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5 years unexplained infertility and giving up hope....

57 replies

nohassalls · 09/10/2013 22:01

Hello. I'm new here and just wonder if anyone else is or has got to the point of feeling that it's hopeless. I'm 34, DH is 38 ( and beside himself, desperate for kids). Been trying for 4.5 years, clomid-didn't work, IVF with ISCI didn't work, all went swimmingly, put back a hatching 5day blasto, the embryologist was winking at me and saying we're lucky this is best case scenario, and then nothing. BFN. Hmm We have 3 frozen eggs, of which 2 cycles of FET have been cancelled as my normally settled cycle misbehaved. Should finally have our FET in a few weeks, but I just feel like it's not going to work. We have a funded IVF coming up soon, but again, it just feels pointless. I've never seen a BFP in my life, there's nothing wrong with us. Humph. Reading success stories on here doesn't even cheer me up, I'm just envious that these couples have been lucky but have no feeling that will ever be me. Has anyone all but given up? Sorry - proper moan-a-thon!

OP posts:

HesterShaw · 16/10/2013 18:38

Yes, it's a case of "Now then, how quickly can we get this done?"

Though we haven't been properly trying for a few months as we don't feel there's any point and we know ivf is coming up. The clinic would doubtless advice us to continue to "make love" three times a week, and to relax Hmm


rabbitonthemoon · 16/10/2013 21:13

Hello hello. Hester and bugs without meaning to sound creepy I do lurk on the besh thread so feel like I kind of know you. I live on the ten plus thread. Maybe you lurk too or maybe I can just feel like a dick for being a lurker. I never felt cool enough to be a besh!

Anyway, every post today has meant quite a lot to me as I understand entirely how all this feels. I'm three years in, everyone else got pregnant and all I got was a sucky box of ampoules of fertility drugs harvested from the wee of post menopausal ladies. And I get to go to my third wedding anniversary trip away tee total and with a big fat yellow and purple sharps bin in my luggage. Ha ha - I have to find the hilarity, it kind if keeps me going.

Seriously though I really am comforted to know that there are people out there that get it, every bit of it - even though no one should have to drag themselves through the murky soup of infertility. It all hurts, it all feels hopeless but I think they are essential ingredients to the long term ttc ride - negativity does not exclude us from the potential of success. I am SURE that most women who tried for more than 6 months didn't feel worried that it might not happen.

Have no idea where I'm going with this now. All I know is that at the three year mark I feel lonely, hopeless and scared. And quite unique in my own social circle, like a rarity in a zoo. I cried when I heard that panda had a miscarriage.


rabbitonthemoon · 16/10/2013 21:16

I meant did feel worried. Oh dear. It is my 33rd cycle of ttc. I have hardly any eggs left. What part of my brain rustles up the thought that this could be the month? I need that brain bit in other walks of life.


HesterShaw · 16/10/2013 22:24

Lord, I've not even been on the BESH fred in months :o


seamermaid · 17/10/2013 11:39

Hello all. I look through the infertility threads which I feel is where I belong (rather than one of the conception threads).
Hi Rabbit! Hi Euro.
After trying for 4 + years I feel tired and exhausted. I haven't even got to ivf yet. Reading some of your posts really resonated.
I have never seen a BFP ever in any of the tests I have done. I don't feel I have ever even come close.
I try to be positive and but it's getting hard to believe that it can happen.


MyNameisBuggerlugsAndIAmABESH · 17/10/2013 14:53

Rabbit I'm quite touched that you stalklurk the BESH.Its not been an easy time for us lately and I feel like I don't really belong there as I'm one of the old timers and have seen almost everyone come and go and some are now on baby number 2!!! Sad

I had accupuncture last night and my needles woman is lovely. I told her how I was feeling and she had a reassuring word with me and basically told me not to be defeated.


anroga · 18/10/2013 15:32

Hi girls

Seamermaid I feel the same as you after just 3 years of TTC (unexplained infertility), IVF is our next step. I am the same as you in that I have always tried to remain positive but am starting to now find that very hard, just feel like it is never going to happen.

I am fed up of being surrounded by friends/family that either have just had a baby, are pregnant with their 2nd, 3rd etc, just got married and just like clockwork got pregnant within a year of being married! You try not to be envious and be so happy for them when really sometimes you feel like shouting THIS IS NOT FAIR!

We have decided to have a break until the New Year and then we will make a plan for IVF (we have to fund it ourselves as my fiance has two kids already). My heart is even starting to sink about that though after reading posts that you need 3 cycles, we could never afford that at £5K a time.

Sorry for wittering on its just so nice to share with people who understand :) x


seamermaid · 22/10/2013 16:48

Anroga - sorry to hear you are going through the same. Did you managed to get some tests at least via your GP. It's a shame that the nhs won't cover ivf for those whose partner already have children. It is difficult.
I believe nhs hospitals that offer ivf privately are cheaper than private clinics. Maybe it's worth looking into? It is true that they say you should plan for 3 rounds but if you manage to get a few embies you might get some to freeze and that could be cheaper as FET is a bit cheaper I believe. Good luck!
I hear you on friends who are all pregnant. On the whole I am v happy for friends but it does get difficult to handle when you have been trying for much longer and good friends around you are getting pregnant as soon as they get married. It's not their fault and I do tell myself it's not a zero sum game but when we are dealing with frustration month after month it gets old quickly.


TheBuggerlugsThatActuallyPosts · 31/10/2013 19:21

Thought id check back in and see how everyone is?
I'm dwelling and having a 'dark' day today.


ColouringInQueen · 31/10/2013 19:29

Hi there,
so sorry you're in this position - so hard I know. My dh and I struggled with unexplained infertility for 2.5 years. Didn't get to the ivf stage as we were early thirties.

