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Original poster

Being an executor of a will you're disinherited from

30 replies

golondrina · 15/01/2019 17:51

Hi,

I am estranged from my mother. I have heard from my brother (who I'm on good terms with) that she has made a will where she leaves 50% to him and 25% to each of my two children (her grandchildren).
She has "not named me as an heir". But she has made me an executor, along with my brother.

She's not likely to die any time soon, but I don't really know what this means. Apart from I think being just vindictive, what does it actually mean for me? What will I have to do? Is it to force me to hear the contents of the will and learn I've been disinherited (she doesn't know my brother has told me) or some other reason. Is it normal to do this? Why would you do this, other than as a bit of a mindfuck?

Her estate won't be massive or anthing, but there will be a mortgage free property to be sorted out and some savings. Would I need to help apply for probate and so on, or is that only where there's no will? I had to apply for probate when my dad died as they'd divorced years earlier, but then he didn't have a will.

Thanks for any advice. I don't care about the money at all, I'm just wondering if there's a reason (beyond pissing me off) why she's done this?

OP posts:
CosmicComet · 15/01/2019 17:53

You can decline when the time comes. But I’d probably do it to make sure my DC got their share.

EggysMom · 15/01/2019 17:56

She's done it to piss you off - as Executor, yes, you would be expected to read the will and help with distributing.

You could opt to leave everything to your brother to sort out, tell him you'll sign whatever paperwork he puts in front of you but you won't do the legwork.

You could 'renounce' executorship, I think that's a formal thing that you do through the Probate office (someone more knowledgeable will be along shortly to advise on that, I'm sure!)

But for the sake of your children who will inherit, maybe you will want to reconsider and help them to inherit?

StartedEarly · 15/01/2019 17:56

Your share is going directly to your children. If they are under 18 you'll probably have to look after the money.
You don't have to do it but it would seem to be in their interests for you to.

Original poster
golondrina · 15/01/2019 18:00

No, I'll do it. She'll be dead so I won't have to talk to her. My brother and I are close, I'm quite happy to help him administer it all.

So, it's basically a vindictive, fuck you move?

OP posts:
Evidencebased · 15/01/2019 18:03

Age UK have a leaflet which tells you what it involves.
<a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.ageuk.org.uk/globalassets/age-uk/documents/information-guides/ageukil8_how_to_be_an_executor_inf.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwiDhKGWrvDfAhWGXRUIHSS_CQkQFjAKegQIBRAB&usg=AOvVaw3OlvkNSOgKNnI9n2sOAIVi" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=www.ageuk.org.uk/globalassets/age-uk/documents/information-guides/ageukil8_how_to_be_an_executor_inf.pdf&ved=2ahUKEwiDhKGWrvDfAhWGXRUIHSS_CQkQFjAKegQIBRAB&usg=AOvVaw3OlvkNSOgKNnI9n2sOAIVi

This leaflet also tells you what to do if you decide not to be an executor.

How well do you think you and your brother will be cooperating to get things done, or at least split up the tasks between you?

Paying a professional to do it can be a good idea in some circumstances, but also uses quite a bit of money.

There's lots of online help and guidance, also HMRC helpline can be v good.

Original poster
golondrina · 15/01/2019 18:06

There will be no issues with my brother. We are close, he is very low contact with her and there is no love lost there. I can rely on him to have my back emotionally and practically.

Are wills read out? Is that the idea, to force me to be there and listen as I'm "not named as an heir"?

OP posts:
StartedEarly · 15/01/2019 19:24

The "reading of the will" only happens in 1950s melodramas. It's not a thing.
Do you have a will OP? Mine is in a drawer and DC have a copy.
I really don't see it as vindictive and I don't see how you can be aggrieved when your children are getting half of her estate.

Smidge001 · 15/01/2019 19:29

I don't see it as vindictive either. She's giving you and your brother equal rights/responsibilities to ensure the inheritance is split, AND that split is even between both sides of the family.

Original poster
golondrina · 15/01/2019 19:31

Yes, I have a will.

Why would I be disinherited yet made an executor (when there is another executor) except as an attempt to piss me off? Based on what I know of my mother (and the reason we are estranged and my brother has so little to do with her) it is meant to be vindictive. I asked here in case there was some legal reason (apart from spitefulness) to do it.

OP posts:
titchy · 15/01/2019 19:35

It's sensible to have two executors. Otherwise one could run off with the lot. Nothing sinister about that at all - she was probably advised to have two.

Original poster
golondrina · 15/01/2019 19:36

I'm not aggreived by the money. I couldn't give a rat's arse about that. I was wondering whether making me an executor of a will I have been cut out from was an attempt to give me a kind of two fingers from the grave or if there was some legal reason why someone might do this.
It seems there isn't, so based on what I know to be my mother's thought processes, I reckon it's fairly safe to say it's not kindly meant.

Thanks for the answers.

OP posts:
StartedEarly · 15/01/2019 19:36

It's normal, but not compulsory, to have at least two executors. In a family will often all interested parties are made executors. Like it or not you are an interested party because you would be acting in your childrens best interest.

