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Legal matters

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have any legal concerns we suggest you consult a solicitor.

My partners ex is taking him to court.

212 replies

threeprincesses · 06/06/2019 14:38

Hello,

Me and my partner have been together for 10 months now, I'm currently 20 weeks pregnant with our daughter. I have two other daughters from a previous relationship and he has his daughter with his ex. My partner and his ex have had a very sour break up, she really resents him for leaving and when they bicker she is constantly stating how he made the choice to leave her and their daughter. She was absolutely furious when she found out about me and that has made the situation between them very bitter. In February I met their daughter for the first time, we took her to the sea life centre and a few weeks later my partner uploaded a photo of us all. We've both blocked her on all our social media but she somehow had seen the photo and left work early, drove to their daughters nursery picked her up and took her home. This was in my partners time with their daughter, she text him telling him not to bother picking the child up as she already had, he wouldn't be having her as she wasn't allowing him to play happy families, use her child as pawn and upload pictures of her child with me. She stopped contact for two weeks. In this time my partner contacted their mediator who wrote a court order for him and applied to court. They went to court and he was granted every other weekend and every other Tuesday he would have their child over night and his mum would look after her on Wednesday whilst he worked, then he would have dinner with his daughter and drop her back home for 6.30pm that evening. At the time he was living at his parents house and this was all going smoothly. My partner moved into my home on May 11th so informed his ex about this a week later when he had his daughter for their weekend together. He told her that she was spending her first weekend at my home. His ex hit the roof saying she was calling the police and they will be coming to remove the child and bring her home. This all had happened late that evening so it was left until the next day. The next day my partner went to his parents house and called his ex, his parents recorded the phone call and she was screaming down the phone about how he's a liar, she's been looking on my social media, she's seen that I've been looking to swap homes on housing exchange groups etc she asked where her daughters sleeping. He told her that his daughter was sleeping in my two little girls bedroom with them, she was in a toddler bed. (She stated in their last court hearing that she wanted her child in a toddler bed and not a travel cot or anything else other than a toddler bed) and that their child was happy and had nothing to worry about. He said he will write my address down in their contact handover book and he would send her a photograph of the bedroom. It's a huge double bedroom with more than enough room, space and toys. She declined his offer of the photograph and asked what was going to be happening with the Tuesday contact. He told her it would be unfair to have their daughter stay at my house on the Tuesday as that would mean waking her up at 5.30am to take her to his parents house before he left for work. So she was staying at his parents (her grandparents) house on the Tuesday evening, he would have dinner with her, bath her and put her to bed there before he came home, then after work on the Wednesday he would go straight over have dinner with her, spend some time and drop her home at 6.30pm like normal. She wasn't happy with this as he wouldn't be caring for the child overnight and threatened to stop the midweek contact. By this point he was exhausted of arguing so his father text her asking her not to stop the midweek contact as that would be breaching the court order. Well nothing has been said since, we have been having his daughter like normal. Until yesterday, a letter turned up for him from the courts saying she has applied to go back to court. She made the application the following Monday after the weekend she was told about all of this. In her summary she's written that my partner has breached their contact order by making the agreement under false pretences, she said that he is not living at the address he stated and that her daughter is sharing a bedroom with two other children under 5 and she would like the court to review the court order and put more detailed guidelines in place and she also wants minimal contact from her child's father to reduce the conflict. My partner did not make their agreement under false pretences. The court asked where he lived at the time of the court hearing and he stated his parents house because that is where he was living! Their court date is in July and we honestly just can't believe she's dragging them back to court over this. Has anyone been through similar or could offer any advice?

