Shit hot divorce lawyer needed in Kent. Any recommendations?

[Hifilofi]

I am in the process of blindsiding a cheating husband.

I have seen 3 solicitors (unfortunately there was no free 30 minutes) and I had to pay for all of them but they were dreadful. I need someone very switched on and quite ruthless given that I am married to a very dodgy man who chews up and spits out legal professionals in his line of work.

I’m here looking for personal recommendations. I’m in Canterbury but happy to travel.

What was dreadful about the 3 you've already seen? What makes you think their advice was incorrect?

Well I think you have to have a rapport with the solicitor that’s going to be fighting your corner or at least a confidence in them. I didn’t get that from any of them.

One solicitor even said that their company focused on reconciliation after I’d mentioned the black eye dh had given me and then pretty much read out a fact sheet to me.

The second did more or less the same and then when I gave her examples of some of dh’s “business practices” she said it would be better to find someone else. (Excellent)

One solicitor was stalling despite the fact I wasn’t seeing them for a complimentry 30 minutes and I had all of our financial papers - he couldn’t even give me a hint of what I would be entitled to- nothing. I had to find out on MN that all assets in the marriage are jointly owned.

I need somebody dynamic and proactive I didn’t get that from any I have see .

Have you tried posting on the Relationships Board, where things like financial rights in marriage are often discussed?

Have you tried the Law Society website then look at the solicitors' websites to narrow down possibilities.

Also Citizens Advice Bureau might have a legal expert who can help navigate through some of the actions you can start taking. It will keep up your morale to have a degree of empowerment and regain some control. Can you try doing some internet research of your own in the meantime.

Have you made an exhaustive list of what you believe the marital assets might be. Sounds like you may not have the complete picture, but if you can start developing the list, it will help to build on it over time.

Good luck, look after yourself.

I started with the Law Society and did my shortlist and was disappointed.

I haven’t posted in the Relationship board so will do. Thank you.

Daisy chain what do you mean by exhaustive list? I believe so yes.

Just to give you an example we have two houses - our starter home which we rent out and a more substantial family home that we are currently in.
One solicitor looked at this and declared- oh this is fairly straighforward you can just have a house each and walk away cleanly???? That makes no sense as I couldn’t move into a starter home with more children than bedrooms and I cannot afford to run a large family home on a monthly income of £800.

Perhaps I am being very unreasonable- and expecting too much. I feel I need to trust my solicitor to fight for me and I’d like to have confidence if I’m going to be working with them- I’ve yet to see that.

If you do an Advanced Search on Poster WellWhoKnew , she is a wonderful lady who posted a lot back in 2014 at the height of her breakup and divorce giving loads of advice.

I've posted a link to a short thread where she recommends a book called Family Law Made Simple (ha ha if only, eh?) by Slater and Gordon who are a big well-known firm of solicitors. There are a lot of resources out there, so you can do your own research, to mitigate some costs:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_matters/2192535-Benchmark-for-division-of-assets-etc-in-a-divorce

And you'll get loads of support and empathy, and even a few laughs over in Relationships, to keep you sane in the meantime

Thank you daisy- that’s very kind of you.

I cannot recommend anyone in your area but as someone who got ripped off by my solicitor and dumped 8 weeks before final hearing and then ripped off again by direct access barrister and ended up self repping in final court hearing as a total emotional wreck do not go with anyone who you do not have a good gut instinct with.

Sadly the legal profession are conflicted by the amount of money that can be made out of acrimonious divorce cases where there is a pot to fight over and line their own pockets first.

They will tell you the family home has to be sold and then know they have the equity to use up in fees!

What I mean by an exhaustive list is literally every last thing you believe to be assets that need to be divided.

That makes no sense as I couldn’t move into a starter home with more children than bedrooms and I cannot afford to run a large family home on a monthly income of £800

If your DC are also your ex's then the terms of your divorce would include reasonable contributions from your ex to ensure the running costs of the family home are met, to ensure your DC have a roof over their head and are clothed / fed. So you wouldn't have to survive on £800 / month.

