to have their daughter stay at your house.

I presume the father has PR and therefore doesn’t require any kind of “consent” from the mother. Mothers do not have some kind of elevated PR that means they get to call the shots.

threeprincesses · 06/06/2019 16:43

He does have PR.

OP posts:
ILoveMaxiBondi · 06/06/2019 16:51

Are you living in a 2 bedroom house with 3 children and another on the way?

threeprincesses · 06/06/2019 16:53

@ILoveMaxiBondi No, I'm living in a 2 bedroom house with my two daughters and his daughter stays every other weekend for 2 nights. And I have another on the way whom the council have said can share a room with me and my partner until she turns 1 and then I'll be put on the housing register for a 3 bed or I can mutually exchange which I'm trying to do. The council don't class his child because she's here two nights fortnightly not living here.

OP posts:
Holdthedamndoor · 06/06/2019 16:57

So you know enough to know that she is wrong. But dont know enough to know why he does stay with his own child, instead of yours on the mid week nights?

ILoveMaxiBondi · 06/06/2019 16:57

So yes, was the answer to my question then.

threeprincesses · 06/06/2019 16:59

@ILoveMaxiBondi erm no, my answer was definitely no. I'm living in a two bedroom house with two children and another on the way. Not three children and another on the way.

OP posts:
threeprincesses · 06/06/2019 16:59

I feel like I shouldn't have added so much detail into this post because pretty much everyone has done nothing but be judgemental and focus on the irrelevant matters like how fast I got pregnant. Basically all I want to know is can a court tell him to move out of my home when I'm pregnant with his child or can they reduce his contact with his daughter? And regarding his ex's point of her child sharing a bedroom with two other children under 5 is there anything wrong with that or something they can do about that?

OP posts:
ILoveMaxiBondi · 06/06/2019 17:01

But his daughter has to share with enough two when she stays. So yes. 3 children. And you planned another. The mind boggles.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 06/06/2019 17:01

Enough=your

ILoveMaxiBondi · 06/06/2019 17:02

can a court tell him to move out of my home when I'm pregnant with his child

Of course they can’t. A court has no say over where lives.

threeprincesses · 06/06/2019 17:03

@ILoveMaxiBondi yes, she has to share a bedroom that has her own bed in it with two other children that she adores twice EVERY TWO WEEKS. So no, she doesn't LIVE HERE. this is hilarious! Honestly! When kids have sleepovers at their friends house they top and tail or have a sleeping bag on the floor. Get a grip. Also my current pregnant wasn't planned. Stop making assumptions

OP posts:
DaisyChains6 · 06/06/2019 17:03

OP if I were you I'd put myself in the mothers shoes to see her perspective. Imagine if you and your dp split up when your new baby is under 1 years old like he did with his ex. Then imagine if he got with someone else he hardly knew fairy quickly when your baby is barely over a year old. Then imagine him getting her pregnant within 5 months, introducing her to your child and moving in to play happy families very quickly and breaking the court order. It could happen to you so try to see it from the mothers point of view. If it did happen to you do you really think you would still be pining love for him or would you think what a cock, I must protect my dd because he isn't considering her at all.

Holdthedamndoor · 06/06/2019 17:07

In the last 3 years he has met 2 women, got them both pregnant quickly, by accident and moved in with them both

With a quick stop at his parents in between.

He now admits that mid week contact cant happen, so he is actually looking after her. He cant/wont stay at his parents and have a night with his daughter and be with her in the morning.

This is a disaster waiting to happen for his child and your kids.

Holdthedamndoor · 06/06/2019 17:08

They cant make him move out.

They can agree with him that he cant be present for all of mid week contact sp reduce it to every other weekend.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 06/06/2019 17:08

When kids have sleepovers at their friends house they top and tail or have a sleeping bag on the floor.

That’s entirely different from your parent knowingly moving into a house where there isn’t room for you. Think about it!

Also my current pregnant wasn't planned.

Doesn’t matter how the conception came about, you still chose to bring a 4th child into this already squashed home.

IvanaPee · 06/06/2019 17:29

You could always privately rent a bigger house to fit everyone?

Though with his track record you mightn’t need the extra space for long. He can just move in with the next woman he impregnates after a few weeks together...

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 06/06/2019 17:32

Think about it this way, the ex has not only seen his way,she lived them. She's been exactly where you are now,and she knows how this might end...with him fucking off when the baby is here.

Now, you might actually be the one and you'll live happily ever after... but what if you don't? What if in a year he leaves you too and then his 3 yo will have to forget about your girls that she "adores", lose contact with her baby sister, change houses/contact again. It is a very likely possibility.

It seems more like she's trying to prevent her daughter being hurt by limiting contact and further bonding, rather than a crazy,spiteful ex.

threeprincesses · 06/06/2019 17:36

@YourSarcasmIsDripping

We could look at the what ifs in every single persons relationship. You can't stop a child seeing their father because of something that might or might not happen. That's ridiculous

OP posts:
Holdthedamndoor · 06/06/2019 17:39

No but you can look at the odds and try and protect your child.

Isnt that what parenting is about?

Rockchick1984 · 06/06/2019 17:40

He's not actually having his DD midweek though, his parents are. So why is he complaining about it changing formally?

threeprincesses · 06/06/2019 17:41

@Holdthedamndoor

How is that protecting her child? trying to stop her having a relationship with her father because of what might or might not happen. I'd be furious with my mother if she done this and tried to stop me having a relationship with my father and sister. Especially if she did manage to and I got to a teenager and they were still a happy family and I got no part of it.

OP posts:
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