This New Year, The Fledglings are Flying a new approach

[HillsBesideTheSea]

Hello and welcome to new and old.

If you are new around here. Hi, introduce yourself around the fire pit in the naughty corner where we are all sitting comfortably. The naughty corner is decked out with comfy, and snacks, and a place just to have a chat when things haven't gone to plan. We are a very long running thread but do love new blood stopping by to join us.

Welcome to those who are returning.

We had a chat on the previous thread about possibly trying a new twist on the fly lady system. We all know that the fly lady system is good for establishing routines when we follow it. But we also know that sometimes we need a quick hit of a big declutter. And that life has a habit of throwing curve balls making it very difficult to stay on track.

So this is the plan. Each evening I will post the babystep, a thought point and the flylady daily focuses. We are not giving up on the fly lady system but just bringing it into line with the individuality of our lives, and trying to resolve some of the issues that comes from being the family brain, trying to do all the things and generally having modern busy lives. The thought point is to try to get you to think differently. And may require a click on a link (video), a discussion on the thread, or just you considering things. I do not promise it will make you feel better, or magically change your house straight away. But hopefully it will help with the overall flow and approach. And may just tweak the twee out of the fly lady system to the point where it is now your system.

But before you entirely regret your choices in letting my try this craziness we are going to start with some key basics that I really do think has been incorporated well into the Flylady system.

1. the mess, disorder and chaos did not happen over night. Give yourself the grace and time to fix it. (also known as roman weren't built in a day so don't kill yourself trying to get your house immaculate in a day)

1. Goals vs system.

We will go into this a little more shortly but to start, the fly lady system has an end goal - a house which is tidy and clean that comes second nature. It achieves it by building habits and routines that make the steps needed to achieve that goal second nature. There is a lot of research that says goals don't work, systems do. And systems are built on the formation of habits.

1. You are never behind.

You might not be making the progress you would like, you may have taken a break. But you are not behind. So again, give yourself a break and drop the guilt. There is probably a reason why you have taken a break - illness, other demands on time, mental health etc etc. And yes some days it is an effort to make sure that everyone is fed and ok. But that is ok, so give yourself grace that on that day that was exactly what was needed and thus you succeeded in the essential goal of the day. guilt is just going to make things harder than it needs to be. It is ok not to feel guilty if you did not do all the things.

I will be back later with links for tomo. I am posting them in the evening the night before because some of us are morning people, and some of us are night people. And this way everyone will be able to see prior to when they need to consider it.

Come park your broom in the new thread for a little while and have a natter whilst we wait to bring in the New year.

Impressed by so much being done by others. Had a rough day pain wise so not much done but Christmas tree is down and decorations boxed if not put in the loft. Early night I think and hope tomorrow is a better day.

Getting the Christmas tree and decorations is a MASSIVE task Ready don't sell yourself short.

Ds is home. God i miss his sarcasm and dry humour when he is not here.

My fitbit tells me i should go for a walk. i have no reason why i cant other than cba

Thanks Hills I just have so much on my to do list and wanted this year to be different. Glad your DS is home 😃

3rd January: The post it note one.
There is no way on earth that any of us is going to say you have to stick post it notes up around your house. You may chose to use them, you may use a Kanban board (either manually or digitally). But really this is to get you to think about building routines out of the habits you are starting. Starting to consider what is your morning routine, what is your evening routine. What are your habits that make the day to day just that little be more automated.

Thinking point
But I am going to take the thinking point in a different direction. And a direction that was something I think is important to address, and which Shannara has already briefly touched on. Knowing your lives, the demands on you and your energy.

I am not going to pretend that I am ever going to be someone who is up in the morning doing all the things before breakfast, rather than someone who is up late at night doing all the things. I have tried to convert myself to this lie many times, it generally doesn’t work well. But I am also the kind of person who can function very well on 6hrs sleep in the summer, with all the energy in the world. Yet come the autumn I want to hermit and hibernate, and finding energy/motivation to do all the things is problematic. I have two options: to work with my natural energy cycles or to fight against them. I am going to be honest; I am happier and generally feel a lot better if I work with my natural energy cycles.

But let’s be honest – I still have to be up and functioning to get to work on time in the morning, I still need to get stuff done in the winter. I can’t completely say this is how it is. But I can be kinder to myself and maybe do as much prep work for the next day as possible the night before so that there is less to do first thing. I can try to get big around the house projects done and completed before the end of September so that I am doing more of the day to day stuff rather than the big project stuff. Sure life comes up and it is not practical but having not planned big projects for those times I know I struggle means that if something comes up I can deal with that without also having to deal with the planned stuff. Because if we are all honest with ourselves things WILL come up.

