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Original poster

Anybody else feel like people blame the amount of children you have...

37 replies

MultipleMama · 15/02/2014 08:15

...as to why can't "cope."

Last week a mother on the ward made the passing comment that I wouldn't find it so hard if I didn't have 4 DC at home.

Then a friend told me if I didn't "pop" them out then maybe I'd be able to cope and focus on my "ill" baby more.

Comments like that make me scream!

It also annoys me when people give me pity looks when I take them out and have my hands full. Or when 1 or 2 tantrum at the same time. When really this is a normal day for us, or having one day day out of a good week.

I think I cope pretty well considering the situation. How well I cope has nothing to do with how many kids I have, it's down to my mind set.

Just exhausted and annoyed after MIL made a comment similar to the ones above.

Anybody else feel like this?

OP posts:

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Mumof3xx · 15/02/2014 08:17

I know people who struggle with one child

It depends on the child/children and their mood!

I have three 6 and under and at times they drive me up the wall but I know if dc2 was an only child he would still drive me up the wall because he is very stroppy and stubborn

Original poster

MultipleMama · 15/02/2014 08:23

Exactly. Everyone copes different!

Sometimes when people figure how many DC you have they blame or like to think that's the reason as to why. Very annoying.

OP posts:

Mumof3xx · 15/02/2014 08:25

And it's do often those with no children at all I find!

Original poster

MultipleMama · 15/02/2014 08:28

Very true!

OP posts:

notso · 15/02/2014 08:42

We have got a biggish gap between our first two and our second two and people are always saying, "I bet you wish you'd stopped at two"
because they are 3years and 22 months and quite hard work at the moment.
When DC1 and DC2 were small and difficult no one ever said I bet you wished you'd never had children.

I also resent the fact that people assume I treat my eldest DD 13 as some kind of au pair. They always say "well at least you've got DD I bet she's a god send helping with the boys".
It annoys because I know if she was a boy they wouldn't say it and also because she is my child as well, being a teenager has a whole new set of needs. Yes she sleeps at night and can dress and feed herself but parenting is more than that.

Mama1980 · 15/02/2014 08:49

I think you are doing amazingly well
I do find this myself I have 4 children if my eldest was mine by birth I would have been 15 when I had her, I find myself judged all the time single mother, 4 children especially when I have my youngest 2 at drs appointments. People have actually asked if I though it was a good idea to have them so close!
Then I tell them my eldest and youngest are mine by sgo, and suddenly I'm wonderful not irresponsible and it makes me want to punch them!!
Your family is no ones business but yours, I have 4 brothers and a sister myself -big families are wonderful.
x

Original poster

MultipleMama · 15/02/2014 08:49

Mine are still young but I bet it's annoying for people to assume you pass off your youngest on your eldest. And at 13, she still isn't an adult and will always be your child not your babysitter. :) xx

OP posts:

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 15/02/2014 08:52

Notso, just to reassure you, my eldest is a boy and I get exactly the same comments about how he must help with the little ones. And as you say, teenagers are hard work in themselves, but on a practical level, yes he does help and it's great having one that doesn't need help dressing etc. :)

Original poster

MultipleMama · 15/02/2014 08:58

Thanks, mama1980 :).

DH finds that when he takes them out people think he's "wonderful" for taking care of his children and spending time with them whereas people think I'm a frazzled mess! Haha

OP posts:

ThreeBeeOneGee · 15/02/2014 08:59

DD had mild global developmental delay (has thankfully caught up in most areas). Someone made the comment that if she'd been an only child then it wouldn't have happened, because I would have given her more attention.

Original poster

MultipleMama · 15/02/2014 09:04

That insensitive bugger, I bet that made you feel awful and annoyed!

I've had a comment where they hinted that if I wasn't chasing after 2 toddlers and resting instead I could have carried (#5 & #6) longer and they wouldn't have been so premature.

