Has you DS actually had fun at Oxbridge?

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I don’t often read about friends made, fun had or good experiences at Oxford or Cambridge. Pressurised environment is always mentioned and regret of not going to Durham, Bristol or Warwick etc. Does anyone have anything positive to share about their DCs experience.

Also
Have they managed to maintain old hobbies?
How have they coped with eating arrangements?

Did a negative turn out to be a positive?

Has been the making of my son, he has met his tribe, found a girlfriend, loves the food in halls and generally has a good life/work balance, depends what you study, he’s doing history at Oxford.

DD graduated last year in MFL and has stayed in Oxford to complete a one-year certificate and now a one-year maternity cover role. She met people in her first week through accommodation who are her close friendship group now, including her fiancé. She took up new sports, continued with music and went to two balls. She found the academic pace tough but always kept up, and hated her year abroad but stuck with it. She was state educated until sixth form then went to a private school on a scholarship.

DDs course has a lower workload than mine had years ago, about 1/3 less so not sure its true workload is higher than it used to be. I don't know any in DDs friend group there and at Cambridge who feel pressured and I know DD says her and her friends are living the dream. If you absolutely want to be certain of a First then you need to work more but if you are happy with a 2:1 then its no more than a full-time job with a lot of holiday, at least for DD. Whether Cambridge is more full on, not sure, would have thought similar but the ones I have seen having issues online have all been science based but hard to tell on a small sample base. There's only 1% dropout so its low relative to most universities but attracts much more publicity.

There's a lot of hype around ooh, Oxbridge is SO hard and you'll enjoy it so much more elsewhere where it's less pressured. It's comforting to hear if you don't get in to Oxbridge.

FWIW I have one at a top-10 Oxbridge reject destination who is having a good time socially but found the academic experience deeply disappointing, d because they get so little decent teaching or academic challenge. I have another at Oxford who adores everything about it - yes, they work very hard but they have a great time too. I wish my first child had gone to Oxbridge because their sibling is having an infinitely better uni experience academically and probably socially too. I don't think the difference would be so marked in the sciences (at least I hope not) but in arts/humanities it's huge. It makes me sad.

There was far more mental health issues at DDs schools than at Oxford by a long way. There were off the charts at school after lockdown.

My DD loved Cambridge - made some great lasting friendships including her boyfriend. Then they both got jobs in that area so they are still there. She didn’t really do much by way of sports and clubs as an undergrad - but joined one afterwards which she’s very involved with (plus the ‘Town’ counterpart) and has made yet more good friends.

DS just graduated from Oxford and is staying on to dp a PHD- he loves it maintained all his hobbies great friends. Not sure about the food question, why would rhat be a problem ?

Always found food fine - I would say its been excellent but depends on what school food was like before how people rate it - and there's plenty of supermarkets and cafes.

2 of my DC went to Cambridge from a state comprehensive. Both worked extremely hard ( there was no choice) but also had loads of fun and were totally at ease in their colleges. They still see the friends that they made there very frequently.

Mine hated it and came close to leaving

Interested to read a couple of comments on here about Cambridge possibly feeling more pressurised than Oxford? I had thought it might possibly be the other way round as Oxford has collections at the start of each term? @ofteninaspin interesting point about the rankings within subject cohort at Cambridge adding pressure. Does Oxford not do this at all?

I have had 2DC at Oxford in the last few years, one is still there and I’ve never heard about ranking within your subject. A contemporary of my DC One had a friend at Cambridge who was ranked, I believe it’s particularly common in Maths where they are ranked across the whole year group.

My 2DC had completely different experiences at Oxford, the eldest found it harder to settle but that was due to other issues and I think would’ve been the same at other universities. It was more lack of work structure rather than too much work pressure. They’ve ended up with some great friends and enjoyed the teaching once they settled.

DC2 has had an absolutely amazing time. They’re just going into their final fourth year. They work hard, have rowed in the Uni Squad, been captain of a college sports team and managed to party quite a lot as well. They’ve made lovely friends..still aiming for a first.

It says here Cambridge have stopped the rankings and Oxford has also stopped the Norrington Table.

https://www.varsity.co.uk/comment/29859

DD is aware of what others got in her college but think that's just as they discuss it and some have won prizes.

My cousin, from the North and a left-ish upper working class background, had an utterly miserable time in the early 2000s, spent her whole time trying to fit in and feeling underpowered, never met anyone she genuinely felt comfortable with.

