This New Year, The Fledglings are Flying a new approach

[HillsBesideTheSea]

Hello and welcome to new and old.

If you are new around here. Hi, introduce yourself around the fire pit in the naughty corner where we are all sitting comfortably. The naughty corner is decked out with comfy, and snacks, and a place just to have a chat when things haven't gone to plan. We are a very long running thread but do love new blood stopping by to join us.

Welcome to those who are returning.

We had a chat on the previous thread about possibly trying a new twist on the fly lady system. We all know that the fly lady system is good for establishing routines when we follow it. But we also know that sometimes we need a quick hit of a big declutter. And that life has a habit of throwing curve balls making it very difficult to stay on track.

So this is the plan. Each evening I will post the babystep, a thought point and the flylady daily focuses. We are not giving up on the fly lady system but just bringing it into line with the individuality of our lives, and trying to resolve some of the issues that comes from being the family brain, trying to do all the things and generally having modern busy lives. The thought point is to try to get you to think differently. And may require a click on a link (video), a discussion on the thread, or just you considering things. I do not promise it will make you feel better, or magically change your house straight away. But hopefully it will help with the overall flow and approach. And may just tweak the twee out of the fly lady system to the point where it is now your system.

But before you entirely regret your choices in letting my try this craziness we are going to start with some key basics that I really do think has been incorporated well into the Flylady system.

1. the mess, disorder and chaos did not happen over night. Give yourself the grace and time to fix it. (also known as roman weren't built in a day so don't kill yourself trying to get your house immaculate in a day)

1. Goals vs system.

We will go into this a little more shortly but to start, the fly lady system has an end goal - a house which is tidy and clean that comes second nature. It achieves it by building habits and routines that make the steps needed to achieve that goal second nature. There is a lot of research that says goals don't work, systems do. And systems are built on the formation of habits.

1. You are never behind.

You might not be making the progress you would like, you may have taken a break. But you are not behind. So again, give yourself a break and drop the guilt. There is probably a reason why you have taken a break - illness, other demands on time, mental health etc etc. And yes some days it is an effort to make sure that everyone is fed and ok. But that is ok, so give yourself grace that on that day that was exactly what was needed and thus you succeeded in the essential goal of the day. guilt is just going to make things harder than it needs to be. It is ok not to feel guilty if you did not do all the things.

I will be back later with links for tomo. I am posting them in the evening the night before because some of us are morning people, and some of us are night people. And this way everyone will be able to see prior to when they need to consider it.

Come park your broom in the new thread for a little while and have a natter whilst we wait to bring in the New year.

DD back to school, had to do and report LFTs last night and this morning before going in. DS has to do them tonight before hockey and tomorrow morning before back to school, his school are doing the lower years on site but not the 6th form.

I think you jest there Hills 😁 Every time I see a minor thing that needs doing I think of anti procrastination day. Current things are ds jab (2), the crack in the plaster near hall radiator, painting touchup on new doors where carpenter planed them to fit. Won't get the last ones done today but will book jab.

Honestly if i have to chose between family fun day or anti-procrastination day? I am going to take anti-procrastination day. Every. single. time.

I am aware this says a lot about how i feel about the people.

Morning all! Much to do today, currently anti-procrastinating by sitting in a telephone queue for the GP to try to get an appointment with the asthma nurse. It is totally out of control and I am using my blue puffer multiple times a day, just to change between air temperatures. I have been in the queue for 30 minutes and ten seconds now, and am only number 7 in the queue.

I have had a message from @DancingToMusic overnight - she has been having tech issues and misses us very much and hopes to be back on soon if she can persuade her phone to do any of the things it's meant to. I have sent out love and positive tech-fixing thoughts.

Ta da:
💖 Up, washed, dressed and facing the day before breakfast or !
🧡 No laundry waiting. Slightly concerned about this!

To do:
⛄ Make this damn doctor's appointment
❄ Do this week's diary set up
⛄ Phone call at ten
❄ Actual client appointment for a House History at 11
⛄ Take DS3 to tennis and hope he doesn't freeze solid
❄ What on earth is for dinner, actually?

DD has gone back to school, used our last LFT last night which failed totally. She's being a) tested at school and b) given a box to bring home, but I have to find some more locally or we are going to have a problem. The Wednesday market in the next town over was handing out boxes a couple of weeks ago, I might try there.

🍒👋 to everyone and good luck with Back To School shenanigans. I am so pleased DS1 and 2 are out of that now, sending 4 back was always a nightmare. Merry, did I see you had a full nest for a couple of weeks? How lovely.