After 3 years I did fall pregnant... and I think a combination of the following helped (sorry if you've done all this already)

  1. this book which talks about getting your body as healthy as possible for conception and having some essential nutrients that are vital for your fertility.

2. Contacted a charity called Foresight who provided tailored nutritional supplementation designed to aid fertility. Had hair analysed and a custom made scheme put together. Also had to avoid alcohol, caffeine, white sugar, white flour and eat organic as much as possible. Pretty hard core, but their stats are good, and also following this prog ivf success rates were 1 in 2.

3. I also had reflexology aimed at fertility.

All of these three, plus the Foresight stuff which also helped us feel that we were doing something constructive, did the trick. It took 9 months on the same programme to fall pregnant second time. Now have two special dcs.

Foresight still going

Wishing you all the best.

nohassalls · 31/10/2013 19:45

Think I'm on the brink of some dark days myself. I'm on 10 dpt after the natural FET I mentioned at the start of this thread, and things arn't looking great. Surprise. Weirdly I feel nothing as I suppose that's how low my level if hope is. I'm not even sure I'll feel upset.... Just another level more removed from feeling I'll ever see a BFP. Boooooo. Jeeze megawinge today! Sorry you asked Buggerlugs?

OP posts:

TheBuggerlugsThatActuallyPosts · 31/10/2013 19:47

hassels - sorry its not going well. What makes you think it isn't?


nohassalls · 01/11/2013 10:06

Just none of the typical symptoms, seems like AF started the other day though it has disappeared again, I imagine not for long tho. Just feeling typical PMT vibes...

OP posts:

nohassalls · 01/11/2013 10:06

... And are you having a less dark day today?

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TheBuggerlugsThatActuallyPosts · 01/11/2013 10:45

I was.... until someone posted a birth annoncement on fb .

When are you due to test? I know its so so easy for me to say but try to fight the negative thoughts. That embryo needs you rooting for it. It needs you in its corner / on its side as you're all that it has. Thanks


nohassalls · 01/11/2013 11:13

Thanks and you're right. I'll make myself a decaf Hmm coffee and try to cheer the heck up! FB can be the enemy... today someone literally put up a picture up of a bun in an oven. Hope the darkness goes away soon for us both/all ...

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TheBuggerlugsThatActuallyPosts · 01/11/2013 11:54

Me too. I will feel more positive when I know my injecting timetable next week. I currently feel in limbo land.


nohassalls · 01/11/2013 12:35

Yes once dates are in place it helps to focus on something. I assume I'll be doing our funded ivf in a month or so, hopefully ASAP. At least some of us might be doing it around the same time....

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TheBuggerlugsThatActuallyPosts · 06/11/2013 19:03

Hey Hassals how are u feeling? Any closer to finding out your cycle schedule? Our appointment is tomorrow and we'll probably pick all the drugs up. I can help feeling like its pointless - having children happens to other people, not me.


livingzuid · 09/11/2013 20:30

Ladies my heart goes out to you we were ttc for two and a half years with bog all. Then a mc at six weeks that broke my heart. My problem turned out to be a severely underactive thyroid. Pregnant now and shitting myself as I am high risk but there is hope I was nearly a lost cause. As well as getting my thyroid medication and my tsh stabilised under 2 I was desperate and tried out Maria Peer's book. She tends to self peddle and product promote but the concept of positive thinking I found very powerful even in my most I don't care any more moments of which there were a lot!

I refused for months to look at fb filled with literally everyone having babies! My best friend sent me a whatsapp to let me know about her second she was so worried to tell me. Please hang on in there you are all so wonderfully brave. It can and does happen :) I wish you all the very best.


nohassalls · 10/11/2013 08:23

Hey Buggerlugs. I wrote a reply and posted it but it's never showed up. I had written to say that I'm feeling very shocked and apprehensive to write that the FET worked and after 5 YEARS we got our first ever BFP. Just can't believe it, I was the one who began this thread at the very end if my tether. Very early days of course, so naturally we're being very cautious with excitement levels, basically just entered a brand new world of nerves that many of you must know so well. How was your appointment? Did you get your meds? How are you feeling?

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RandomMess · 10/11/2013 08:30

Close friends had unexplained infertility and various IVF type treatments - finally conceived naturally after 10 years, it then took 5 years to again conceive naturally. It can happen after all those years of heartbreak and going down the adoption route.

Big hugs to you all, life is unfair x


TheBuggerlugsThatActuallyPosts · 10/11/2013 08:42

Nohassals that's truly wonderful news - congratulations Thanks

I'll give you some advice someone once gave me - try to stay in the moment, the here &'now. Don't look to tomorrow or yesterday but focus on the today. Today you are pregnant. The advice won't change whether the embie will stick or not but it will help you stay in control and stay sane. Thanks


TheBuggerlugsThatActuallyPosts · 10/11/2013 08:44

Aa for me - I start injecting on cd21 of my next cycle (xmas day!!!) Still hoping for a natural pregnancy so between now and my next period we'll give it all we can before we have to use protection!


nohassalls · 10/11/2013 09:58

Ohhhhh hopefully a Christmas miracle Smile good luck in the meantime with the natural efforts! We read an amazing story about a couple yesterday in the news who on 2nd IVF had triplets, but the twins we're completely natural as they'd left 2 eggs behind on egg collection, and the third was the embie?! So all sorts if stand things can happen when you least expect it. Thanks for your advice, I am certainly taking comfort in the fact we've finally got to this stage. I just never thought I'd see a BFP so that's a start and at least we know it's possible at last. Are you excited? How do you feel during all the injections etc?

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