Unplanned year out - anyone been through this?

[ChildrenOfAlbionRovers]

Please be gentle with me whilst I seek the comfort of strangers.

I posted about this under a different username, changed lest DS sees this. To summarise briefly: DS got his firm university place but decided to 'trade up' as a slightly more prestigious uni in his subject was unexpectedly in clearing. He now massively regrets what he did and is freaking out, and of course his original university cannot reinstate the place he declined.

He is also worried because his grades (ABB) are fractionally below what his target universities usually accept, so if he reapplies in the autumn there is no guarantee he'll get an offer. He could go back through clearing next year, of course, but his target unis are frequently not in clearing (they had unexpectedly low demand this year, but we can't predict next year, of course).

I know it's his own fault, but this last week has been a total shitshow, and seeing him so unhappy has me in ruins.

DS is now considering a year out, but of course we have no plans for this. He could maybe do a 1-year A-level online in something he's interested in without too much pressure, work on his language and programming skills, volunteer, find some paid work (not much around, would be retail or something maybe).

Sorry for long post. Anyone been through an unplanned year out? How did you go about helping your DC to structure things? Any advice? I feel lost here, tbh.

TIA.

What up with the new uni? Maybe he's not ready. Both my DDs did gap years - neither were ready to go straight from school to university.

If he's actually got a place, why can't he go to the prestigious university? It sounds like a great opportunity.

Yes, a slightly different situation but plans for an apprenticeship didn't work out.
He decided to get a job, got a Christmas contract at Tesco who kept him on.
He decided to have a crack at uni and got an unconditional offer so was well ahead of the game, eg got first choice halls.
The job at Tesco has been invaluable as they allow students to transfer between their home store and the a store in uni city. So he's had steady work in all holidays throughout his 3 years. Now going on to do a Masters.
I think the year out did him the world of good ,- he grew up a lot, liked earning his own money, was able to get his driving licence and with some help from me buy his first car.

Yup you’ve missed out why he doesn’t want to take up the place at prestigious uni?

Well, yeah, he has a place and could still go. It's a well-respected course but he hates the city, which is pretty rough, and doesn't think he could live there for 4 years. @Cerulianskystonight - I think this whole fiasco does indeed show that he's maybe not ready. He is one of the youngest in his year and not the most mature 18-year-old in some ways.

Which university is it that he is worried about being near a "rough" city? If it's a campus university it tends to be a bit of a campus bubble anyway. Or is he worried that the campus is rough too? I'm suspecting it's Warwick...

Was this CS? Apols if not. But either way I agree witb PPs, he made the decision to change, maybe he should go with that. Can get interrogate why he is regretting it? If it is the thread I saw, the trade up sounded good.

It's Southampton. The campus looks ok, bit dilapidated, but facilities for DS's subject are good. As a clearing applicant, he is very likely to be offered accomodation several miles off campus in the city centre, we are waiting to hear about this.

@Clary - yes, it's CS. We are encouraging him to go down there again for a couple of days to take a look around before he makes a final decision.

I suspect he’s just panicking about the change. Lots of people love Southampton! It seems mad to gamble away that place, and potentially a waste of a year if he doesn’t really have a plan.

I’m not an expert, but I think there’s a point in the first term that you can leave before you’re eligible for some/ most of the fees.

I think he should go, and if he really hates it drop out at that point.

I wouldn't describe Southampton as 'rough' (it is my local city).
With 2 unis my perception is there is a lot there for students, with pretty good public transport, buses and trains.
Even if he was a bit out of the way for the first year he could move closer for the second year.

I grew up near Southampton, it's not as bad as plenty of other uni cities! These days the shops and leisure are way better too. There's loads going on, it's a really well respected uni, lots of great places to visit on the doorstep if he's so inclined. Buses are good between uni and town.

There's no right or wrong but in these shoes I'd tell him to go tbh. Is his reluctance to do with not having got his head round that option in advance, if he had always imagined being at the other uni? If he doesn't know the city well I just wonder how he can be so set against it?

@EmeraldDreams73 - yes, I think the very last-minute nature of all this has really thrown him (and us). Yes, he definitely had a very strong image of himself at the original uni, and felt a real wrench in declining it, and the whole thing has just panicked him more than a bit.

