Chores?

[mumof2sarah]

I've posted about getting on top of cleaning etc and am working on that but I'm just wondering what everyone's views are regarding giving children chores. My dad and partner always say they should have them (like I did) but I always feel so mean 🙈 big one does do the hoovering and pots and little one helps with the washing and tidying. Can everyone give me the ages and what they do daily/weekly etc please. I'm wanting to a little rota to encourage and stick to it (for us all) TIA x

We've just started with chores for DD11 and DS7. Weekdays they either tidy the shoes/shoe cupboard in the hall or take the recycling to the bin, Friday they clean their hamsters and Sat they tidy their room. They don't have to tidy their room but they get £2 if they do. They also put away their washing unless it needs hanging up (wardrobes too high for them to reach the rail easily).

I don't like the word "help". Probably more so when we talk about DH helping. Chores are everyone's responsibility. We all eat, we all make a mess, we all have to do our bit.

The word "help" suggests that the chores are one person's responsibility and anyone who "helps" is doing them a favour.

Teach them to cook, teach them to do housework, teach them to do their own washing. Teach them to grow up into independent adults who can look after themselves. It's part of your role as a parent to do this.

Only you know when a child is mature enough to take on specific tasks but once they reach that point, do not ever do their jobs for them.

And don't pay them.

I grew up in an immaculate, well-run, organised home, but I haven't got a clue how to do it myself! My house is a constant tip, I lurch from one disaster to another. It doesn't automatically rub off it the parent doesn't explicitly teach the kid.

So anyway, my kids have to pitch in, cos I simply can't do it all myself, and I resent having to do it all myself. We don't have a regular schedule, I've tried but I'm not organised enough to enforce it, and as my kids have got older they come and go whenever they bloody want, so don't stick to it, so now it's grabbing whoever's in and saying you do x, y, z. I try to keep it fairly fair.

Especially when they are older (say ten plus) it's definitely a case of them sharing a joint responsibility to the home/family and not leaving it all to one person to do, rather than "doing chores" ifswim.

X posts, but exactly Ropsleybunny

No chores for kids here.

Childhood is the only time that we have in our lives to be wonderfully chore free. They have the rest of their lives to scrub toilets.

I did no chores as a kid, it's not rocket science to learn.

I have always taken the line of, look after your own belongings, tidy up after yourself etc. This on the whole makes doing other things easier. I also take the line of you have no right to complain if you are not prepared to help. So for example I do the washing but no moaning about how long it takes to get your favourite t-shirt back again!
They are now 17, 15 & 11. Eldest can cook for himself, frequently gets bits of shopping without being asked (milk, fruit, cereal etc), he can iron. 15 yr old can make easy things like pizza, cheese on toast etc. He can use the lawnmower. Youngest can do many things but still needs to be reminded to pick up his clothes so still working on that one!

Ropsley that is funny, I don't like the word 'chores', as it suggests an onerous task, to me. I was made to do them from quite young and resented it. To me 'help' has positive connotations, as we all help each other out. It is a cooperative word, as I see it. But then again we don't 'own' tasks much in our immediate family. We do fall into set patterns but we all will pitch in when needed.

I agree with you concerning payment, though. As a teenager you couldn't pay me enough money to want to do certain tasks, as they were too onerous, and expectations were too exact. I would happily reject payment. I just wanted to go out to see friends. This was free, I rode my bike and just like hanging out with them. Time was more important to me.

I did learn most things myself. Cooking, cleaning, washing and ironing was perfected at university. I only really baked and cooked very simple meals at home, a lot which weren't particularly to my taste. I just followed recipe books, appliance manuals and instructions on packaging, when I was wholly responsible for myself. Simple.

I too dislike the word "chores"; I think it's a very loaded and negative word. I think "jobs" or "tasks" or "help" are nicer words. I did tasks as a child, and I enjoyed most of them (except tidying my room; I thought life was too short for that).

My DH has a habit of saying "ought" a lot (complete with gloomy voice); as in we ought to go shopping, we ought to go swimming, we ought to see my mum. These are all things we like doing, but the word ought makes them sound like chores.