Sometimes we have an energy deficit because we have additional demands on us which are time critical such as tax requirements/marking duties/all the social events for the kids (looking at you Christmas activities/end or year stuffs). And we know that we need to just lighten the load by doing things in advance, and maybe for a week giving ourself a little slack and just doing the basics so we can meet those time sensitive activity requirements.

The distribution of energy resources is something that is very difficult to balance with the demands of society, of those who rely on us, our expectations of ourselves. But without considering how much energy we have in our bank to spend we are more likely to end up in an energy overdraft and burn out. And whilst it is true that those of us with chronic illness, sn, MH may find it harder to keep our energy bank in credit; it is something that everyone should really be considering.

So the thinking point today is: do you have times of the day/week/month/year when you have more energy or less energy. Is there a way you can tweak your planning to help lighten the load a little bit in those times when you have less resources? Also are there ways that you can tweak your planning so that when there are specific/extra demands that are foreseeable you can reduce the additional demands/build up a reserve to help you through the additional demand.

Daily Focus - Tuesday is planning day.
I am going to be honest planning day on a Tuesday doesn’t work for me so I have made my planning day Sunday. If you need to switch the day’s focus so it works for you, just do it. But try to do it consistently so it becomes habit.

The Zone use the launch pad zone or app zone as you chose.

The launch pad with the other links is here

Ugh. I have eaten more than half of the huge bar of reduced chocolate.

I was going to eat one line of squares.

Honestly, I should know by now.

In other news, nest is full again. For a week or two (I believe Full Term starts on the 18th).

Evening all

Sunday is my planning day too Hills - normally everyone else is out for a couple of hours and I get some peace sometimes I take my diary and phone to Spoons and have breakfast by myself at the same time.

Mc - not suite clear whether the shovel was aimed at the boxes or DH.....

Merry - I ate far too much chocolate today too.

Tada!

Made soup from leftover carrots and parsnips for packed lunches this week
Cleared up kitchen
Late breakfast
Helped DS with UCAS form (ongoing saga) and a few other bits of admin
Took Christmas decs down with DH and he put them all in the loft. He also vacuumed up pine needles. House looks bleak and empty now .
Picked up click and collect shopping from Sainbos plus popped in for extra masks for school return.
Unpacked shopping
Finished book
Chinese takeaway while watching darts final and playing monopoly
Ordered more LFTs to support return to work and school for all of us

Merry I am eating the Christmas biscuits, those gingerbread ones. 2 small ones and one with dark chocolate. I might need to have another when I come back in from turning off the lights. I have a spiced apple candle on.

Lady great start.
Zoo sounds like a good plan re the teenagers. You are teaching them to be independent people. They will thank you one day( it will not be tomorrow) and you can smile. DS3 gave me a complement today. He said, “Well you can make something out of nothing!” In reference to the fact that we have enough food. Bless him. He is 35.

Ta da
✅Showered and dressed.
❎Towel to wash with one sheet
✅glasses: washed all my dad’s crystal glasses. DH is not allowed to touch them. The only time I have ever seen him be really sorry was the day he cack- handedly broke one.
✅cleaned out cutlery drawer and washed everything. Going to Declutter some stuff.
✅ cleaned out two cupboards looking for LFT that I can’t remember where they got moved to when trying to tidy the dining room. Later found by DH in his room. In box of DD art stuff. Washed cupboards out.

Tired so left the rest until tomorrow. Have large baking drawer to sort and clean tomorrow then all that corner done.

Did LFT another negative. So that is three now. Might ring GP tomorrow if possible speak to one or nurse.

EDNew cushion covers or a bunch of flowers. My friend did this every year. I have four sets of cushion covers now so won’t be buying them but will get a bunch of M&S flowers I think. I’m going to change the curtains for a pair BF and I bought fabric and made years ago. She has slightly different colours to mine. Cosy.

Trying to decide whether to buy door curtain I like or cheaper one. Need to buy light shades for hall first. Wish DD was here she could make me some. I have a lampshade which would be a lovely pattern for the hall.

Snuggled into bed now expecting snow tomorrow. Friend drove home from Newcastle tonight and snowed most of the way. It is high on some of the A69 though.

ta da
🍓shower
🍓stripped Cagletini’s bed - so glad I didn’t do this yesterday as she wet the bed this morning!
🍓laundry
🍓reading
🍓volunteer call
🍓emailed summary to supervisor
🍓wrote up the week on the board
🍓walked to hospital and had booster
🍓picked up a few bits in wilko and got some book bargains in a charity shop
🍓helped tidy the living room a bit
🍓arranged some stuff in the diary - pupil changing lesson times etc
🍓finished escape room!

