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Original poster

Has anyone any experience of changing a childs surname, when the other parent..

31 replies

piratecat · 02/03/2011 19:30

with parental responsibilty is absent.

I have looked and looked at the law on this, and the deed poll side of it.

I want it to be in stone that dd has changed her name, and to do this I would need a court order instead of ex dh's permission. This would ensure that dd's passport could be changed.

Apparently with only a deed poll change (accompanied by a letter from me that ex has nothing to do with her) I might come up against problems officially, like the passport office. They would not accept the deed poll, and anyway a deed poll insists you use your new name, so i couldn't just leave dd's passport as her 'old name'

So I applied for a C1 form to the courts, for a court order and the form says I have to put in ex dh's name and address(respondents) anyway.
Then i have to serve him the paper, and he would know, come to court and oppose this. Even though he has nothing to do with her and she desp wants to change her name to my maiden name.

I thought the whole point of being able to get a court order was so you could override the other parent's wishes. Especially in cases where the other parent is abusive, or totally not bothered.

What happens if i don't put his address on the C1 form? What would happen if i didn't know his address?

What do the courts do to get in touch with him?

I feel so trapped by the system.

OP posts:
Original poster
piratecat · 02/03/2011 19:43

bump

OP posts:
LunarRose · 02/03/2011 19:58

If the other parent with parental responsibility has been absent for a long time I would considering doing it and wait to see if the Passport office object before even vaguely tackling the court. Ultimately all the court could do is order you to change it back.

My situation was different in that (emotional abusive) ex-h was still in kids life but I only wanted to double barrel the names. It went to court and I didn't get it. If the father has been absent for years I definately wouldn't bother going through the courts first

DuelingFanjo · 02/03/2011 20:04

Do you know his address?

Original poster
piratecat · 02/03/2011 20:43

yes i know his address.

OP posts:
Original poster
piratecat · 02/03/2011 20:44

Lunarrose, your ex went to court with you, then?

and you weren't allowed to double barrel

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Resolution · 02/03/2011 20:47

You must put his address down. Don't even think of not doing it. You won't get an order unless he's been served

Original poster
piratecat · 02/03/2011 20:50

if i do go ahead with the form. i will put his address in, i won't fib.

I don't think i will go ahead tho, as it will cause alot of shit. I can't face him. This is what i mean, i wish i could put his address but also explain the terrible way he has treated our daughter. I won't get the court order if he doesn't agree will i. Sad

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Resolution · 02/03/2011 20:59

How old is she?

Original poster
piratecat · 02/03/2011 21:40

she is nearly nine now.

she hates her father, many yrs of him letting her down, well documented on here.

Has given him many chances since she was 4 to be a 'dad'. In and out of counselling to cope with the rejection.

She cringes at his surname, when it is used and wants to have mine. I still have his, and have said to her well at least we both have it for now.

She hasn't seen him for 2 yrs. Never had any financial support.

OP posts:
Original poster
piratecat · 02/03/2011 21:42

I think i would rather put up with it for now. I would love to change mine but won't for her sake. Its unfair that a man with PR is allowed to have the rights he does when he doesn't even want the child in his life.

OP posts:
Resolution · 02/03/2011 21:51

The older she gets the more she will be able to decide this for herself, but 9 is too young IME.

Original poster
piratecat · 02/03/2011 21:54

but she won't be able to till she's 16 legally.

9 is young i agree.

just pisses me off that her suffering continues by having to hear his name, use his name.

OP posts:
LunarRose · 02/03/2011 22:34

Yes he went to court but situation was different cos he was still involved, but no they didn't let me double barrel. Ultimately I couldn't prove that it would harm them keeping the status quo (it does but I couldn't prove it) BUT form what you say you might be able to formulate an argument that psychological harm and get it through.

Having said that I'm sure on the name change website their give you a length of time that is normally accepted if the absent parent has NO involvement. Would your ex even know/notice? I would still be tempted for the try it and see if the passport office accepts ...

Original poster
piratecat · 03/03/2011 11:27

thanks lunar.

So perhaps i could try the deed poll avenue, see what i have to include about absent father.

If they give me a deed poll, then apply to passport office.

No he wouldn't know or notice in his daily life, but I do want it all legal.