@wandering and @pondering Funnily enough, we never use the word chores! Cooking, especially, is seen as a joy in our house! Shopping for food is another joy, as they love helping to choose. We also make tidying up fun and ours love gardening.

It's part of life and part of our job as parents to teach these important life skills.

TBH I only used the word chores as it's something I've known it's been called, I call it jobs or just tidying up when I talk to the children x

I don't mind if they pitch in and help. I don't like the idea of specific 'chores' (what a dreadful name for starters).

My 'chore' when growing up, and it was called that, was to clean the bathroom. To this day I still hate cleaning the bathroom, it's the one job that I put off and never feel like I have done quite well enough. Ridiculous really since I left home over 20 years ago!

Your DCs sound lovely OP

Mine did age appropriate chores from a pretty young age. At age 13 both DDs took turns to cook Sunday dinner as I was working Sundays at that time. From a much younger age they had to put dirty clothes in laundry basket, put clothes toys books neatly away, and hoover.

This thread puts me in mind of a boy at DDs Uni, his parents were there when DD was moving in & I remember he laughed saying 'where are you going with all those shoes?!. His son was lovely but it soon transpired - he couldn't even boil an egg much less take care of his laundry etc. I recall at the time thinking, how on earth could his parents let him grow up so ill-equipped to take care of himself?

I nosed in his food cupboard once (as he was really thin so I wondered) and it was full of packet soups, noodles, and crisps multipacks

DD taught him how to cook etc and they're still good friends years later

This summer a friend of mine was on FB complaining 'Oh God I HATE the summer hols, mega chores cooking cleaning etc'...her YOUNGEST is 10 and her eldest is 25. They don't do a thing at home really, never have. She made a rod for her own back, and it won't do them any good not having basic life skills re taking care of self

Having said that I wasn't rigid about chores - certain things they had to do but if they'd been out, or tired after school/homework/activities etc Id let some slide eg 'just put your clothes in laundry basket & put your stuff away' .

Well done

When my three daughters were around 9,10,11 I'd pick them up from childminder and arrive home after a days work, late evening and we would share the jobs by writing them on bits of paper and taking 2 jobs each lucky dip style. Simple things like empty kitchen bin, fold dry laundry, run vacuum cleaner around, lay table etc. That worked well for us.

Our DC are 3 and 5 and we're dead set on getting them to help out around the house.
5 y/o - makes his bed, takes his night pants to the bin, gets himself dressed, puts dirty clothes in laundry, takes own bowl/plate/cup to and from the table. But that's all tidying up after himself really - his extra job is hoovering up after dinner which happens every night.
2 y/o - starting to make her own bed, puts dirty clothes in laundry, takes own plate to and from table and extra job is drying up after dinner (plastic things!)

And obviously tidying up toys after they've finished with them.

As a kid, I remember having to help out in the house. By the time we were in secondary school, we had a washing up rota stuck to the kitchen wall (my mum was exempt cos she was the one who cooked!). When it was your birthday, you got a free pass . When I was 16 my youngest brother was born so we helped my mum a lot with the baby. As did my dad despite holding down a stressful job. (He did all the night feeds as DM was unwell). It wasn't explicitly said we had to help; rather assumed and expected - we all live here so we all pitch in and help out. It was a given that we studied hard at school and did well in exams to get into a good uni, and we were encouraged to do extra-curricular activities and get a weekend job when we were old enough.

I now have two DC - almost 8 and 5. They have to tidy their rooms. I sometimes help them (and I do a deep clean/tidy when they are at school) but they have to tidy away all their toys, teddies etc before bed.

I'm now working on other things like pulling bed covers back to air the bed, putting dirty washing in laundry bin, putting clean clothes away in the drawer etc. They are quite happy to do this but I have to constantly remind them as it's not become second nature yet. They also have to hang coats up and put shoes in basket when they come in. I don't think it's my job now they are older to clear up after them!! It takes mere seconds to do these little jobs and we all benefit.