OP posts:
Jon65 · 08/06/2019 12:20

@Shequakes I think you are on the wrong thread, along with a lot of others. This is legal . . . Hmm

threeprincesses · 08/06/2019 12:33

Regardless to what any of you think may or may not happen. I didn't ask you to start speculating about what could happen in the future of my life. I asked for legal advice about what could potentially be the outcome of court. I've got people telling me to move towns, talking about how this child's going to feel about sharing a bedroom. Not every child's the bloody same, just because yours doesn't want to share and expects their own bedroom doesn't mean everyone's will. And let me just reiterate... we will be moving to a 3 bedroom soon so she'll be sharing with her half baby sister. Someone's talking about how she's going to feel about sharing toys!? Honestly get a grip and stop trying to make a big drama for your own personal entertainment. As I've stated, I've got the legal information I was looking for so I won't be replying anymore to the rest of you who are quite clearly terribly bored and have nothing better to do. Enjoy!! 👋🏼

OP posts:
ILoveMaxiBondi · 08/06/2019 12:47

And let me just reiterate... we will be moving to a 3 bedroom soon

You hope. That’s certainly not guaranteed. You’re in council housing. There is no guarantee anything will come available or that you'll be Next on the list for it when it does.

Shequakes · 08/06/2019 12:49

Jon65 I think you seem to think you work for MN and it's your job to police others posts.

Hint - its not.

DtPeabodysLoosePants · 08/06/2019 13:00

God forbid anyone should think of the child involved in all this Hmm You do need to consider what will happen in the future because this is likely to keep happening if your DP keeps messing about with the contact arrangements. Many of us have been there, we speak from experience.

nannytothequeen · 08/06/2019 14:11

Op, if you don't want opinion, don't ask the question. Even semi legal advice is opinion on s forum and no one really knows what the court might decide. Just as no one really knows when or if you might get your three bedroomed house. Your partner or boyfriend or whatever needs to start to act like a big boy at some point and start to stick to his contact hours, be upfront about his living arrangements and house his own family. Seems he might be good at making babies but not at providing for them.

Collaborate · 08/06/2019 16:40

@nannytothequeen OP asked for a legal opinion. Much of what I see on this thread is personal criticism with no legal context. Just people come here to have a dig.

MidniteScribbler · 08/06/2019 22:39

The OP is so focussed on her dream home that it wouldn't surprise me if this pregnancy was completely planned in order to get a bigger house.

SD1978 · 08/06/2019 23:04

He shouldn't have tried to palm off his child to his parents/ I'm with her there. He should have stayed at this parents overnight on the Tuesday, as was the plan. So he has breeched the orders- he's not caring for his child. Having three children under five in one room doesn't sound great- I wouldn't be too impressed. I agree with others- your partner should start taking birth control a tad more seriously. He seems to impregnate women before a relationship is established and hope it goes alright- it hasn't so far. I wouldn't be surprised if the Tuesday's were dropped as he isn't following the rules- maybe get his parents to talk to her, and explained they enjoy it, and would like it to continue?

prh47bridge · 09/06/2019 00:56

I wouldn't be surprised if the Tuesday's were dropped as he isn't following the rules

What rules is he not following? There is unlikely to be anything in the court order specifying that he must spend the night in the same house as his child. It is possible that the arrangements will be tweaked a little but I suspect the court will leave things as they are.

SD1978 · 09/06/2019 01:09

@prh47bridge- he isn't caring for the child- which is a pretty basic requirement. It's not a grandparent visitation schedule- it's for him. He isn't there. I didn't realise this was in legal- so really I also don't think my opinion is particularly important, as it's not legal advice- but if I had a child that wasn't staying with the person stipulated in the order, I'd be annoyed, unless that variance had been discussed with me first- which is wasn't. His parents can apply for visitation- that day is his, court ordered for him to look after his child- and he doesn't.

Thedilemma111 · 09/06/2019 01:10

I think this whole sending the poor kid to the grandparents while he sits with you and your daughters is pretty messed up .

He shouldn’t have asked for midweek contact if he isn’t going to be with his daughter .

It basically means that the girls mother is giving up her time with her daughter and being forced to send her daughter to her ex’s grandparents once a week , that IS ridiculous.

I feel sorry for the kid and think this should be going back to court.

