Anybody else feel like people blame the amount of children you have...

[MultipleMama]

...as to why can't "cope."

Last week a mother on the ward made the passing comment that I wouldn't find it so hard if I didn't have 4 DC at home.

Then a friend told me if I didn't "pop" them out then maybe I'd be able to cope and focus on my "ill" baby more.

Comments like that make me scream!

It also annoys me when people give me pity looks when I take them out and have my hands full. Or when 1 or 2 tantrum at the same time. When really this is a normal day for us, or having one day day out of a good week.

I think I cope pretty well considering the situation. How well I cope has nothing to do with how many kids I have, it's down to my mind set.

Just exhausted and annoyed after MIL made a comment similar to the ones above.

Anybody else feel like this?

My ds1 just turned 5 in Sept, and he usually is a bright happy boy and easily pleased but he can become quite stubborn if he has his mind on something which has led to a few supermarket tantrums. I've had him scream while laid in the middle of the aisle, I've had do the whole stiff thing so I could pick him up or take his hand. Once I had to grab his wrist so I could walk him, and this lady gave me the nastiest glare - it's like I was bloody dragging him down the aisle... yet 2 minutes later, he could be back to his happy self - this goes on while I have one in the sling asleep, and 2 throwing things out the stroller. DH up ahead completely oblivious looking at magazines! By then the whole supermarket thinks I have wild children.

I've learnt to ignore most of them and make snarky comments to those who purposely insult or mention my kids personally.

I'm thinking of getting a set of T shirts printed -
'Yes I've got my hands full'
'I'm not a childminder, they're all mine'
'Yes they all have the same father'
'No we didn't have IVF'
And finally
'No thanks, I'm managing PERFECTLY'

Good idea, Arseface

I honestly dont think they are a friend if they make comments like that

I have 4, 5 and under. I'm fed up of the looks i get when picking eldest ds up from school with the other 3 in tow (only one at school). I have twins which obviously means my 4 are very close but i'm sure people think you some how 'order' 2 babies at once!

I know all about the looks!

Mine are older now, so it doesn't happen.

But, out of all the looks I used to get over the years, not all of those would've been people being snotty and looking down on me.

In the mix would have been ....

quite a fair few women trying desperately to conceive, thinking they'd give anything to have at least one screaming toddler with them in the supermarket,

some grandparents looking on wistfully, wishing that their grandchildren lived nearer,

parents of teenagers, thinking, I wish mine were still this age, half the time I don't know where they are!

some mums thinking, I remember this...I nearly strangled mine last week when he/she threw herself on the floor in front of the fish counter!

parents of one or two DCs wondering how on earth you are coping so well, when they struggle with one/two,

people thinking give that woman a medal, how does she stay so calm?

Of course, some would be thinking I was a shite mother, draining the world's resources, and some would pity me, but it did used to help to think that there were a fair few thinking I was doing OK!

I get a comment like that every now and then

I feel like I should never ever complain that I struggle or things are difficult because "well, you should have thought of that before had them all" or " haha, you are a glutton for punishment"

but the opposite happens quite a lot. people don't get it, that with 6 kids and being pg I can't just jump or make quick decisions.
it takes carefully thinking and organising to even go to the GP's at certain times.
or when the two youngest are asleep at lunchtime I can't just wake them up and pop out or we'll all suffer later.

It's bloody hard, but I'm not supposed to say that

so I'm with you.

and as a side thought I had given up on feeling guilty about things a long time ago along with justifying myself or my actions to people who have no insight or understanding.

Oh yeh...I forgot what the OP was!

My Dsis came out with a classic "Well, what do you expect when you've got four DCs?" line when my youngest was only a few weeks old and I was tired!

And yes, I sense that sometimes other people do have that sentiment, too.

Sod 'em. None of us would change it for the world, and those people don't matter.

Apart from my Dsis, who does matter!

It was like she'd knocked the wind out of me when she said it. Not once did I say anything to her about how she couldn't cope, even though she only had two, I was always encouraging her and telling her she was doing a great job, when hers were younger, even when she clearly wasn't!

I have dc 4 due in a few weeks but I get this already. Friends and family with two dc moan all the time about one thing or another dc related and I am sympathetic and encouraging - if I even hint at being tired/skint/stretched whatever, then its my own fault for having so many dc and what did I expect!!

I want a tshirt printed too, but mine will just have a big 'F U' on it I think

Oh yes I get this, lots of handful comments esp as I have four boys.

Seemingly it was ok to have no 5 as she is a girl...so lots of comments re finally getting a girl.

Over half term all five kids amd myself had a v&d bug, it was awful! But I got a few "well if you will have five children" comments...arghh.

If it helps I am a bit in awe of those with more than 2 especially with close age gaps - I feel like a crap mum when I can hardly cope with 2 with a big age gap - maybe some are a little jealous ?

For some reason this thread isn't showing up on my "I'm on" section. Annoying.

Thank you all for your lovely views and opinions, it's nice to know I'm not the only one who has to deal with annoying, insensitive people!

sorry, I haven't been on to reply ds4 was finally released from SCBU only to be on the children's ward a week later for an overnight stay due to catching a chest infection and screaming his voice raw. Hectic!