Yesterday's tada
Found unsavoury flick off from scoutcats abscess
Scrubbed kitchen to within inch of its life!
Sorted "the pile" in living room
Swept stair carpet
Bathroom done

I went to actual bed at 930 I was so tired.woke often but fell asleep again.proper awake at 5.feel bit less dead,but know later it will hit me as always does lack sleep followed by sleep equals exhausted!

Need chase up D's school today as they havent made any efforts to action part time with local authority and I refuse send him fulltime when its making him so stressed.poor lambs been fretting on it since boxing day☹️
Due to lft tests etc I have D's due back to school tom(unlikely to happen)
Dd2 Thursday
Lil zoo Friday
Both up in arms year 8 aren't back til Monday!!(not fair)
I'm not going to lie but anxious for them to return to school given current covid sitch.its a huge school( around 2000 students)....

hills agree working with you energy.i too am great in summer too at dawn etc.wintee I'm a total sloth.im a morning person 100% always have been and it's pointless expecting myself to do much /complicated things post 4pm unless I want to try and induce a tearful meltdown!

Merry tbh I'd have eaten whole bar..
Red hope you get some answers/help from g.p
MC well done being so ready for back to work
That hope got some uni work done

Red - good idea, I have got a second set of cushion covers but last time I tried them I got complaints that they weren't as nice and snuggly (usual set are fluffy, alternatives are plain cotton). Flowers is also a good idea, I usually start buying bunches of daffs as soon as they appear in the shops and they do brighten the place up. You were asking how the EH did at NY, we had a much simpler meal of grilled marinated chicken, flatbread and dips which it did very nicely. I love the constant warmth in the kitchen and its always in use for drying things (I had all the outdoor fairylights draped over it yesterday).

What ho peeps!

Hope everyone inspired by that shiny New Year feeling of potential new change, ambitions, hopes etc!

And Hills thank you so much for the very helpful talking points! Loads of food for thought!

In summary:

• habits as opposed to objectives are the one thing keeping us from total chaos here

(things have got out of hand so shining sink, s&s, one load of laundry a day etc etc are keeping scuzz at bay)

• I am one of the old dinosaurs on the thread who is a shoes on person!

(old drafty house, hard floors throughout, parts of house unrenovated with the odd nail sticking up, just always have got up, washed and dressed straightaway; do not chore effectively in PJs, and need to feel dressed in order to crack on somehow, plus nip out to shops and with dogs frequently during day.)

• I definitely need to do more proper self care like exercise, as opposed to soothing/distracting which in my case can easily turn in to dithering/ procrastination.

• My equivalent of post it notes on mirror or whatever Flylady suggests is to make myself a timetable at this time of year with 30 min increments on squared paper with old fashioned pencil and ruler. It takes a while to get right. It helps me to allocate blocks of time to specific tasks as I am easily distracted (especially with DH wfh ATM) and allows me to make best use of my time. I fill in all the fixed office commitments first, then other projects, then the regular house-keeping/dog-walking habits, and I give myself an hour at the beginning and end of each day and night for exercise/baths/self care/relaxation etc. It also allows me to eek out my dwindling post-menopausal energy levels.

The problem this year is that I am overwhelmed by too many different projects ATM (involving PT job, four building projects going on simultaneously in two different locations (not to be recommended) and prepping to launch a new enterprise and many other things, which means I am domestically challenged and there aren't enough slots on the timetable, and after consulting some very wise minds, have concluded that some things have to be struck off. This will be a tricky negotiation with DH and with myself. I also need to return to pre-pandemic levels of cleaning help once house back to a more decent level of order! Thanks to thrashing it out with others, I feel calmer and more focused about this now, rather than running around like a headless chicken!

[Oh and sorry to be sacrilegious but I am doing a mix of TOMM and Flylady this year. I find the former works better when there are people wfh.]

Key word for this year: ORDER (have had enough of losing things, feeling stressed, want to impose some more control over matters. This is my natural inclination but it was very cannily pointed out to me that I have been sucked in to all the chaos around dh's constantly reactive work state and I want/need to counteract that instead of going down the same rabbit hole.

Readytostartagain it always takes me two days to take down decorations and put them away!

I am Catholic so, for complicated reasons, our twelfth night is on Thursday.

ED I dread the post-decoration bleakness and even worse, the shabby walls and crumbling plaster being revealed! I always buy myself a big bunch of flowers to counteract this! Don't get on with scented candles but going to experiment with some natural oils ( lavender) in hoover, behind radiators this winter as I have loved the pine smell of the tree this year and miss it when it is gone!

Redsquirrel what is it about men and rarely apologising?

Glad you got some sleep Zoo! Hope you will feel better for it eventually.

Hope you are getting some sleep Still and enjoying new baby snuggling!