Daisy to say I know dh is an understatement- I know how his mind works and he has a problem if he’s not able to control me. I’m fairly certain that following a split he will move in with his wealthy father and jack in his (high earning) job meaning he cannot contribute to his children’s upbringing ( I remember the family discussing this very tactic when his brother was being divorced by his wife)
I need to protect my DC so was thinking a clean break was the smartest move- then he can do as he pleases and we won’t be controlled by him anymore.

Thank you GreenBeret.

I don't know about divorce, but my family has used various lawyers from Whitehead Monckton over the years and always had a good experience. Their main office is Maidstone but they do have a canterbury team too. Maybe look at their profiles online and see if anyone would suit what you need?

Good luck x

I don't know of any divorce solicitors who would want to talk about reconciliation. Are you sure it wasn't mediation they mentioned? Or conciliation?

Could the starter home be used to pay off any mortgage on the family home. Then if you can be put in the position of no mortgage it means you can go for the clean break. Something to discuss with the solicitor.

He may try a stunt like giving up his job, but judges have seen those shenanigans played out time after time, so don't feel beaten down or defeated. He will get dragged kicking and screaming, somehow. It may not work out totally in your favour but keep thinking positively in the meantime x

Try asking on the www.wikivorce.com forum too op.
I found it invaluable when I was DIY divorce.

Astonished to hear the advice the solicitor gave you! It's obvs quite a complicated situation and would need more than 30mins to explain.

Like Collaborate I think you might have misunderstood about reconciliation. That would make no sense.

What do you want.? And what assets are there apart from the houses? The solution nay be to sell both homes and each buy something that will have enough room for the children. Will he want to have the children to stay?
To be fair to the solicitors there's not much specifics they can give in half an hour more of s general overview of divorce procedure. If he's a slippy one toy are right to go for a clean break.

Could you go as far as Maidstone? Brachers in Maidstone are highly rated. I have found them really insufferable to deal with the last time I had them, but that may be what you need.

Alternatively Yashin Masoliver at Berry & Lambert in Tunbridge Wells is a tenacious and pretty forthright type. Bit of a trek though.

Decent family lawyers will follow the Resolution code of practice, which encourages a conciliatory approach. Conciliation is not the same as reconciliation and I think you may have hugely misunderstood what the solicitor told you. Being conciliatory will make the process more pleasant for all involved and will make it cheaper for you. Divorce is not some american TV drama- you are so much better off settling amicably (even if he is a total shit). I honestly cannot imagine any solicitor pushing reconciliation on you.

You probably don't want someone 'ruthless' with a rottweiler attitude in reality. It might seem great until you work out how much cash you are spending. The rottweilers are hideous to deal with for the other side's solicitor. Not because they are so marvellous and you are cowed into submission (which is probably what they tell their clients)- more that they are twats and it's impossible to have a proper conversation with them, so you end up having to issue proceedings and trebling the costs.

You cannot get decent advice in a free 30 minute appointment- they are just a tool for getting clients through the door.

I second Whitehead Monckton or Brachers btw.

I had to find out on MN that all assets in the marriage are jointly owned

Well, that's incorrect for a start. We don't have community of property in this country. They are not jointly owned- they belong to the person who acquired them. However, on divorce, the court has a discretion to redistribute assets owned jointly or solely by the parties.

The reason the solicitor could not tell you what you would end up with is firstly that the court has wide discretion, so it is impossible to say for definite, but more importantly, that your husband will not have made full financial disclosure yet. There is no point a solicitor saying in the first appointment that you will get X amount and then 3 months down the line, you find out that will not happen because you have now discovered more about his financial position.

Beware of what you are told on MN other than by people like Collaborate and Babybarrister who are trained family lawyers. On relationships, there is a lot of misinformation floating around about entitlement post-divorce.

Have PMd

A second vote for Yashin at Berry and Lambert.
DH had him for Divorce and he provided advice on request when self repping regarding contact. He is the the kind of smart, can't-pull -the-wool-over-his-eyes lawyer it sounds like you need. We saw him In Tonbridge though (quite a hike from our home ) but maybe he has moved to Tun Wells now.