GP won't refer - 15 months in

[VenusStarr]

Just need a bit of a rant. Started fertility testing in November as we'd been unsuccessfully ttc for a year. Sent for bloods and swabs, all OK. Had a scan which showed fibroids that could be blocking my tubes. Dh was due his SA last week but the clinic rearranged this to March before Christmas. Saw the GP today and was sure he'd at least refer me to gynecology due to the scan results. But he won't until my dh has had his SA.

We asked if we went private for the test would that help, be said he'd accept it but was unsure if the NHS fertility clinic would.

So we're in limbo. I found a local private clinic that can offer same day results and he can get in within the best week. But don't want to waste money if the NHS won't accept / recognise them. Also unsure if my dh will even get his apt in March as the resin given was staffing issues.

I'm so frustrated and sad that we can't even get in the door to find out what the issue is. I understand the pressures of the NHS (I work in the NHS and I value it) but I'm so deflated and sad.

Anybody else trying to navigate to ye unknown and want to rant? Or any advice?

It’s possibly not that your GP won’t refer it could well be that he can’t until all results are back as he would have to send copies of results with the referral. If one test has not been done then possibly they would bounce the referral back to GP

I understand that but I should still be referred to gynecology on the basis of my scan (in my mind) but it's having to wait on the test results of someone else to even do that. Even if I could see the gynecologist I could have treatment which may actually mean we don't need a fertility referral.

It's also frustrating that the NHS system doesn't appear to recognise private results so you're at their mercy as to when they may even let you start a referral. And the GP said we'd most likely need all our tests re-doing at the clinic. Feels like wasted time and wasted resources.

Infertility is wasted time. That's all it is. And that's what makes dealing with it so difficult. For infertility, you're referred as a couple, and ultimately, you're being referred for infertility. Your gynae issues might only need investigating because of infertility issues.

Things that helped me cope with the wasted time: counselling, acupuncture, trying loads of different diets (vegan, low gi etc...), research, antidepressants, coming up with a long term plan a, b, c, d etc...

You do have to have all tests done with gp first our gp said the infertility/gyn clinic will refer you back or not accept the referal if basic tests are not done. We had sperm test bloods and internal, abdominal and blood tests for me, now we have been referred and it took about 7months for This to be done, you should be referred once your ohs sperm test results are back but make sure you ask for his bloods to be done because this held ya up as our gp forgot 🙄I know it’s horrible but it’s step by step x

As others are said, as the primary reason is infertility, they will refer you as a couple so need both sets.

Chances are the fertility clinic will re-do some tests anyway (they re-did the SA for us), but they had to have one to get the referral.

I would have thought they would accept a private test - I had one I went to see my GP about and he took the result seriously. It is really down to whether you want to pay privately to get going now or wait until March.

If you are not sure, give the fertility clinic you would be getting referred to a ring. They should let you speak to one of the nurses and just ask whether they will accept it. They are likely to be able to help as different trusts may work differently.

What blood tests do they need to do for dh @donnas146? No one has mentioned those.

Thank you all, that's very helpful. Feel a bit better now. Have looked into private and there's a local clinic that can do same day SA so will talk to dh about that later.

I had a counselling appt on Monday which did help me. Stopped accupuncture for the time being. Am trying to use this time to get healthy and lose weight. Have been going for a walk everyday and off for a run tonight.

Sometimes they want the male partner to have bloods for HIV, hepatitis and syphilis before referral. No other blood tests are normally necessary for your husband unless there is a significant abnormality with his sperm count.

Thank you @EarlGreyT. I spoke to the surgery earlier to see if they'd ever had a referral sent back with a private SA. She said she hadnt and its worth trying. She did say try the hospital again tomorrow (tried 4 times to get through today) to see if they have any private appointments available. She didn't mention blood tests so thinking we don't need them at this stage.

I think we'll likely get the private test in the next week or so.

I had to ring my nhs clinic sometimes 20-40 times to get through to anyone (sometimes line was busy, sometimes they just didn't pick up). Be more persistent.

Thank you @physicskate, we will keep trying. I'm not sure if it's better to wait or to hang up and dial again. Was on hold for 25 minutes at one point. I've got time tomorrow.

NHS gynaecology were happy to accept a private semen analysis for us. GP referred to Gynae and then Gynae referred to the fertility service after doing more tests.

