Has you DS actually had fun at Oxbridge?

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I don’t often read about friends made, fun had or good experiences at Oxford or Cambridge. Pressurised environment is always mentioned and regret of not going to Durham, Bristol or Warwick etc. Does anyone have anything positive to share about their DCs experience.

Also
Have they managed to maintain old hobbies?
How have they coped with eating arrangements?

Did a negative turn out to be a positive?

Both DC had a fabulous time at Oxbridge.
Oxford certainly lived up to expectations for DD. She is a work hard, play hard type of person and trained vocationally in ballet throughout secondary school and sixth form. She had so many lovely performance opportunities at Oxford as well as competing in Varsity, made close friends through her college and dance and graduated with a First in a STEM subject so no regrets at all.
DS is a quieter more introverted character but really found his tribe at Cambridge. His passion is tennis and he was captain of his college team and played in one of the University men’s teams. He met his girlfriend in college and managed the finances for his college’s ball. Graduated with a First and won a Tripos prize. His college was so right for him and he thrived there having been one of the quiet ones at school. His Cambridge experience gave him a sense of self belief that was lacking at school.

DH and I met at an Oxbridge ball Both from state schools. We graduated 10 years ago (where does the time go!) and still regularly meet up with friends we made. I in particular had a fabulous time and hope our DC get to have the same experiences and opportunities.

Catering wise it might not have been the highest quality food but I enjoyed the touchpoint of eating in hall with friends most nights. We can all still recite our college‘s grace from memory 😂 The food situation does vary between colleges fwiw.

Mine had 5 amazing years there, made a massive cohort of friends from all over the colleges and sports etc. He’s in his 40s now. His main group have been each other’s best man, bridesmaids, godparents to new babies, holiday together still. They go back for all relevant College celebrations together. I love the friendships that have been so important to them all.

DD has just gone back to Cambridge for preseason training in her sport.

She seems to be having a fun time. She has been able to play her sport, be active in a club, and end the year with a high 2:1. She isn’t averaging an academic first, and she isn’t a Cambridge blue. But she is having a well rounded, happy experience and making friends with other students who seem to be lovely.

All the DC who get into Oxbridge will be high flyers. Most once there will be average for Oxbridge by definition. That can be a psychological adjustment for some. But I think it is healthy.

I’ve had 3 through Oxbridge and all had a fabulous time. Mine are all bright but not especially academically focused - so they did enough work to do ok (2i all round) but also found time for sport, music, socialising, and other weird and wonderful things that they wouldn’t have had the chance to do somewhere else. They made great friends.

They had come from an independent school that expected them to be busy but also had some extremely bright peers so they weren’t phased by other very bright students or not being the best, and were good at balancing a heavy workload.

I do think some kids have come from being head and shoulders above the rest of their peers at school find it a bit of a shock to maybe just be average and then work like demons to try to get back on top or maybe just to not drop down and they are miserable.

DS doing law and works hard but has lots of fun. Lovely friends, very diverse economically - including refugees, first gen, midlands, London etc etc. Love having them visit in the hols. The thing about Oxbridge is that there is a lot of money for societies and extra-curricular - you just don't get anything near even at other Russell Group.

The resourcing extends to holidays (has had a very interesting job via uni for one month) and grants for travel (about to take him to the bus for airport - going with 2 other college friends partly paid for by college).

My DS has just finished first year at Cambs and is having a brilliant time. He's made a bunch of lovely new mates, and the workload hasn't seemed overwhelming at all in terms of maintaining other interests (he did 4 a-levels at a demanding grammar though). It's been fantastic tbh. The kitchen in his college was tiny and crap but they learn to navigate it and certainly don't starve!

My DH went to Oxford (1970s) and DS to Cambridge (graduated 4 years ago.
They both absolutely loved it and would recommend to anyone who likes to work hard and play hard.
Although different subjects and career paths, they both felt it set them up well for life as well as having the best time!

Wow - sounds great. May I ask, did you or anyone in your family go to Oxbridge? Any teachers in the family?

My two friends who both went to Cambridge ended up with mental health issues from the pressure they experienced there.