Age appropriate chores - absolutely - I have a list started for my 14 months old - to be instigated at the right ages!

I like that idea NannyRed I'm saving that one for when mine are bigger and I am back at work! Thank you.

I have a 7 year old and a 2 year old.

Without prompting, the 7 year old will feed the cats in the morning, put his dirty clothes in the laundry, and get his own stuff (sports kit etc) ready for school.

With prompting his other jobs are : tidy the shoes in the hall, clean his own shoes, clear the table, lay the table (not strictly enforced yet), tidy his own bedroom, put clean clothes away in his drawers (again, not always enforced yet), put all his outdoor toys away in the shed when finished.

The two year old puts his own clothes in the laundry and his dirty nappy in the bin. Occasionally he can be persuaded to tidy his toys up, but his chief role is to undo all his brother's good works .

DD is 1 so can't do much. DSS is 10. His only job is to put his clothes away and do his homework and that is how he gets his pocketmoney. Neither gets done. DH just shrugs his shoulders and award pocket money anyway.

When DD old enough I would like to get her in a good routine.

We've just started with a tick list for the DCs - DD12 and DS8. This was following my being ill with tonsillitis for a week...when I finally left my sick bed I spent ages cleaning up after them. Sweet wrappers, crisp packets, etc, etc.

DS has taken to it with great enthusiasm and does his list every day. He has been rewarded this week with something he's been after for a while, but the reward won't always be something extra - some weeks it will be simply an extra pound on his pocket money.

DD, on the other hand, is resisting at every turn. She leaves a drift of mess behind her, and hasn't quite grasped that she needs to do basic things or else her pocket money might start being reduced.

We started them both with two tasks: make bed, put dirty laundry into the washing basket. The plan is to add extra tasks which will be age-appropriate.

DS has a couple of extra tasks now (clean out his guinea pigs and tidy toys away), which we talked about and he agreed to do. This week has been a little more of a challenge for him, but he's still going. I ask him how his list is going and he'll do the things that he has missed.

It's a slow process...and it's going to be an uphill struggle with DD, but I think we'll get there in the end. She hates mess and I can't understand why she is so untidy!

Ours have always had to do a fair share of chores, because I wanted them to grow up able to look after themselves, not be useless lumps who depended on others.
As they got older the chores became more grown up and at 11 they did some of their own laundry including ironing school uniform.
They never had a lot to do but they were age appropriate and made them feel grown up when they were able to move onto something new they weren't allowed to do before, like making a cup of tea.

We have "team time". As in the family team that does a burst of tidying together. In practice, it is mainly my husband and I, but we give them small parts of team time. E.g. team time downstairs mainly means putting toys away. Team time upstairs means putting some of their clothes away - they can't yet put stuff on hangers, but they can put underwear/t-shirts away. We put music on and to it in a short burst. Then usually they watch TV, and we do a bit more. Team time in bedrooms means tidying beds and putting books on book shelves. That sort of thing.

Chores is a bad word to me as well. We were punished with chores that were obscure even though I did things in the house anyway but my DM seemed to like to give us extra chores as punishment because she was resentful about something.

I think just all naturally pitching in with 'normal life things' (not labelled as chores) is the way to go from a young age. Not make a big deal, just this is what we all do and off we go tidying or doing this or that. No big deal, not a huge fuss or a big drag, just like breathing. I've always been naturally like despite my DM's attitude.

I've met loads of kids and young people that love to do all sorts of 'chores' if it is done in a ligthhearted way and they see the purpose if it and sense of acheivement afterwards and as a way to have fun and have someone be proud of them. Maybe I watched Mary Poppins too often!!!

I like the sound of your 'team time Alanna

Wow I actually feel bad naming this thread chores 🙄 I used that word as I know it's a recognised one and wanted opinions on how people went about it with their children not to make me feel bad about the wording of it. I've sorted out a good routine now and both children are really starting to help. Thank you to every one who help and gave advice I do appreciate it x