Talk me out of wanting a 4th child

[3or4ormore]

I’m 36, husband 37. We had our 3rd baby a couple of weeks ago. Older children are 4 and 2.

I swore that this would be our final baby. But now, I’m not so sure. I know that it would be silly to have another for all sorts of reasons. I’m too old, my poor career, fewer resources and less time for each child. But, still...

Please talk me into having a coil fitted! 😂

No. Why would it make me feel better? It's pretty important to get it right though, when you're writing for thousands of people to read.

This isn’t the thread for you.

In fact why do you care? The earth will die in a billion years anyway. Nothing to preserve. We may as well make ourselves comfy and figure out how to get off this rock in the remaining time.

OP right there with you. Just deciding on the fourth since time is … short.

It’s too soon to know. At this stage you always swear you’re desperate for another or will never do it again. Say you’ll officially park it for 6 months and use different contraception.

@OneBusyFinch you need to focus your efforts on countries where there is an actual population problem. Someone in the uk having 4 children is a drop in the ocean. We actually have a serious fertility deficit which experts are now more scared of. We are going to be absolutely screwed when we age. And no, unfortunately immigration is not the answer. It doesnt work like that. Read up on it.

Baby is 14 months old!

What are your contingency plans for ...

one parent dying
One parent developing a chronic disabling illness
Divorce
A severly disabled child (either your hypothetical 4th child or one of your existing children)
Unemployment
Mental illness or SEN in any of your children
Further economic down turn
A radical change to the benefit system in the next two decades (particularly regarding the funding of large families)

Etc etc??

You made your thread come back up by re commenting on it and no one’s checking the dates however I’d still think you were crazy.

Oops for some reason thought 14 weeks

I’m in the same boat and can’t decide… I’m 34 with a 7, 5 & 2 year old.

Things holding me back are my autoimmune illness (that I’ve had since I was 16 so nothing new and not stopped me having the first three), & the what ifs about health issues for me and the baby. Husband says he wouldn’t mind another.

I really really want a large family… 🥹 I’ve got a good job, a nice sized house (3 beds but good size rooms). Could definitely find room for one more 🤣

What have you decided @3or4ormore ? I’m in a similar boat trying to decide

I was one of 4 and absolutely hated it: I never seemed to be able to attract my parents' attention and I was left alone a lot. One of my siblings was disabled, and rightly so, my parents had to spend a lot of time seeing to his needs, but it was miserable for the rest of us. Trying to split your attention 4 ways is not an easy thing.

How old are yours @Kiddiesmama?

I have to say, I’ve found it tough going back to work this time. Lots of nursery related illness for the little one and lots of adjusting to the juggle.

That being said, I would still absolutely love one more. My husband is more cautious as he loves what we have now and doesn’t want to rock the boat. I’d like to try now and have another 2y age gap but obviously I know that we would both have to be fully on board to do this! I think we will revisit it at Christmas.

Mine are 5, 3 and 6 months old. Husband also not really onboard but I’m sure would agree if I really pushed for it. I’m on the fence!

Aaah we are in a very similar position! Do you work? I think that it would be a much easier call if I didn’t have to/want to work.

Age isn’t really on my side and I don’t want to leave too much of a gap and have three close together and one after a big gap. But we will see!!

After my redundancy a while ago I decided to take a career break so currently with the kids full time. This means however that I do worry a little about the financial side. I must say I enjoy the break from my stressful job/career and the more kids we have, the harder it would be for me to continue to stay home. I do want to go back to work at some point (although not necessarily back to my old career) but I’m not ready yet.

Oh and age isn’t on my side either so I do feel we need to decide soonish.

I had four under six.
Hard work at the time.
All adults now and I am glad I went ahead and had them.

It’s so difficult isn’t it? I definitely wish I could have stayed on maternity leave for longer, though I know I’m lucky to be able to work part time. I think my 5yo especially really benefitted from me being at home.

I’m trying to get my husband on board without badgering him. Just sending subliminal messages! 😂😂

Good luck with your decision!

I think part time would be ideal but it seems impossible in my industry which is such a shame. Either way, it’s a shame we can’t have it all. Stay at home- you worry about the finances, go back to work you worry about not spending enough time with them.

If any of your subliminal messages work, let me know🤣 maybe I’ve been too direct as I keep getting a straight “no”😅