OP posts:
onadifferentplanettoday · 03/03/2011 11:40

My 2 ds have had no contact with their father for 7 years. When they were 9 and 11 they asked with no prompting if they could us my name instead, I simply informed the school that they would be known by this name and they were happy,the only times they have to use their other name at the doctors or dentists and on their passports.They both intend to officialy change their names at 16 when they will not need official permission which wil mean their first adult passpots, bank accounts etc will be in the name they want. The will also be able to have this name on things like their GCSE certiicates.I have never stopped them from seeing their father that was his decision but always felt had we done something official when they were younger and circumstances changed they might have regretted it

Original poster
piratecat · 03/03/2011 12:18

that's interesting.

On the deed poll website they advise that most official places including school registers will only change a child's surname if they are satisfied all those with full parental responsibility have agreed to this.

Has your school changed the official register? Or are the children just altered on the say class register and any letter or reports that come out to you?

The deed poll could well be issued to me if i put in a covering letter of emotional abuse but they stipulate that these official places might not be satisfied, eg doctors etc. That the passport office 'might' accept the deed poll but might not !!!

OP posts:
Original poster
piratecat · 03/03/2011 12:22

Before we can issue a Deed Poll to change a child's name, we must be satisfied that everyone with parental responsibility for the child has consented to the name change. This means when you submit an application to us (either by post or online) you must also submit a letter of consent signed by everyone with parental responsibility for your child.

A letter of consent is not just required by ourselves since no school, doctor or similar official record holder (such as the passport office) should allow a child to be known by another name without satisfying themselves that everyone with parental responsibility has consented to the name change. Therefore, the letter of consent you send us will be returned to you with your child's Deed Poll documentation so it may be used, along with the Deed Poll, when applying to change your child's documents and records.

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onadifferentplanettoday · 03/03/2011 12:45

The official school register has their official name which is why it needs to be officially changed before GCSE entries go in, all letters,class lists etc refer to them by the name they reqested, they are older enough to understand that there are certain times as I mentioned before when they have to use their registered name but this is rare. I did consider the deed poll route but although I don't officially know the wareabouts of my ex, it only took me a few minutes on google to find his address phone number etc so could not honestly say I did not know where he lived.

Original poster
piratecat · 03/03/2011 13:14

thats brilliant info thankyou.

I am going to approach the school and see what they say. So to recap, dd can be known by a different surname on school lists letters etc... NOW!

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onadifferentplanettoday · 03/03/2011 13:35

They certainly can at the schools they are at now and were at their previous school, at their previous one there were other children who did the same and one who asked and was allowed to double barrel. I may just have been lucky that their schools were understanding but I would certainly ask

Original poster
piratecat · 03/03/2011 15:52

Well I popped in to the office and they didn't seem very up on the subject.

I am to go see the other secretary on monday. They kept saying that it would read the new name (my maiden name) and then her birth name in brackets. They didn't know if this would be on her books, class reg etc... I said i wanted it to be the new known as name on any correspondence if that was possible, certificates etc...

The point is she doesn't wish to be known as her old name!

OP posts:
NoodlesMam · 03/03/2011 16:15

I changed my DD1's surname by deed poll. My situation was different where I was not married to her father and never had been and he had not seen her for years. I have managed to change her name with the passport office, school, doctors etc using just the deed poll certificate, I've never had to produce the supporting letter? The only thing I couldn't change obviously was her birth certificate.

Resolution · 03/03/2011 16:57

There is only one way to do things, and that is properly. Unfortunately schools don't always get this right.

They should not accept any change of name unless they have evidence in the form of a change of name deed (used to be called a deed poll, but that dropped out of common usage decades ago).

Doctors surgeries, passport agency, DVLA and any other official body should be the same.

LunarRose · 03/03/2011 18:00

If he's absent there is no reason not to do it

Guidance child name when a parent with parental authority is absent:

www.ukdps.co.uk/CanIChangeMyChildsName.html#Section6

their example letter

www.ukdps.co.uk/LettersOfConsent4.html

A school doing it can get in trouble for changing th name on their records without deedpoll or passport so I'm not at all surprised they are reluctant!!

Original poster
piratecat · 03/03/2011 18:47

a change of name deed can be given to you if you have sent a supporting letter saying that facts, ie, he can't be found or the circs are this. But it's not a legal change is it. What I mean is, they will send you a deed certificate but they will send you one without written agreement from the other person with PR. They say on their site, this does not mean that all organisations will deffo accept the certificate. Most likely to not accept a deed poll change is the passport office, but then they say they might do.

It's not very clear is it.

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