Mother loses fight to keep baby secret from her husband

[melpomene]

A sad story

What do people think about this? Does the father have the right to know that the baby exists and be involved in the adoption process?

The father should be told.

I agree with the Judge. However if as the wife says, the father is traumatised from what has happened in his home country, I hope this highlights his need for help/therapy/counselling and that he is able to get it.

I find that secrets always have a way of being found out, and they can cause much anguish.

the father should be told

absolutely agree....of course the father should be told and to consent to the adoption

I cant help thinking that the mother is suffering some sort of trauma to even attempt this

I can´t figure why she thinks he couldn´t cope with knowing tbh.

And does she also need help-to be thinking of giving up her child?

I'm not sure why nick mostyn was going on about how the female family members would live in a web of deceit etc etc - surely that is irrelevant to the basic point that the child is equally his father's in the context of a married relationship, he has done nothing wrong, and it would be unjust to forcibly remove those rights without his consent?

Of course I haven't read the judgment yet so the telegraph may be quoting out of context.

Poor man. Poor wife as well to be so confused.

Either there's more to the father's behaviour than she's revealed in court (violence, abuse) or the mother has huge issues of her own to want to give up her baby so badly.
It sounds like the other women in the family are supporting her, I wonder why his own mother and sisters agree if shouldn't know about the child?

It seems very odd that the baby was obviously born at least 6 months ago and still the father hasnt been told. I dont understand why SW would not have considered whether the baby could be placed with the father rather than going into care. It may be that that wouldnt not have been suitable, but how can hey have assessed this?

Wow. Don't like the judge's comment that the wife's belief about damage to her husband is 'pure supposition' - the judge doesn't know the guy and has never met him.

But of course he has a right to know. Tragic case though. Poor family. Sounds as if they are all traumatised and heartbroken. That point about him hearing the voices of dead family members calling for help is chilling.

The thing that immediately leaps to mind is that this isn't his child - and that's why she doesn't want it known. How awful - and what on earth will happen to the baby now? Can't be adopted without both parent's consent.

Maybe the mother has strong reasons to believe that the baby would be harmed by being brought up in such a damaged family, who have been through such terrible experiences? It must be very extreme for her to want to give up her baby and to hide his or her existence from the male relatives - especially given Afghanis are so family-orientated.

Possibly the father could well be violent, as a result of the unimaginable horrors he has experienced. But the mother is unable to leave him, either because she loves him or because that is just not done in her culture.

I agree with Northernlurjer, I don't think the child can be his - possibly she was raped which carries some sort of shame in her culture and she doesn't want this revealed. Sad story.

Yes I think rape is a strong possibility.

Edam - Presumably the wife didn't explain adequately why she thought her husband would be damaged by finding out about the baby. If she had given a good enough reason the outcome might have been different.

It is pure supposition. Of course the woman knows her own husband but never having been in this extreme situation before who can know how he will react and what effect it might have one him? If his mental health is that bad I doubt anybody could accurately predict his reaction.

Horrible case but I think the judges made the right call. I might have thought differently if the mother had felt there was a risk to the child of staying with the father or they were separated but isn't what is being said in the report.

How sad. Yes the father should certainly have been told, but I would bet £££ that the woman feared violence from him to her or the baby if he found out. Possibly she was protecting the child from him by giving it up, or possibly the baby wasn't his and she was protecting herself, or possibly it was his but he's just violent and unstable in general. Who can tell. The only thing I'm sure of is that that woman is probably in danger :(

Of course the father should know and probably can bring it up perfectly well on his own or with his family.

Personaly i dont think the baby is his , because why not just have an abortion it seems a awuful lot of trouble to go to.

Why would you just say your sick and we are in no postion to have a child end of

And to be honest their is no way ss could give a child up for adoption with out ruling both parents out,

Wouldnt it be sad if he left her brang the baby up on his own

And to be honest the mum is a bit awful if and i say if her oh was voilent she would rather give up her child than leave her oh WTF

If i was pregnant and felt my was a dangerbto my child he would have to move out the answer is not putting the child up for adoption like i said i very much doubt the child was

I think the father has a right to know about the existence of his son as he is as much his as he is hers. He deserves the right to participate in the adoption process.

My interpretation of this sad story is that the mother fears that her dh will harm the baby. He is clearly very unwell and mentally unstable soothe risk may be in that.

maypole... in our society that might be true but afghani culture is very differnt to ours and it's not as simple for a woman to leave. Lord only knows what abuse she's having to endure which the man's family may be complicit in. this article is interesting reading on the subject, if harrowing

I agree Mollie. Her husband will harm the baby and she knows this.

I didnt think it was in their culture to hand over your baby for some else to raise.

Not being funny bupt like i siad she was happy enough to go all trough this lie and try and rope in ss knowing they would probaly out her if she was that scared it WOULD of casued far lest. Trouble if she had just gone for a termanation know one would of know apart from her but instead she involved the whole female side of her family and ss and even if ss did agree it could of sliped at any time

More likey its not his baby thats why the family went to grate lengths to keep it quite

Sometimes judges can be relied upon to listen to all the evidence and reports (which we can only speculate about), weigh them up and come to the right decision.

But telling the husband might well put the baby's life in danger, especially as it probably isn't his.

Tough decision for the judge. Tragic story for the child.

There are existing procedures for protecting children when it is felt that a parent might present a risk to the child. They dont usually involve pretending that the child doesnt exist.