There is no accommodation "miles" away from the campus. There are literally 1000s of students living in the city centre & There are probably more students than locals having nights out in the area.

Southampton has an excellent reputation for CS & he's incredibly lucky to have been offered a place. What was his original firm?

I’ve heard nothing but good stuff about Southampton Tbf. Get yourself down there for a visit asap. Be tactical though , do your research in advance and take him to places he’s likely to like. Favourite restaurant etc.

I'm laughing at the idea of it being rough. Last night I walked from the station to Mayflower Halls well past my bedtime without feeling at all anxious.

Yes, DS took 2 unexpected years out.
1 after A levels as he didn't get an offer from the Uni he wanted, and also as it was 2020. Another after Graduating when his job offer kept getting put back.
In 2020, he took 2 local jobs, and did at least 1 online course in programming.
After graduating, he took a full time job in our local pub, saved up, then went travelling!
At first DS was dissappointed, but he focused on writing a killer personal statement to reapply to Uni.
I used to think Gap years were a waste of time, but I think that year gave DS lots of confidence and people skills.

@HewasH2O - his original firm was Exeter. The city centre seemed quite far from the campus when we visited - 30 mins on the bus / an hour to walk? Lucia Foster Welch halls seemed particularly far, but perhaps that's just a newcomer's perception.

Apologies to the locals on here: by "rough" I didn't mean intimidating, more just a bit run-down. DS isn't massively sheltered, having attended sixth form in inner Birmingham, he just didn't like the look/vibe of the city on our (admittedly very brief) visit.

@Ted27 and @KathySeldon - thank you both, it's lovely to hear about your DC making a really good go of a year out. I think DS is desperate to go to uni, but whether he's really ready is another question...

University is what you make of it, OP. Your son needs to be a bit less picky- all cities have some rough areas, but he'll make friends with other students and it really won't matter. If the course is good, he'd be crazy to turn it down.

I definitely think your instinct that part of this is because hrs just too young/immature is sensible and I’d encourage the gap.
He doesn’t need fancy gap plans from get go.
Some volunteering for structure - our local libraries ask for volunteers for coding or Lego clubs it’s advertised on council website, lots of volunteer opportunities on there.
Try and get a job. McDonalds can be a good option for teen lads.
Would something like camp America appeal? They are recruiting for summer 27. They’ll have fairs in all big cities in next couple of months. It’s not all outdoorsy they recruit all sorts of skills.
If he has friends off to uni good chance to visit them and see what might suit him. Go to open days.

My DD has secured halls right in Southampton centre through clearing. She's delighted!

There's lots to be excited about with Southampton - proximity to the water, and the New Forest. It seems like there's a great uni life. The city is fine. He should seriously consider giving it a go.

I'm from Cornwall, so Southampton was a culture shock when I moved there many years ago! It's a lot more diverse as a city & campus than Exeter.

The city isn't pretty as it was bombed flat in WW2, but there is a lot of open space at the Common & city centre parks. The New Forest is minutes away and it takes 80 minutes to get to London. I work with a lot of grads from the university many of whom actively decide to stay in the area. It can't all be bad!

It's unlikely that your DS will get a similar offer for CS next year, but there's no point in taking the place this year if he's already decided it's not for him. Clearing used to be a last resort, now it encourages YP to make rash decisions which can contribute towards imposter syndrome. I hope he finds somewhere he thinks will suit him.

@ChildrenOfAlbionRovers there must have been something strong to make him reject the previous firm - he needs to focus on that. What is the situation wrt accommodation? when will he find out?

If he has something concrete to consider – living in xyz halls, close to the uni/city/gym – then that may help him focus. I would encourage him to remember why he chose S'ton and seriously consider taking up the place.

I agree with a PP – uni is what you make it. Not everyone ends up at their "dream" uni but it's a mistake IMO to think like that. All unis have so much to offer and this one is no different.

Is it a good idea to not do maths for a year? A lot of maths courses don’t like this and CS is maths really! He needs to stand by his decision and go. It’s a more of a science uni than Exeter and perfectly decent for students.

I agree UCAS is encouraging rash decisions though.

There are so many sensible posts on this thread. He has a difficult decision to make. Would actually writing out a pros and cons list so that he can see it in front of him perhaps help?