OP posts:

notso · 15/02/2014 09:17

Interesting FuckYouChris that is not my experience. DD is often out with friends so it is just me and my three boys. DS1 is nearly 10 but huge just about the same height as me, everyone thinks he is yr 7.
When I am out with them no one ever says they bet DS1 is a big help, I just get the poor you three boys comments, a totally different attitude!

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 15/02/2014 10:20

Notso, that's a horrible attitude! Maybe it's because ds is so much older (he's in year 11) and there's quite a big gap. I get lots of nice comments about how nurturing and caring boys can be as well.

Threebee, that's a horrendous comment

I get lots of "you're destroying the planet", to which I reply "I'm ensuring your pension gets paid and attempting to increase the average IQ" but mostly people are lovely.

QueenofKelsingra · 15/02/2014 13:08

oh yes, get this a fair bit and I only have 3. having just found out your set up mama its even more silly to comment like it - like we somehow had control over having multiples!! my MIL frequently tells me how 'silly' it was to have twins!

its the assumption that you aren't coping that bugs me. yes there are bad days but what they assume is not coping (multiple tantrums in shops etc) is just part of the day and will soon be resolved.

Original poster

MultipleMama · 15/02/2014 13:41

My MiL said the same thing about it being "silly", it's not like I turned to DH and said, "this time, I want one baby not two!"but she has no trouble spoiling them or trying demand time with them. She's tried to guilt trip too yet when I'm having a bad day or PG she has to have her opinion. Oh the joys haha.

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ILickPicnMix · 17/02/2014 16:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NAR4 · 17/02/2014 19:58

Don't listen to negative comments mama, you're doing great. Anyone with a sick child struggles, regardless of how many others they have. It is tireing and is prob making you feel more sensitive to stupid comments you would normally just brush off.

I have 3 teenage boys and 2 under 3 now. People always say how it must be easier for me than them (with 2 children) because I have the teenagers to help. Wonder if they will still think that is the case when their own children are teenagers! They have their own lives and are also still my children, not the live in help.

Chin up and carry on . I am quite jealous of your future life. With your children so close in age it will be even more lovely once they get a bit older and your feet have time to touch the ground again.

Original poster

MultipleMama · 17/02/2014 20:41

Thanks, NAR. I'm trying to enjoy them while they're young so vibrant and full of life. Though I look forward to the future too, I can't wait to see how the interact and grow up with each other though I am dreading the teenage years with them close together

OP posts:

ILickPicnMix · 17/02/2014 20:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NAR4 · 17/02/2014 21:02

Don't worry about having lots of teenagers. I have 3 and it really isn't that bad.

Original poster

MultipleMama · 17/02/2014 21:05

I think those people don't remember being a teenager!

OP posts:

Original poster

MultipleMama · 17/02/2014 21:12

Luckily I have nearly 8 years before my ds1 becomes a teenager!

And to be honest if I have anymore when they're older than I'd want them to be teenagers and experience not stuck "babysitting" their siblings because I can't be bothered or some crap like that!

OP posts:

StupidMistakes · 17/02/2014 21:14

Point out that people used to have much larger families than yours without todays technology and advances and managed perfectly well

Original poster

MultipleMama · 17/02/2014 21:21

That is true. My dad is one of 9 and was raised in Russia. I'm pretty sure they didn't have laptops and games consoles then!

OP posts:

ThinkIMmad · 17/02/2014 22:59

i feel your annoyance i really do. I have 4 5 and under my eldest is nearly 6 and is the most hard work always has been and way things are going it probilly will be like that. If he is in 1 of his moods especially if we are out my 3 year old twins usually join in or they see im busy with ds1 they will try and take my attention by running off or something not that that has happened lots just a couple times. It is hard work i hate people starring it sends me into this mad panic, at home im fine at discipling them but i guess to outsiders it looks like i have no control over them.

Fingers crossed atm that we have turned a corner though. I Just make sure im consistant with my consequences and make them aware of the boundarys i have set for them. End of the day no child is perfectly behaved we all have to tell them off at 1 point or another in public its just when you have a bigger family it seems like theyre out of control

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