I am procrastinating on anti-procrastination day - so much for NY resolutions...

Habits are built up, and do not occur overnight magicall BeanAnTae

damit it, hit post too soon.

You have not failed, it is just a work in progress!

Morning all

Ta Da
Downloaded the Flylady app - loving it
Remembered to order a new pair of oven gloves
checked online shop for tomorrow
Washing on - did a clothes hunt in Ds's room and Dd did her room. 0 to 3 washes in minutes

To Do
Wash up and shine sink
clean out fridge before shop tomorrow
Hoover the stairs - won't admit when I last did it
Go to work
Remember to collect Ds from school later because he's going to the first science revision session to catch up on what he missed when ill - has a test tomorrow. Unfortunately we're not 100% sure what time it finishes!

Back later with more chat.

Morning all.

I hope Dancing can make it back here sometime, definitely missed on the threads! 💐

Loving people’s words of the year.

Interesting thought point. I listened to another chapter of atomic habits just now and it was all about identity. How often we build habits from a results perspective - ie do X because we want to achieve Y - when it’s better to go from an identity perspective - ie do X because we believe Z, we are the type of person who does Z. So motivation becomes intrinsic.

I guess a relevant example would be trying to change habits of regular decluttering because you want a tidy front room, rather than building the habit because you want to have the identity of someone who looks after their environment and makes efficient decisions. And that fits nicely with one of the thread’s earlier talking points - systems not goals! 💜

I think also though, since starting the ADHD meds I’ve found it easier to be motivated because I now have a better grasp of cause and effect. The links become clearer that if I don’t do something I will regret it tomorrow. Whereas unmedicated my now/not now thinking (that is so true hills :o) just didn’t grasp that concept at all so I had no motivation for it.

Anyway. Feeling like shit this morning and haven’t got up yet. I am very aware of my skeleton and certain muscles. They are asserting their presence.

However! I still brushed my teeth when I dragged my sorry self to the loo, and I still listened to aforementioned chapter when I got back into bed, rather than going on my phone. I will still have a very quick shower before getting dressed.

After that, will make sure the girls have tidied up the bedding and have their stuff ready (sleepover).

Wassailing I managed to order some LFTs online yesterday and they are due to arrive this afternoon. It kept saying there were none but I tried a few times until I succeeded. It may have been around 8 or 9am I had success so worth a try then in the morning perhaps if you don’t find any today.

My trick for when motivation is lacking but I really need to get shit done is to force myself to do 5 minutes. I set a timer and start, and if at the end of the 5 minutes I’m still not feeling it I’m allowed to stop. I’ll still have made a little bit of progress even if I stop, however I don’t think I’ve ever actually stopped when the timer goes - it’s the act of getting started that’s the hard part and 5 minutes in you’re over that hurdle. I used to find this particularly useful for admin type tasks and assignments at uni, but it also helps when the housework seems overwhelming or I’m procrastinating over something at work.

I tried to set up my routines on the Flylady app last night but for some reason it won’t add anything to the morning routine list. Anyone else had this? May just have to create a completely new one rather than trying to add to the existing one.

Ta Das this morning:
🙌🏻 Between DH and I got DD ready and to school on time
🙌🏻 breakfast and cup of tea
🙌🏻 erm… glanced out of the window to check DH had put the bin out when I heard the bin lorry reversing up the street (he had. for him)
🙌🏻 snoozed while DD2 naps

To do:
🖊 shower
🖊 order some bits for the house - curtain rail and curtains we still need after the decorating (we do have blinds up), a new mirror for the hall, a wall planner thing
🖊 make appointment to register DD2’s birth and wait in GP phone queue to register her there and make 6 week appointments. Hope it’s not as epic as Wassailing’s queue!
🖊 head out for first walk since my c section and first walk for DD2 to pick up DD1 from school. She’ll be very excited as she’s been dying to push the pram!

Hope all junior fledglings have good first days back at school and LFTs are negative for all.

Hope you feel less achy soon Sing.

Morning all!

Good luck with all the back to school prep everyone, especially if it involves swabs up nostrils! And good luck to the young 'uns themselves going back in these sub-optimal conditions.

So sorry! Cannot keep up with thread and I am going out for lunch/afternoon trip now with young visitor who is sadly going home tomorrow. I have really enjoyed having her company. Feel sorry for dd who is stuck in room revising for imminent exams but have left her supplied with a flask of tea , a flask of coffee, and a foil pack of bacon sandwiches, a bowl of satsumas, and a mince pie, which should keep her going until we get back.