Thanks for book recommendation Shannara

Can sympathize with everyone who is eating too much chocolate! We are still chomping our way through the Christmas cheese! And I am still making mince pies (young visitor loves them). Diet strictures to start next week!

Right, had better get on! Waves to everyone I've missed and a warm welcome to all newcomers!

,sits patiently waiting for cheese excess at scs to reach naughty corner.brings crackers>

Emergency delivery coming right up Zoo!

Tada
Menus rest week planned
List written for shop
1lol done,dry and put away
One in wash
Emails kept on top of/deleted as appropriate
Email ds schoolAGAIN regarding part time return,which isn't going to happen tom now and I'm not impressed..

Forecast for snow here.aa East England not too excited

Sing btw your list looks ace! Very...ordered ...which is what I am aiming for this year. Bravo for being so on top of thi GS.

And Zoo I need to follow your lead and insist on others doing their bit. I am fed up of having to constantly pick up the trails of other people's shoes, cables, papers, books, mugs, plates, coats, jumpers... . ... .

Just passing on the ol’ broomstick - not meant to be here as I’ve not finished a chapter yet. But I had to pass on this quote in the audiobook I’m listening to (Atomic Habits) before I forget! I think it goes well with the idea of systems vs goals, not being perfectionist etc…

Habits are the compound interest of self improvement.

:o

Right, chapter finished. Meeting is at 9.30, back to work I go 🤩🧡

Need painkillers first though, head is in a vice 😣 and breakfast.

Remember how i said i was glad to had ds back. Forgot he walks like a herd of flipping elephants who charges around the house in the night

Did not sleep well last night. Woken up by a text with follow up phone call.

I need to figure out what my plan is.
Strike that! i need to go get a cup of coffee and ring school

I’m still here and reading along from the naughty corner. DD2 has discovered the joys of milk in tap and is taking full advantage. She’s currently flat out after her all-nighter, and I’m rather snoozy! I’m moving much more easily now though, and managed to help DH with the DW and laundry this morning after my shower. We did a meal plan yesterday and he went to the supermarket. We are definitely in need of a home bleurgh here but we are otherwise surviving. I’ve set up my planner for January, and I seem to have enough space in that to take me to the month before I go back to work when I’ll start using my shiny new one. I also managed to order some LFTs this morning after trying for days.

DD1 is besotted Red. It’s lovely to see, although she’s a bit too enthusiastic, wanting to change her all the time and waking her with random tickles.

Coffee and ringing school is a plan Hills, you can add making that plan to your to do list.

Atomic Habits is on my to read list Sing, I like that quote.

Work meeting was good - shorter than usual, which is also good 🤣 obv not as much to discuss following the Christmas break. Might be a bit busier as a colleague has at least two weeks off but it suits me to get as many hours as possible. Sleepy today though.

po3.1
❗️Deal with work enquiry
❗️Look at maths books I bought yesterday
❗️Finish the maths I printed the other day

Afternoon all, just about!
I’m procrastinating over my power of three as I’m so bloody tired. Nap not an option as DH is off for a hospital appt and won’t be back for hours. He has another one tomorrow as well.

Hills so true re the different times and energy levels etc. So many factors! I know for me, period days are almost a write off, and I find myself thinking pretty much every month that I wish I’d planned better for that. Everything is more difficult then!

In terms of daytime rhythms, this can vary. Sometimes I have a surge of… well not so much energy as focus I guess. And having ADHD obviously I need to capitalise on that (while being careful not to overdo it!). I have a feeling this is all far more linked to what I eat and drink (caffeine, sugar etc) than I’d like to admit. And screen use too probably - I think the teams meeting has worn me out today.

I’ve never really had a planning day although like others Sunday seems to be the day for it. That’s when I usually clean and refill the weekly planner board so it makes sense for me. But I’ve never had a regular dedicated time for the diary, I just sort of have sessions of checking dates etc when I remember. Usually when I’m stressed that I’ve forgotten something or that things are getting hectic. Something to think about for sure.

ED I also love a quiet, solo pub meal to get my head/notes straight! :o Pre covid I went to our local a fair bit - always get a hello from the manager now :o - and I was thinking I should perhaps build in a trip there for a particular purpose like doing some uni reading or essay planning. It’s an odd location (chain pub attached to a quiet chain hotel) so it’s rarely busy other than Sunday carvery - it’s been blissfully quiet some evenings.

Right, going to imbibe some caffeine and look at maths stuff in the hope I wake up a bit. While also keeping Cagletini busy with her new scissors and some paper and pens.

Okay it's turned into a Spring clean 🙄 Doing upstairs ATM. Dust everywhere so keeping ds out of the way.

People be frustrating. That is all.

(For newbies - LMS means lose my shit 🤣 so if you see DLMS on a ta da list it means we have admirably kept our cool against the odds!)