I went to Cambridge and was very happy, though I did have friends who struggled with the intensity. I met DH and made some of my best friends at college. DD is just starting A-Levels and I certainly wouldn't discourage her from applying to Oxbridge.

Hi,
Neither DH or I (or anyone else in either of our families) went to Oxbridge and there aren’t any teachers in our families either.

I have been told by some mums it appears that most of their friends DC who have studied at Cambridge have felt more pressured and overwhelmed, stressed compared to friends with DC at Oxford. Does anyone else think that?

@WhatNextImScared Good heavens ! A student from the 70.% majority is having a good time. How do the minority cope?

DS graduated from Ox this summer. Coming from a state school he felt out of his depth in the first year but really threw himself into college life. The workload was intense but he found a reasonable balance. He fell apart in first year exams, severe imposter syndrome - was calling me in tears saying he wasn’t good enough to be there. We thought he’d either rusticate or leave but his results were great and he decided to go back for his second year. From then on, he absolutely flew … he chose components of his course that interested him and rediscovered his love of the subject. He took part in so many college activities and by the time he graduated he’d organised college balls, attended so many inspirational talks, done lots of outreach work, was running, cycling and swimming and had trained as a cox for the rowing club.

By the third year he had a very strong and varied friendship group and was well respected within the college.

It turned out to be a very positive experience for him. Would I recommend Oxford life? As a parent who watched him struggle … I’m not sure.

I loved my time there, picked up a sport which I'm still involved in and oh, yes, met DH... I'd say it's had a fairly large influence on the rest of my life
I did also get a degree

DH went to Cambridge, he still has friends from that time. He was a rower though these days he just has an enormous rowing machine at home that cost more than my first car and was a member of a drinking club that is now banned.

My friend went to Oxford and got a stomach ulcer and had a breakdown, he took a year out and did graduate. He was a working class lad, lovely bloke, very down to earth, there was an actual Princess in his tutor group.

DH found Cambridge easy, everyone there is very clever obviously but he is sort of genius level clever so didn’t find it hard at all. He ran a Cocktail bar at one point while studying. He then travelled for almost 2 years to about 100 countries and went back and did a fully funded PhD.

I was a nurse at the same time, getting puked on and working loads of overtime and had bought my first flat. He earned around the same researching his PhD as I did nursing, a global corp sponsored his research and he saved them millions of pounds.

My brother loved it at Cambridge - even lived there after finishing uni. He made life-long friends. They are in their 30s now but go travelling together and visit each other wherever they are

Not a DS but my older DD loved Cambridge so much that she’s still there lecturing, having studied for an Integrated Masters followed by a fully funded PhD. She was already a competent dancer, but took up rowing/coxing and won blades with her college 8 one year. She has danced, sung in a chapel choir for 2 years, played in an orchestra, taken up football and acrobatic rock & roll and loads more.

I have just retired from teaching but my subject is nothing like what DD studied. Neither DH nor I went to Oxbridge and DD attended a good state school. She has always loved to learn and been quite disciplined. She has made a load of great friends who are still close, despite meeting 9 years ago now.

Don’t believe all the negatives about Oxbridge: not for the likes of you, full of posh people, everyone went to private school, everyone is a genius etc. It was not true for DD. In fact our local RG university has a higher % of privately educated students than Cambridge.

If DC get can top GCSE and A Level grades with relative ease without sacrificing any of the normal stuff that teenagers do (socialising, Saturday jobs, sport and hobbies) then they probably stand a good chance of being happy at Oxbridge.
From my entirely non statistical experience of one DC at each, DD’s Oxford experience appeared less pressured than DS’s Cambridge one but I think it might be because more emphasis was placed on ranking within cohort at Cambridge whilst Oxford was more about college ranking.

DS - went to Oxford. Big bursary to a posh school, normal comfy home life (3 bed semi, 2 working parents). He said socially it was the best time he's had! He did sport to a fairly high level (training with a Blue's squad) and did well academically too. He did say work was full on, but he seemed to manage it well. He said it was good because everyone had to work hard and he wasn't seen as a geek!