Daughter wins £127k claim for caring for mum at home

[SerendipityJane]

Interesting ...

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cr93zp78g580o

It’s one for the family that are throwing their sister out so they can get their inheritance…I might have to share 🤣

The executor of Sheila's estate is Bern's brother, Andrew Wills. In a statement on behalf of the estate, he said: "The only agreements that we (her siblings) were aware of was for my mother to give Bernadette £50 per week 'keep' and to ensure that Bernadette was not to be out of pocket.

What the fuck. Cheeky bastards.

They really are cheeky bastard's

Awful siblings. Brother is a massive C.

So much heart ache and stress could have been saved by putting this all in the will! I guess she couldn't have imagined the other kids would challenge it. So sad all round!

Good for her. Some shitty family members she has there.

I’ve just read this.
Assuming Shiela received full attendance allowance for the 121 weeks, her daughter should have received all of that - approx £14k.
She should also have received costs for her living there, to cover food, washing, heating, light, etc. £200ish a week would be £25k.
Other than that, it’s a choice to have a parent live with you and I don’t think she should have expected more money than that.

The part I find strange is that she didn’t take it weekly or monthly while her mum was alive, which is the normal thing to do. Taking it after her mum died was fraud, as you can’t use an account once someone has died, but also seems immoral as her mum wasn’t there to agree it that point.

The courts disagreed.

But they’ll all be here soon to say why it isn’t fair…most likely because they have siblings doing the care and they don’t want to feel as though they take advantage of them

My DSis lives at home with Mum and does the bulk of her care. Any money left over when Mum passes will go straight to my DSis (it won’t be much). As is absolutely the right thing to do.

I fully support Bern Rogers and think that her siblings are a disgrace. But this is a timely reminder that having these wishes and instructions in writing are really important.

Good for her. The award is much less than full time carers or a nursing home would have cost.

And as a former carer myself, the cost to the carer is not always financial. The carer can lose their own health and well being. No price on that.

About time the invaluable role family carers play in a lot of peoples' lives is recognised. I do realise that sometimes it is done to avoid NH and private carer cost, but mostly it comes from a good heart.

How terribly GENEROUS of the brother to offer £50 a week 😂😑🤡

I have worked as a Community Nurse for more than 30 years. The toll on caring for somebody is usually far greater than it is for the person needing the care. It is 24/7 come rain or shine. It is rare that I see multiple siblings getting involved it usually lands on one or two. Care agencies don't care as long as you are seen to be coping you get very little support unless you can pay for it.

That said I did meet a patient that had 5 children - boy they were amazing, they had a rota for a week each at their Mums house a family whatsapp & all cared so much. See how I remember it as the exception not the rule.

Legally and morally are different things though. Yes I do think she should get a much larger percentage of the inheritance than her siblings. No, I don't think she should've just helped herself to £100k from her mothers account. The amount should have been discussed and agreed between the siblings and been taken out of the mothers estate once it had all went through the proper channels.

£50 a week is less than carers allowance, and I am assuming that Bern was over the age you can claim that anyway.

They seem to have forgotten how much it would have cost if she had had been in a care home, and that this allowed them to have any kind of estate to claim from.

The attendance allowance and pension likely went into her bank account and added to the estate, as she probably wasnt out spending money.

I think that maybe people need to have these discussions in future and balance the costs / savings compared to care homes, and to claims/ recompense from the estate. Given this precedence it perhaps might stop some of the entitlement/avoidance/ guilt/ resentment.

It’s the taking the money after her mum died that was the problem - I was the executor for a relative I also cared for ( although nothing on this level) and she owed me over £300 for shopping when she died, and I didn’t dare take it out of her bank account after she died as that is very dodgy. To take £100k is very extreme. She wasn’t an executor and her brother as executor did do the right thing reporting it but clearly there’s more to it than this as the courts found in her favour. Be interesting to see what the outcome of any appeal is.

Live in 24 hour care costs about 2k per week where i live. I am 💯 on her side

I agree that it was very unwise of the daughter to proceed as she did, but, having been in a situation where I was caring for someone, I know the daughter might not have felt she could take any money while her mother was still alive. If she became unable to care for the mother, a very considerable amount of money would be required if the mother were to have 24 hour care at home. More, in fact, than the 127K the daughter received for the period in question.
It all shows the importance of sorting these things out beforehand - but that is easier said than done.

This will lead to so many similar cases going to court.

an average residential care for dementia is about £70K a year. If they need nursing care too - and they mention complicated medical need - then thats around £85K

so 2 1/2 years of care could have been roughly 200K

Its likely the money has come from cash and from property. If she had that kind of cash in her bank account then Im guessing they didnt need to sell the property to take it, and that is still there. It seems the mum moved in with them, so its not clear what happened to any property. Maybe the cash was all she had? There is an argument that they could have rented her house out for that period to offset some of the costs, but given she was giving 24 hour care, its unlikely she would have had the time to do that too.

It seems to very much demonstrate that Bern did everything and the rest havent been involved until its time for divvying up the proceeds.

Part of my job is visiting care homes and I witness the every day hard work that carers provide. To dedicate yourself to looking after your mother within your home during her final years is just incredible. She deserves every penny.

My mother is starting to show signs of dementia and so far, I’ve been the one to pick up everything for her. I also manage her finances. I work full time - I’ve had countless times I’ve had to drop everything to sort mum out. Whereas my sister who has never worked does nothing at all. I’ve no doubt that when the time comes I’ll have a similar situation.

it’s a choice to have a parent live with you

Yes, but many people will do it out of a sense of family loyalty/duty and not because it'll be a barrel of laughs doing so.

She absolutely deserves it but it should have been paid to her weekly or monthly rather than a lump sum at the end.

I notice the way he keeps saying 'the estate', as though it were some kind of neutral goodwill organisation - when what he really means is himself and the other siblings, who weren't bothered about looking after their Mum, but are bothered about getting their hands on her money... money that would already have been more than swallowed up by a care home, had Bern and her DH not stepped up and accepted a big restriction on their own lives and freedoms in order to make her DM's remaining years as pleasant for her as they could, according to her own expressed wishes.

Also, £50 a week 'keep' is what you ask from your young adult kids when they've just started earning, as a token contribution and to help them on their way to learning about independence in the adult world. Housing and caring 24/7 for an elderly person who is suffering with dementia could not be more different from that.

Complete bunch of CFs - at least their DM was lucky enough to have 1 DC out of 6 who did care about (and for) her.