If your children are adults perhaps they could be executors?
If all parties agree these things can be changed after the death.

It's possibles to make a solicitor an exec but it would be very costly for something that you can do yourself.

Original poster
golondrina · 15/01/2019 19:37

Yes, but she could have had someone else, rather than the person she has no contact with and has cut out from her will.

Thanks anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
golondrina · 15/01/2019 19:39

The kids may be adults by the time the will comes into play anyway, she's not that old and they're primary aged. If not, or if they don't want to, I'll be an executor, I just wanted to know why she might have done it apart from the obvious and most likely explanation.

OP posts:
SummerStrong · 15/01/2019 19:47

I would imagine because your children are still minors she has 'put you in charge' of their inheritance.

ForgivenessIsDivine · 17/01/2019 18:58

If you and your brother get along so well, you could both decide to make a variation to the will after her death.. returning the fingers with knobs on!!

Daisydoesnt · 17/01/2019 19:10

OP I understand that you feel your mother is doing this to be vindictive and hurt you, but that might not be her intention at all. If in drawing up her will her solicitor told her she needed two executors, you may well have been suggested as the obvious choice as your children are the other two beneficiaries.

TeenTimesTwo · 17/01/2019 19:14

No chance she thinks you are already well provided for so has just skipped a generation to avoid dual inheritance tax?

Original poster
golondrina · 17/01/2019 19:28

No chance she thinks you are already well provided for so has just skipped a generation to avoid dual inheritance tax? No, she's just not a very nice person, hence estrangement with me and virtually no contact with my brother.

OP I understand that you feel your mother is doing this to be vindictive and hurt you, but that might not be her intention at all. You've obviously never met my mother. I understand it's best to have 2 but it's not obligatory and it didn't have to be me. I do understand people find it hard to believe there are vindictive parents/bad parents, but there are and I have one. Thanks for the information about how it all works. We'll see what happens, she's still young enough and fighting fit.

OP posts:
Badbadbunny · 17/01/2019 19:36

Does your brother have children?

It's pretty common for people to live their inheritance to their grandchildren, the logic being that their children are all grown up with their lives sorted, yet, these days more than ever, it's the next generation (ie. grandchildren) who need the help with uni costs, housing ladder, etc.

Could well be that she wants it to go to next generation, i.e. your half share to your kids, but if your brother has no kids, then the only remaining option is to leave it to him.

May not be vindictive after all.

Original poster
golondrina · 17/01/2019 19:53

I'm going to leave the thread I think. I wanted to know if there was a legal reason why she would do this, and obviously there isn't really. She could perfectly well have just had my brother or appointed someone else.
I am NC with her for very good reason (the same reason why my brother is low contact with her, like one visit a year, one very superficial email a month) and to remove me from the will, yet try to make me administer it IS done in bad faith. I have known her all my life and this is SO her.
I appreciate a lot of people don't really get that, and yes, if she were normal, there might be a non vindictive explanation, but I know what she's playing at.
Anyway, thanks for all the replies, I'll leave it here, because a load of people who don't know what she's put me through trying to persuade me this isn't her version of a massive two fingers up from the grave after her death is beginning to upset me a bit, call me sensitive, but it is.

OP posts:
DobbinsVeil · 18/01/2019 01:43

My mum left everything to my DC as she felt my brother and me had let her down. I was actually on good terms with her for the last 2 years of her life, but she had stopped talking to my brother.

I am the executor and also trustee of the DC inheritance. My brother was named as a back up. The advice I was given is it's easier to just have one executor. My brother was able to do some admin stuff without being an executor which he was happy to do.

Her original will was held at a solicitor's office and he checked a few things when we went to collect it.

It was meant as her last fuck you, but as I'd known for a while (She sent me a copy) it's actually been ok to deal with. And if you think about it, the decedent doesn't get to witness any fall out as they're already gone, so they don't get to enjoy it. There were 5 of us at her funeral as she'd cut so many people off over the years and she wasn't talking to 2 of the 5!

It's probably her attempt to cause a divide between you and your brother. I hope that doesn't happen.

icannotremember · 18/01/2019 13:39

I really don't see it as vindictive and I don't see how you can be aggrieved when your children are getting half of her estate

Really? You really can't see it? Crikey.

Original poster
golondrina · 19/01/2019 09:38

Thanks Dobbins, sorry your mum is difficult too. I appreciate the reply. It won't put a rift between my brother and me, we're totally on the same page about her, having both grown up with her.

OP posts:
DobbinsVeil · 19/01/2019 11:08

This stuff can really open up old wounds. My mum had a lot of problems when we were growing up and we'd just got on without having any real support from her. As adults I'd say we'd both done a lot to support her, but she'd often decide it wasn't good enough. My brother bailed her out financially several times, probably in excess of £10k.

The reason my mum named my brother as the back up Executor is she didn't want to tell the solicitor she wasn't talking to him. Her "for appearances" reasons were my brother is very financially comfortable and my husband and I own a (mortgaged) house, so she wanted her grandchildren to have a good start to adult life. We knew the real reasons though.