That's good to hear @DianaBlythe, thank you :)

And @VenusStarr even once you get to the referral stage, the process is SLOW. Essentially they wait it out to see if you'll somehow just fall pregnant (50% of the people who didn't fall pregnant in the first year of ttc will in the second)... sometimes you wait months for an appointment and they just say come back in three months, for example.

So anything that helps you cope with the time-wasting and disappointment, grab onto it with both hands and don't let go!!! Having super low expectations helped me get through (although at times I did feel suicidal)...

Good luck!!!

Thank you @physicskate. I'm sorry to hear that you felt so low. I've had a lot of anxiety the last few weeks and cried a lot, but I'm seeking counselling help and trying to focus on getting as healthy as possible.

I do need to prepare for the long haul. Thank you for helping me try to focus on being realistic with my expectations :)

For hormones x

Yes our doctor wouldn't do refer us further until all results were back including sperm test, there was a 4 month waiting list for it as well! I begged and pleaded but they refused, they need to know everything before referring you on. Dealing with infertility takes a heck of a lot of patience, unfortunately OP this is another one of those times. I do feel for you. I know how disheartening it can all feel. The four months waiting for that test felt like years, as we'd already been struggling for 24 months! We were told the results took two weeks to come back and then a week after the test we finally got our BFP! Wishing you all the best.

@VenusStarr
I’m so sorry you’re having issues with the delays in the system! Isn’t it just the most frustrating thing that makes you want to cry and scream at the same time!
It’s good that you are having counselling to help - the amount of patience required for this treatment seems to be so immense.

Please let us know how you get on. We’ve had something similar in that our clinic have suddenly decided that we need a new sperm test done and the next appointment is in 3 months! We were on the brink of starting treatment too so I’m trying to figure out if we can get it done any quicker. If the nhs will accept private tests, we will just do it.
@Freezby that’s so great that you got your bfp after all that wait!

The Gp made my DH have a blood test but when we got to the hospital appointment the gynaecologist said what was the point in that?

There is a LOT of waiting. I was referred for a laparoscopy in early October and I’m just going for it at the end of this month. I won’t get put on the waiting list for IVF until after the lap and then it could be a long wait.

Thank you all. We've booked privately for this weekend and get the results the same day so hopefully the GP can at least refer.

We had a good heart to heart last night and I honestly didn't realise the impact my emotional state was having on him so it has made me take a step back. The most important thing is us and I have kind of lost sight of that, getting caught up in all of this.

Congratulations @Freezby, so pleased to hear that.

Will let you know @Brambles7. To go private with the NHS was double the cost, restricted on the days you can go and still have to wait 2 weeks for the results!

Sorry to hear of your long wait too @kikisparks. Hope all goes well with your laparoscopy.

Thanks again everyone x

We're here if you need us!!

I totally remember the desperation. I lost sight of 'us' too and wonder how much long term damage it's caused us... we don't talk quite like we used to.

We had all our tests done privately via our healthcare policy at a BMI hospital. We then went back onto the NHS with our results which were recognised and had ICSI treatment. All the private tests were done within 6 weeks so no messing around. So NHS to recognise private results.

@Foodie68 that’s really good to know, thanks!

@VenusStarr how are you feeling ahead of the weekend? Sending you lots of good vibes for your tests.

That's great thank you @Foodie68

I'm not too bad @Brambles7, thank you for asking. I think the conversation with dh shocked me to see how insular I was being. I'm trying to make a conscious effort to look out and not get too bogged down. I think dh is worried in case his test shows something and he's worried about how ill cope with it.

Thank you too @physicskate, I hope you can reconnect.

@VenusStarr I’m glad your conversation with dh was helpful to you both in realising that you needed to change things a little. We all have our own different ways of coping sometimes in a good way and sometimes not, so it’s about finding what’s good for you.
Everything crossed that tests are okay today, it doesn’t need to be perfect. It just takes one good sperm to meet your egg.

I had to give up with the NHS - 3 years in and I was no closer to getting IVF so had to go private as I have low egg reserve (took 2 years to find that out!) which means I needed to start sooner rather than later. In hindsight I wish I had been more persistent with my GP who kept fobbing me off so my advice is be persistent! Best of luck to you xx