HELP how can we make this work !

[Simplelife78]

I live in a small 3 bed house. Currently living here are 3 adults and a 5mth old baby (dd1s baby).
My partner is also moving in soon as it makes sense financially and we can’t move to his.

Upstairs me and partner have biggest room, ds, middle room and dd1 and dad have smallest room. Changing rooms around isn’t an option for many reasons. The rooms themselves work ok but the landing and bathroom seem to be a dumping ground for dirty or clean washing, items no one wants or can find space for and general clutter.

Downstairs, there’s a living room and kitchen/dinner although dining part is just a small breakfast bar.
living room has dgd travel cot in. This is needed due to dickhead dog who has no off switch. It also houses, baby swing, high chair sometimes, 2 large sofas, a bookcase and tv unit. There is a small understairs cupboard that stores ‘stuff.

Kitchen has plenty of cupboards but the breakfast bar tends to be used as the washing sorting station and the downstairs loo for anything without a home.

We are bursting at the seams, and dd1 and dgd will be here for the forseeable as she’s not a priority on housing list.

Cant do anything structural as it’s a housing association property.

Any genius ideas for storage or organisation greatly received.

Should add, partner isn’t really bringing anything but clothes.

Fgs it should say dd1 and dgd have smallest room

Difficult to help when you won’t move the rooms round. Would make more sense for DD1 & DGD to have the middle room so more of Baby’s things could be in their room. Otherwise it’s being more strict. No laundry dumped on the landing, either dirty or clean. She has to get into a routine of doing a load, drying it and putting it straight away. Keeping the number of outfits used to a minimum etc. keeping surfaces clear in the kitchen so nothing left on the breakfast bar so you have a place to eat that isn’t cluttered.

Why can't DD and baby have the mid size room and your son the smallest?

I mean it doesn't seem as if there's space for DP to move in. But anyway

• laundry baskets in bedrooms (even if they are small a thin laundry basket works)
• have a "clean laundry" basket or baskets so that clean laundry is not piled up but put in individual rooms in a small basket for putting away. This then is used to carry the dirty clothes to go down
• do you have a loft? If not then you need to declutter and then operate a more minimal "just in time" policy so no box of Who gives a crap 50 loo rolls. Buy what you need for the week/2 weeks
• do you want/love the books in the bookcase? Assuming no, replace.books with storage boxes for toys etc
• be ruthless with kitchen stuff. So many gadgets and crockery is used like once a year. Get rid and then maximise use of those cupboards to get everything off the counter. Same with food. If you havent use the tin/packet in the last 6/12 months then get rid.

There’s a big back story to dd1. She treated myself and her siblings terribly in recent years and moved out.
Ds then got the middle room and he collects and displays memorabilia.
Due to her past actions, dd1 wouldn’t be living here at all if she hadn’t got pregnant and then not paid her rent. Obviously she’s my dd and I love her, and I adore dg1, but dd is lucky she living here at all tbh.

In short I’m not prepared to shove ds back in the small room just because dd1 has caused chaos again.

Should also add that we are renting a small lock up for overflow furniture that we can’t use at the mo but will use once dd1 moves out. This also will have a lot of dps stuff in.

@Whyherewego thank you for those suggestions.
The loft definitely needs a good clear out yes, so that’s gonna e done asap.

Ive recently gone through the kitchen stuff and got rid of lots of stuff.

We’re in the process of putting better storage in the hall, although that’s mainly taken up by the pram anyway.

i think the individual wash baskets is going to have to happen as one big one isn’t working.

if you evict her would the council house her quicker ?

@socialbatteryisdead she’d be moved to temp accommodation which would likely be in an awful part of the city and could be a shared house etc.

We looked into so many different avenues but just get to dead ends. YMCA were going to help her before she gave birth but then they realised she was over 25, so all they could offer was somewhere that even they said was not at all suitable for a baby.
She was also involved with a supported housing unit whilst pregnant. They were meant to find her somewhere for her and the baby but didn’t and we ended up finding out that they were pretty dodgy.

Tried the private renting route loads of times but she has bad credit and also would be in receipt of benefits so they’re not interested.

Shes on the list with the association that I rent from and the city council but isn’t a priority, which I do understand but doesn’t help either of us.

Take in your hen...

Does DD have a car? Store the pram in there.

Get an umbrella fold as soon as baby is old enough.

I don't think my suggestion is going to go down well....
Is now really the right time for your partner to move in?

If they didnt move in, you in the smallest room and DD & DGD in the master. Leaves DS where he is. Or you and partner in smallest room.

Definitely need a big clear out, and a rethink on the laundry.

She’s over 25? Depending on where you live she may never get a council house, or could be waiting many years. She’d be better off her and her partner both getting full time jobs, use the funded childcare hours and start saving heavily for a house together. They had a baby together, they need to take responsibility and give their baby a good future.

Keep the pram in the car. Get it out when you need it.

X

@holachicatita ?

Time for dd to start saving for her house. Doesn't need to wait for council get a job, childcare etc sorted so she has a plan for future. Any way you & partner can pool wages and move?

Dp is actually a huge help to me at the mo. This whole thing has not been easy. Me and ds had a horrible few years due to various things and he didn’t want dd to move back in due to the history. He is also a great help to ds who’s father isn’t interested in him.

Dd1 has mental health issues and whilst I recognise and fully understand this, she isn’t actually a nice person at times and her choices end up affecting everyone. Dgd dad isn’t involved, his choice and isn’t a good person anyway.

As I said before, I love dd1 but she’s not an easy person to live with and we are doing the best we can without having to completely rearrange the household cos of dds actions.

Shes in a warm, loving home, has everything g she needs for her and dgd, just in a small room which btw has been completely furnished and sorted by me for them both.

I totally agree that dd needs to take responsibility for her actions but at the mo being a parent to her dd is about all she can manage.

@Jinglejinglejingle7 we wouldn’t be able to move for a very long time. We have no savings or deposit at the mo. Savings will be a priority once he moves in.

Im afraid that this isn’t as black and white as ‘move’ or ‘dd get a job’ and whilst I appreciate the comments this isn’t what I was asking about.

@Bananacrepewithnuts we do do that as much as possible

Surely she is a priority with a small baby?
I really would do all you can to get her moved out and somewhere safe.

Alternatively - and less good for you and DS/DP, could the HA move you to a bigger property? You are already with them, somebody must be wanting to downsize.

Is DD a good / reasonable mother?
Is she aware that she is a massive abusive pain in everyone’s arses.
Will you be able to evict her when this inevitably turns to shit again?
Would you ever be prepared to evict her and keep care of DGS? Would she agree to that.

Just wanted to jump on and say how lovely that you are giving your daughter and grandchild a home and looking after everyone. It sounds as though you are doing what you can and it won’t last forever.

she hasn’t got a partner.

@Simplelife78in my area the council help with deposits and act as guarantor with some private landlords. Does your council have any schemes like that?