Tips for motivation when CBA?
This is my specialist subject as I CBA most of the time!

• Habits and routines as recommended by the purple fairy ..once they become ingrained over time like my morning routine has ...they do not require conscious motivation ...they just ...flow

• For anything else ... I am terrible for visualising a job, imagining the steps it will take to finish it, imagining the pitfalls, imagining how hard it is going to be ...inagining how I will feel doing it ......so by the time I come to actually do it, I have put myself right off! So now when the first thought comes in to my mind, "oh I must clean the fridge" I just try and do it then and there without giving it too much thought or mental prep.

• Similarly, a series of tasks like tackling towering Mt. Washmore. Just start. Starting is the hardest for me. Once I am started I am usually OK. And a good tip before you pause to do next stage, end it at a good point, so you don't have a horrid bit to come back to.

• Break tasks up in to much smaller parts /"eat an elephant"

• Make it enjoyable by listening to podcasts as you go

• Timetable certain tasks on certain days

• Leave one day a week/one morning or afternoon just for you to do anything you like and ring fence it

• Buy a dog or three Seriously, having to go

outside for fresh air and a walk two to three times a day, come rain or shine, even when you are feeling ill, tired or a bit miserable, especially if you wfh, instills a certain discipline, makes you feel fitter and a bit brighter, builds trust & companionship with another (usually cheery) living being (or two) which I personally find very valuable and rewarding, and breaks up the day nicely in to slots which contrasts with being indoors cleaning, so you don't get bogged down indoors, and you have no choice but to be up early and go to bed fairly early! And you sleep better (apparently!).

• But my biggest CBA tip of all is DO NOT WAIT until you feel less tired, less CBA, to do something ...because imho you probably won't, you will just feel more tired/more CBA. My main tip is to fake it until you make it. Just start , even though it feels like hell, because ime, motivation and energy come from having done five mins of something ...and that five mins spurs you on for next five mins ...and so on. It is the actual DOING that provides the motivation, so do not wait for it to arrive, just get stuck in!

• last, the trick your brain trick! Always have an alternative task to hand! You know when the thing you have scheduled to do is the last thing you want to do ...I am terrible for this ...like when you need to study but tidy your bedroom instead? Well use that impulse! Identify an alternative, more appealing task and have it on hand, so that when you really, really CBA, you have at least done something!

Good luck everyone! We can do this!

Just wondering what your Vitamin D levels are like SC - just a thought as low levels make you tired, achy and CBA.

I am a big fan of 'Fake it til you make it'.

@BeanAnTae

Just wondering what your Vitamin D levels are like SC - just a thought as low levels make you tired, achy and CBA.

They are fine BeanAnTae Ta! Have had 'em checked! Sadly being post menopausal also makes you tired achy and CBA. My skin has suddenly gone quite dry and I had a lot of hair fall out recently (eek) so going to get thyroid checked too.

Wassail my bf has covid atm and very poorly with it, yet already thinking of when the earliest he can get back to work. I parroted your convalescing reminder to him thank you.

Red thank you for the stairs hack, I have a shark which is a lot better than my old Henry which didn't quite stretch to the top and he was a bulky old fellow, one wrong move and he'd clatter down stairs on top of me 😱

Hills 'wise enough to tiptoe around the house'

Motivation for me comes in prioritisation. During energy dips, I will assign myself one job that MUST be done (putting bins out, cleaning lunchboxes, shopping essentials etc) and I try to do more jobs I spot on along the way. I must say though that I don't suffer from low energy/high cba ness, as I find it hard to sit still, but I do have guilt over not playing with dc enough which comes to the same conclusion of not much housework actually getting done. I also am always listening to an audio book during cleaning/sorting, so the time seems to fly by.

Bean I'm also a 'fake it til you make it' fan
I've not found a word of the year yet, but that's been my slogan for years!

Hi everyone I'm not keeping up too well on here but loving the motivation chat I'm also trying to build habits, stay motivated etc!

Today I've managed a short HIIT work out on my coffee break (I'm working from home) and I've emptied the bins. I always put off emptying the bins so this is good!

Off to make a quick lunch now thinking it's a day for soup and a cheese toastie

Procrastinating in the bedroom.
Just came to make bed and decided I should drop in and catch up here.