And this whole thing about the address changing AFTER the court order is bull shit .

They gave that court order on the basis he was living at his parents , this has now changed.

I would go back to court too.

Sorry .

Collaborate · 09/06/2019 06:18

But...
He is with his daughter. He stays to put her to bed.

What do you think about a single mother who arranges for a child to spend a night (regular or not) at grandparents? Should she run it past the father first and seek his approval? Because after all, it’s got to be pretty messed up for any child to spend a night with a grandparent when an actual parent is able to look after them instead.

Anyway, I’m giving up engaging with posters who migrate on to legal thinking OP’s were keen to hear people slagging off their life choices. FFS get a life and stop judging others. That’s what AIBU is for.

Shequakes · 09/06/2019 06:23

Collaborate if a single parent was sending their child to the grandparents 33% of the nights they have with them, so they could sleep in the same house as their girlfriend/boyfriend, yes i would think that wasnt right.

nannytothequeen · 09/06/2019 06:26

Collaborate- the only valid opinion here is that no one knows because the court will decide and it's all a bit marginal. I think that the OP was hoping to hear that the ex is entirely out of line and will get her Arse kicked in court. However the opinion is that she's not and she won't.

MrsBertBibby · 09/06/2019 06:56

I think you will find that the view of the actual family lawyers on here, of which I am another, is that the Court is pretty unlikely to change the arrangements at all, and will not be remotely interested in the father's contraceptive choices. Some on here seem to be muddling up the Family Court with Jeremy Kyle.

Especially given that the order already specifically provides that the day is spent with the grandparents.

TheLoneWolfDies · 09/06/2019 12:45

Some on here seem to be muddling up the Family Court with Jeremy Kyle.

That sums it up perfectly! The mindset of some of the posters on this thread is actually laughable. If the only problems my DS had in life were not wanting to share toys and not wanting to share a room, he'd be a lucky kid. People go through far, far worse in life and don't turn into wingy little snowflakes. But there are always some.

Jon65 · 09/06/2019 15:09

@Shequakes do you really think that you have given legal advice? Are your comments meaningful or helpful in any way or just negative personal opinions about Op? I have to agree with @Collaborate, it's unlikely the substance of the order would be changed, and I have to say that the courts are creaking under the weight of spurious applications that it could do without, because while it is wasting time on this, it could be hearing applications a bit sooner that are crucial to a child's wellbeing.

Shequakes · 09/06/2019 15:13

do you really think that you have given legal advice? Are your comments meaningful or helpful in any way or just negative personal opinions about Op?

Yes and I think there is a possibility it could be changed.

The circumstances have changed. She has the right to go back.

Do you believe you have the right to police the MN boards?

Jon65 · 09/06/2019 15:27

Making application to vary a cao is unnecessary if it is working well and in this matter the circumstances remain substantially the same. Nasty judgments of people's personal circumstances has no place in legal.

Collaborate · 09/06/2019 15:41

There's giving legal advice from a position where you are informed by a number of years practice in this area of law, and there's thinking you can give legal advice based on little more than your own personal experiences and prejudices.

One of these people tend to value enough to pay for. The other is little better than speaking to a drunk propping up the bar in the pub on a Friday night.

DtPeabodysLoosePants · 09/06/2019 15:52

Easy to see from the attitudes from the professionals on here why children get shafted by the family courts.

Jon65 · 09/06/2019 16:38

@DtPeabodysLoosePants you will find it's the judges who make decisions based on the law as it stands at that time . . . Hmm

TheLoneWolfDies · 09/06/2019 18:38

Shequakes if you have a right to give your nasty unnecessary opinion, then Jon65 has a right to 'police the MN boards'. Otherwise known as having their say.

VodselForDinner · 09/06/2019 18:53

This is so sad.

Four small kids, three combinations of parents, and a man with a history of getting women pregnant quickly.

Don’t get too attached to his little girl, OP, chances are you won’t be in her life for too long.

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