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Original poster

Talk to me about spacing and 3 child families

28 replies

bicyclebuiltforfour · 03/05/2013 20:55

Sure this has been done before but hey ho.

We have 2.5yrs between DC1 and DC2. We're discussing a third, and having a smaller gap (just under/around 2yrs if all works out).

Most 3-child families I know have larger gaps between DC2 and DC3 than between DC1 and DC2.

Is there a reason for this? Is this better? Does it make life incredibly hard having a relatively small gap between the two youngest??

OP posts:

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nicobean · 03/05/2013 23:15

You sound just like me, I've got 2.5 yrs between DD1 and 2 and 2 years between DD2 and DS. I'd hoped for a bigger gap between no.2 and 3, but DS was a BIG (lovely as it turned out!) surprise.

I found life manic when DS was a baby and tough to juggle a preschooler and a toddler AND a baby, but this year I'm actually really enjoying the gap. They play well together and still enjoy the same type of activities: they still all like playgrounds and Peppa.

Best of luck with whatever you choose.

evertonmint · 03/05/2013 23:18

Go for it. We wanted 3, had a 2.5y gap btwn 1 and 2. Thought about a 2yr gap to dc3, panicked and didn't do it. If I got pregnant tomorrow would have a 3.4yr gap which suddenly seems too big as I'm getting used to being over the baby phase. I'm not sure we'll have a 3rd now.

I have 3 friends with less than 4yrs between all children. Really wish we'd done that now!

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii · 03/05/2013 23:28

The closer the better IMO. My three were born within four years, they are teens/early twenties now and it is lovely to see how close they are. They hang out together, I am not sure they would be as close if there was a big age difference.

Original poster

bicyclebuiltforfour · 04/05/2013 01:14

Good to see it can be done, even if life will be crazy: I can cope with that :) The transition to two wasn't as hard as I'd feared/heard which gives me hope for coping with three... My siblings and I are all about 2-3yrs about (four of us) and it is indeed lovely now.

Right. Now the next challenge is to find time for some baby-making... ;)

OP posts:

SomeBear · 04/05/2013 01:18

I had my 3 very close - 22 months between DD1 and DS (this was planned) and just 14 months between DS and DD2 (totally unplanned) and given the option again, I wouldn't change a thing. The baby stage seemed endless at the time and I spent 5 years straight changing nappies but now they are nearly at secondary school it seems much, much easier. Just wish I'd been brave enough to plan a DC4 but it's too late now!

CherryPie3 · 04/05/2013 08:12

There is 16 months between dd and ds1, but there is 4yrs between ds1 and ds2 (to the day!) Only reason for this is it took me so long to convince dh... I would have preferred a gap of no more than 2 years between each of my kids. I'm ready for another now but if I got pregnant today there would still be over 3 yrs between ds2 and dc4. But I can live with that - I'm only 28 :).

ChasingStaplers · 04/05/2013 08:31

Another one who thinks closer is good.
I have 22 months between DD (4) and DS1 (2) and 22 months between DS1 and DS2 (4 months).
I can already see the closeness between the three of them. DD and DS1 can't remember a time when the other wasn't there and they're old enough to want to look after DS2 now.
Best thing is, they're into similar things already and play and fight together while I have time with DS2.
They also stick up for each other when another child isn't being very nice to them which I secretly find very endearing.
I'd have a number 4 if I could but sadly that's not to be!

MultipleMama · 04/05/2013 09:44

Mine are close together. About 2.5 between DS and DD, 17 months between DD and DTS, and they'll be about 15 months between DTS and DTS2.

It's possible but hectic and totally worth it

Bowlersarm · 04/05/2013 09:46

You would have the same gaps as my DC. My gaps are 2yrs4 and then 22 months. It has worked really well for us

CheerfulYank · 04/05/2013 10:08

I'm due in a few weeks with DC2 and DC1 is almost 6! If we go for DC3 it will definitely be a shorter age gap.

MolotovCocktail · 04/05/2013 10:29

We have 2 DDs: a 3.2yr age gap. DD1 is now 4.2yo an DD2 is just 1yo.

Whilst we I don't want to actively TTC (DD2's conception took 2 years and 6 Clomid cycles), DH would quite like another baby. I find that I'm quite good with 2 DCs but there are moments when I'm on my own and feel quite stretched. I seriously wonder what I'd be like with 3 just yet ... but then I don't get pregnant quickly!

Molotov is in a proper quandry

DoNotDisturb · 04/05/2013 14:23

I'll have exactly what you're suggesting. Two and half years between dc1 and dc2 and two years between dc2 and dc3 who's due in a month.

I'm expecting the smaller gap to slightly more difficult at first as at 2 dc2 will be less self sufficient than dc1 was his sister arrived but I'm sure it'll all work out in the end. At 4.5 and 2 they play lovely together now.

Tbh if I could I'd have had them closer together buty fertility takes over a year to come back with all the breast feeding..

mikkii · 04/05/2013 14:35

I have 2.7 between DS and DD1 (MC between or gap would have been 2 years 2 weeks) then 3.5 between DD1 and DD2, but only because it took 13 months to conceive. I think more depends on personality than gap.

DS is gentle and a lovely big brother. DD1 is a bit of a bull in a china shop (but never malicious) and at 3.5 old enough to feel jealous about being replaced as the baby. She has treated DD2 as her living dolly since birth, which has not always gone smoothly.

Now, DS dotes on DD2, but did admit to missing his annoying sister on 2 day residential trip. DD's now pay together nicely (sometimes!)