It was still heavily dominated by upper middle class English people and whatever they say, I doubt that has changed much. I imagine (but happy to be proved wrong) that an unrepresentative segment of the state school cohort have come from catchments where housing is expensive and therefore self-selecting, or superselective grammars.

ETA: my point is that 'coming from state school' is very variable - and most people here talking about their state school children will have given their children a good facsimile of a private school education, such that their children have a very similar confidence and social ease. Really, they're of the same class as private school children, but without the money. If they're from 'bohemian poor' London families, for eg, they will be totally at ease wherever they go, including Oxbridge.

A child who is not from a 'fashionable' or high achieving state school might well have a very different experience, especially in the Humanities.

I think the intake has changed quite a bit over time though does vary by college and subject but the majority are now state and the most any college has private is roughly 50%. When I went in the 1990s my college was 80% public /private school, 20% state school and only 20% female and those 20% were almost all state. There was a link with a London very high fees school which someone from it said had 25% of the whole college places.

I came from a deprived comprehensive but had a right wing family (Dad worshipped Mrs Thatcher and both parents obsessed with avoiding communists), only 10% did A levels, 5% of girls pregnant pre 16, 30% unemployment in local area and I could fit in fine. But then there seemed to be almost no state school boys at my college at least. I knew a girl from another school who was very left wing who struggled to integrate but she would do things like interrupt cinema shows and lecture about Nazis. I did find Oxford at the time was too posh for me for PPE and went to Cambridge which was more down to earth. DD has been to several schools, all state, but has been brought up mixing with children from other backgrounds which definitely helps. Her subject is private dominated - about 25% are UK state but this is as there's international students for her subject as well as a higher private intake. Most subjects state are now the majority. Some are posher state schools but not all by any means. I think they do need to go with an open mind re other backgrounds giving others the benefit of the doubt but certainly both DD and I had no issue making friends there.

@OneZanyCat I remember seeing that article now (DC at Cambridge). However rankings are still being provided online with exam results - my DC certainly got theirs this July in their 2nd year exams and I’ve seen many 2026 graduates posting rankings on LinkedIn. At least the whole thing is no longer put up publicly!

DS had a brilliant time - kept up his hobbies, made new life long friends, joined a band. Actually had to be told he had to work harder! Someone else I know had such a good time at Oxford and was so involved in extra-curricula activities that despite being brilliant he only got a third.

Your EHCP can say a lot but has the college been given the right amount of funding to provide the 1:1. Firstly you must speak to the college and then of they raise the fact the support hasn’t been funded that’s one for the council. Why not online home ed?

Wrong thread!

I can't ask DD as it's "too early" for her. However, some subject options at C within NatSci have limited lab space and cap the number of students in their 3rd year cohort (I think, maybe it's 4th year). The top 40 students in the 2nd year exam who opt for it are those who get the places. This is clearly communicated to students and is an incentive to get as high up the rankings as possible if that's what you want to do.

Yes, this is so true about many when they said their DC went to a 'comp'. Our local comp's top set is miles ahead of many of the grammars and have a good intake to Oxbridge. Being in the top set at a school with a wide range of abilities means they are treated really rather well by the teachers and the kids tend to keep to themselves. Should add, yes, it's a leafy London suburb where parents (doctors, CEOs etc) of these kids could all afford private if they wanted to but know they will get a good education and not be judged as harshly on admittance to uni (contextual due to school having a super wide range of abilities so % wise many don't go on to higher education).

My daughter absolutely loved her first year - friends and constant parties and new experiences and wierd clubs - she worked reasonably hard and got a first as well (non onerous subject for first years). She has delightful friends and they’ve been in and out each others lives all summer. I went to Oxbridge and had a very good time too though not as brilliant as she is having.
re state schools - the vast majority (all but one?) of her friends have gone to grammars or high achieving comprehensives but they all seem to have very high earning professional parents - certainly posher and wealthier than our single parent set up (though my daughter went to private school).

The courses have always been very intense which brings a lot of pressure and I manage a few Oxbridge graduates who say that has not changed. It works best if the student is at a college which fits for their personality so they have their tribe, are extremely able and like their subject a lot so the reward of enjoying the work is there for the intensity.

The same article says “This was part of a report that, in light of a growing mental health crisis, criticised a ‘culture of overwork’ at the institution” which I think suggests the pressure across the university is real.