Chores?

[mumof2sarah]

I've posted about getting on top of cleaning etc and am working on that but I'm just wondering what everyone's views are regarding giving children chores. My dad and partner always say they should have them (like I did) but I always feel so mean 🙈 big one does do the hoovering and pots and little one helps with the washing and tidying. Can everyone give me the ages and what they do daily/weekly etc please. I'm wanting to a little rota to encourage and stick to it (for us all) TIA x

Mine have always been expected to help, from when they were tiny and it was no actual help, but kept them occupied whilst I was doing stuff.
You do age appropriate things - start with things like laying the table and clearing the table / taking things to the sink or dishwasher. Get them to put away clothes that come back from the wash. Teach them habits that mean there aren't jobs to do later - putting things away as they go along.... from hanging their coat up when they come in, to putting clothes in the washing basket when they take them off.

How old are your dc ?

They do put stuff away they have put and coats shoes etc, and they do make their beds every morning and take their dishes into kitchen. My two girls at 13 and 5 x

Oh right, well, by 13, mine were all expected to make one evening meal a week.
Sorry, I thought from your first post they were quite little.

I have a seven year old nephew who hoovers, puts washes on, lays the table, stacks the dishwasher and helps his dad with gardening. If you don't stop feeling mean, you'll end up knackered and resentful!

I know, I'm going to do a chores list. I don't think they'll mind helping tbh it's just my head 🙈 big one enjoys cooking especially the likes of spagbol, lasagne, fajitas etc so will maybe make that a part of them then x

Mine occasionally help with the dishwasher, hanging laundry, put their laundry away, take in a Sainsbury's delivery, set the table when asked.

They are 19 and 22. Both functioning well balanced adults. Let them have a childhood and focus on school work and fun.

Two grown adults in your house occasionally help when asked @OhTheRoses? Doesn't that sound great.

I always say people are so quick for their children to grown up they should enjoy their childhood but I do see the importance of showing them life skills and encouraging the basic things in life. This is why my minds conflicted 🙈 I will continue with the chores they do already do and going to add cooking for eldest and something extra for youngest x

I have to add from as far as I can remember when my mum shouted tea was ready we'd all go down and do jobs, one would lay the dinner mat and knives and forks, one would sort drinks, and the other two would go into the kitchen to help mum serve etc then we would all take stuff back into kitchen and all had jobs of washing/drying/putting away and tidying the sides x

I don't set 'chores' as I was set them from being pretty young and really resented it. My DC offers to help, really wants to, whereas I never really did. Also if I mention their room is a bit messy they will tidy it without much fuss.

I think if the 'chores' are treated as something no one wants to do, it can create a problem. If they are seen as something vital and useful to be able to do, less so.

I agree with that pondering - we just had to pitch in. They were jobs that were done and that was it. My nephew loves finding out how things work and helping out. Even has his own vacuum cleaner!

Thankyou @wowfudge and @ponderingprobably I totally see how that would feel, perhaps i need to think about to approach it x

I don't agree wowfudge. It's fab. One brought home a first and the other 4A* A'Levels this summer. One has started a good permanent job, the other is preoaring an Oxbridge application for mid October and has already found part-time work having decided on a last minute gap year.

My mother didn't bring me up to do chores and it never harmed me. Because I came from an immaculate organised home I've always run one.

@OhTheRoses wow you must be so so proud. Congratulations to both of your children (and yourselves) on such wonderful achievements. It's good to hear nice things like that in life👏🏻👏🏻

6yo and 1yo here.

6yo has helped make his bed since he was around 2, he does it each morning and has got lots better obviously.

1yo helps put toys away before bedtime (lots of praise and 'yay' when he puts legos in the toy box)
Also carries nappy downstairs and drops into the bin (again met with 'yay' and praise)

We don't have 'chores' as such. Just tidying up after themselves, putting toys away, putting washing in the basket and plates in the sink etc. Eldest likes pressing the on button for the washing machine, carrying pegs while I hang washing, puts recycling into proper bins. I wouldn't have them hoovering or steaming floors. But they do help with little things around the house, keeps them entertained and helps me out. They do like helping me, it's more of a game than anything, I don't have them as my minions scrubbing floors😂

@OhTheRoses - contributing to running an immaculate home and achieving academic and career success are not mutually exclusive in our family.

It really pisses me off that doing a few jobs around the place is spoken of as though it stops kids having a childhood. Codswallop. Our parents both worked full time - they weren't our servants, doing everything for us. Having everyone muck in teaches children important life skills for when the time comes for them to be independent.

Plus, if everyone who loves in the house mucks in with the daily running of it, then it leaves the parents more time to spend with them - be that as taxi-driver, playing with them {going to depend on age a bit}, or just watching a film together or whatever.

Quite - we're not talking about sending children up chimneys fgs!

We don't have regular chores here, just general muckinig-in. So, for example, before dinner I will have asked one dc to unload the dishwasher, and after dinner I'll tell another dc to clear and wipe the table, while another does the dishes. (We've not yet got to the stage where they do it unasked, but they will clear their own dishes unasked.) Similarly, if a dc makes dinner, I'll say "You cooked, dh and I will do the dishes."

The other day I came home from work to find that 17yo ds had baked - and left no trace, just a batch of marvellous cookies.

Yes, when they go to Uni or similar they'll be able to look after themselves. I've always thought that the job of a parent is to teach their offspring to be independent. They'll thank you for it!

Yes, think that the ability to care for themselves and their environment is an important life skill.

3, 5 and 8. They all make their beds and tidy up let's face it, it is their mess older 2 clear their plates, littliest has started copying them, eldest also helps with meal prep on occasion.

ohtheroses sounds like you have done a fantastic job raising your boys

It's not being mean, it's part of preparing them for adulthood. Imo the whole job of a parent is to prepare your kids so they can manage without you one day.

Everyone needs to be able to take care of themselves and that includes cooking, laundry and keeping a clean house.

Frankly, if when my kids are adults they can't do their own washing, or cook themselves a meal or keep their house reasonably clean I'll consider myself a bit of a failure as a parent.

I had to do my own laundry from 13 on and I'll prob be saying that to my kids when they get to around that age. The older they get the more I'll want them to do. Mine are 3 and 6 and at the moment so they just do little things like putting dirty washing in the washing basket, tidying toys, they hang their own coats up and put their shoes away, etc.

I don't think of it as "chores". I think of it as "pulling your weight around the house".

V impressed with the 1 yo that tidies!

I sing "clean up, clean up, everybody let's clean up" to DD aged 2, which prompts her to redisperse her toys all over the place

Thank you for all your opinions and ideas, I do read and appreciate every single persons views (all entitled to see things differently and all work differently). I decided to go a different route with my 13 yo I sat down with her and asked what jobs around the house she wouldn't mind helping (whilst making it clear she didn't have a choice but she could choose what they were) she mentioned quite a few tbh inc. helping sister with tidying/homework and reading/bathing etc, pots and washing, hoovering, putting away clean washing, setting table and cooking. So between us she wants to make a list of daily jobs and said she's happy to do them. It'll probably be like if she cooks I'll set the table and OH will do pots etc. She actually said she does them all at her dads (even though he only sees her on a Tuesday evening for an hour or two and one night over weekend) so I don't feel as bad now. Before anyone says I'm treating like Cinderella please take into consideration she won't be doing every single chore every day and also that I appreciated and respected all your opinions and ways. I'm not a fan of arguing/respectful disagreements, I like peace 😂