NAR4 · 04/05/2013 19:49

I have 23 months between dc1 and dc2 and the same between dc2 and dc3. I found this a lovely age gap. They grew up close enough in age to do the same things but not so close in age I was pulling my hair out.

They are all teenagers now and are each others best friends still.

I deliberately had the same age gap between dc4 and dc5. I hope they grow up enjoying each others company as much as my older ones have.

MissLurkalot · 04/05/2013 19:55

We were 3 yrs 9 months between dc1 and dc2.. Then 2 yrs 5 months between dc2 and dc3..... Be warned though, we thought, yay, let's round the numbers up and go for dc4, due in a fortnight.. 2 yrs 3 months between dc3 and dc4,... So, 4 kids all 8 yrs and under! Hurrah!

MrsShrek3 · 04/05/2013 19:56

dc1 -dc2 2yrs 8 and a half months
dc2-dc3 2yrs 2 months
between number 1& 3 it is 5wks short of 5 years.

it's fab.

MerylStrop · 04/05/2013 20:01

We had the classic 27 months between DS1 and DD, and then because Dd was an Extremely High Maintenance from 12 months until - well - I expect it is ongoing, a slightly bigger gap of 3 and 1/4 years between her and DS2. It worked really well for us, the baby was such a positive for DD and it was so much easier than having two under 3.

That said, once you are through the first year, it probably evens out loads

Beatrixpotty · 04/05/2013 20:34

I've got 18m between DS1 &DS2 then 23m between DS2&DS3.Small gaps and only reason 2nd gap is slightly bigger is that I was desperate for another after DS1 and undecided after DS2 so waited a bit longer,but I'm nearly 40 so didn't delay it too much!DS3 is 8 weeks old now.My house is pretty busy but it has been nowhere near as bad as I thought and I'm glad they are all close in age.DS1&DS2 have started to play together really well and have happily accepted DS3 ,probably because they are having so much fun together that they are not bothered about me sitting bf their brother.DS1 starts school in September so will mainly be me at home with DS2& DS3 which seems easy,as I've done the baby & toddler thing already and survived!

Aethelfleda · 05/05/2013 15:58

We had a bigger gap between DC2 and DC3: it was just the way things worked out.

If your DP is on board then go for it, don't worry about other peoples' gaps, just do what works for you all.

Original poster

bicyclebuiltforfour · 05/05/2013 19:33

Wow - such a variety of choices, but everyone seems pretty happy with what they decided (or got) which is reassuring.

We'd have liked a slightly smaller gap between our first two to be honest, but life got in the way. I also have to finish BF before I can conceive again (or at least needed to first time around), so that'll put the gap at around 2yrs anyway... Fell pg first cycle TTC with both of our current children so we're working off that happening again (although it's bound to now take ages!!).

OP posts:

littlepeas · 05/05/2013 20:05

We have 2 small gaps - 13 months between ds1 and dd and then 22 months between dd and ds2. I had 3 under 3 for 3 weeks! It's worked out fab (so far - they are still all under 5) and they are close. It feels great to be 'done' and to just get on with enjoying my family too.

Thinkingof4 · 05/05/2013 20:56

I have 2.5 years between 1&2, and 22months between 2&3. Will be 25 months between 3&4 when this one arrives!
I love the fact that they are all quite close in age, for me it's easier in that they share interests so keeping them entertained is a bit easier. Probaly helps that they are all boys mind you (so far anyway)

FamousFiveForever · 02/06/2013 23:09

My youngest two are 10 months apart and in the beginning it was hard work, crazy hours, sleepless nights, dazed days, forever cleaning up or responding to a baby crying. After the 3rd csec carrying them both up to the house or pushing them in a sturdy double pram was back breaking. I actually still have a double navel hernia...but it's all fine now. They are close and start to play more together, not just next to each other. They are 2.5 and 20 months respectively. Close is betterI think because they are a little gang and go on outings that they all appreciate and enjoy. The eldest is only4.5, so no one feels bored or left out. They share friends and weareach others clothes, it is quite cute. Yes they also fight becausetheyare so little but Iwouldn't change it forthe world.

FamousFiveForever · 02/06/2013 23:11

To answer your question, yes, the first year will be very busy but you'll enjoy it so much more afterwards. I haven't found the 23month bracket sogood, my eldest two fight like cockerels (basically my eldest being v v jealous). I would have said 15-16 month gap is perfect.

BackforGood · 02/06/2013 23:40

I think you answer your own question in your 2nd post

Right. Now the next challenge is to find time for some baby-making... ;)

With two LOs, it's difficult to find the time or energy to make the third, even if you can envisage coping with them!

I have 2yrs 4m between 1 and 2, and 2yrs 10m between 2 and 3.
After the first couple of years, when the amount of months does make a difference, once they start school, the 'school years between them' becomes more important. The way mine work out, they are all 3 school years apart, which I quite like - it gives them their own 'space' (in clubs / activities they go to, which tend to be age based) so they aren't with their siblings, and - although you won't be thinking of this at the moment - it means you don't have them all doing public exams at the same time, which a lot of my friends do, and say is a nightmare!
OTOH, I have a friend with 3 in 3 school years, and she really likes the fact she does one journey (say to cubs) for all 3, and that time is over and all 3 will be at Scouts together before long. She reckons it makes life a lot easier, although concedes she doesn't get many hand-me downs of equipment etc, as they all need it during the same years.

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