So far
Let hens out, purple, thick, cosy dressing gown and wellies aren’t really a good look but no one was about. I had missed the school run. Whew!
Procrastinating on Face ache 😖 checking out the Everhot and Walk the Lakes that popped up. Some amazing photos of Lakes as person is above cloud level. Tea.
Emptied DW.
Emptied rest of drawer and wiped clean. I emptied most of it last night to get a good start. Need to reorganise it now.
Made breakfast, coffee and Weetabix. Trying to eat breakfast every day Weetabix or porridge to keep things moving.
Dressed.

Anti procrastination tips - I do like shelving it until Wednesday. I used to constantly waste time thinking about things I didn’t like doing. Mostly included phone calls to other people, filling out forms or sorting stuff on the internet that I don’t know how to do.
Now - I don’t give it head space until Tuesday night or Wednesday.

Jobs put off I try to save for a day then put the radio on at the beginning. Listening to someone else makes me forget I am doing it. Must give podcasts a try thanks for reminding me.

To Do
Line drawer with pudding paper I cut to size yesterday. Put things back in a more acceptable order. Declutter if need be.
Vacuum kitchen floor.
Wipe rest of dresser and side cupboard. Then it is completely finished. Will wipe top tomorrow when I take swag down.
Empty bins around house. DH never thinks to do this but put bins out. He does do kitchen one.

He says he will take me for PCR if I book it. I am aching today but might be activity from yesterday.

Dancing hope you are ok although imagine frustrated about phone. Could you go to a cafe🤔😀 just to check in or is it the phone not your internet. Anyway we are 😘 missing you.

Newbies- it takes a while to become a habit please don’t think you are failing and give up. Some of us have been here years and some much longer than me. I do find it works but we collectively don’t do a few of her ideas.
You need to tweak it to your lifestyle. I never ‘ put my face on’ as rarely wear make up nowadays. I have good skin though and try to remember to put some moisturiser on a few times a week at bedtime. Self care.

🍒👋🍒👋🍒👋🍒👋🍒👋🍒👋🍒👋 to those unable to join us but looking in.
I am having to log in every time at the moment anyone else having trouble?

For the newbies here 🍒👋 means cherry waves which was bestowed upon us by our very own SC many, many threads ago when she meant to write cheery waves! It kinda stuck.

Quick rant. Pissed off with DS!!! End of September got told about work experience and that he had to send off an email etc. Pick him up today, he's been told he needs to sort it by the 10th. Can't find email address for local branch so I will have to go in tomorrow to sort it out!!!

Tada!

-Ironed ds's uniform
-Back to school for ds and I
-Marked a set of assessments and did some planning on top of teaching
-Emails
-Tidied my cupboard and sorted out books
-Sorted resources for next day in
-Ordered takeaway
-Made last minute changes to tomorrow's grocery order

To do:
-Stuff myself with chinese takeaway when it comes
-Sort out animals and child
-Collapse and sleep

Tomorrow I must go to the chemist and pick up meds, do laundry, sort out returns of rejected gifts and some boots that don't fit right. Lots I should also do but think those are the musts.

That's very annoying shannaratiger - infuriating really 😡

Enjoy that takeaway - sometimes you just need something tasty!

Hope you got on ok fly with first day back in classroom
Shannara FFS.bloody kids!dd2 would 100%be like that

I had a much needed nap as I know dd2 will be orb iting the sun about returning to school tom and be a highly stressed bag nerves later and I'm no good to her tired and arsey

Tada
Bag up rubbish (dd put in bin,as per chore chart)
Make list stuff would like to get for the house we need,starting break down how that's going to happen
Do battle DWP over D's DLA now he's 16

Yes, it was fine thanks Zoo. Good luck with dd's return to school. Ds went back today and has come home and passed out on the sofa. Hoping I can tempt him awake with chinese takeaway otherwise he'll sleep till midnight then be up all night and knackered again tomorrow.

I'd say odds are in your favour if my experience teen boys anything to go by...smell of food and they are all over it🤣🤣🤣🤣

For once I am glad I am not returning to school!

Fly a take away is a good idea.

One job led to another. Most done and I have marzipaned two cakes. I thought the boys would take them without icing but DS1 wanted his iced, DS2 didn’t say and DS3 didn’t mention it which was good as I had run out of time and not made his. I was trying to get two ingredients, one is hard to get In this country.It is made now. Will ice ours and DS1’s tomorrow. DS2&3 need to buy and deliver some marzipan. I was sure I bought some more. Mum used to make hers so I will look tomorrow and see if I have everything. I have almonds. I need to make three cakes earlier next year.
Just need to do the bins.