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Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

DD disappointing A Level results. Need advice!

33 replies

Fatcish · 17/08/2024 11:31

So DD was predicted AAB. Lots of issues, boyfriend dramas, lack of work in Y13 means she got CCD. I'm so disappointed for her. She did not get her first or insurance Uni place.

I've been nothing but supportive and encouraging so far but at some point we need to have the reality check chat about what next. Her plan so far seems to be take a place in clearing locally but can't say why. I think we both know its to be near her boyfriend. He's OK but no ambition.

Help what do I say to her??

OP posts:
Bertielong3 · 17/08/2024 11:33

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

atotalshambles · 17/08/2024 11:37

Had a few friends when doing A levels who were very similar - got boyfriends and had lots of fun. Some decided to re-take and got the grades they needed for the course they wanted, another friend decided to train as a nurse rather than re-take for medicine and is now very senior and earns more than a consultant. I think you need to have a chat with them about what they want to do going forward. I would absolutely not make any plans just to be near her boyfriend - if the relationship is going to last then it is important that both are able to do 'their own thing' for a few years. I think it is worth looking at what career she is interested in and then working backwards to see how she can work towards it She will look back and regret her choices if she sacrifices her opportunities for a boy.

deviantfeline · 17/08/2024 11:51

Not sure this helps as it was 20 years ago.
I got CCC and didn't get my uni places. The one I wanted was at my boyfriend's uni. As it happened we broke up shortly after (not because of that but because 18 year olds do)
I knew it wasn't the best I could do so I retook one a level and did an additional A level in a year and restarted the whole process. Worked part time while living at home at racked up a bit of savings.
Chose another university. Another degree. I'm actually glad it happened! It was without doubt the making of me. Another year older. A bit more time to decide and the realisation I could be great.
If it helps I'm now a partner in a law firm (degree wasn't law but did my GDL and LPC)

pitterypattery00 · 17/08/2024 11:54

Firstly, don't panic - easier said than done, but it's definitely not the time to be making rash decisions.

A degree is a huge investment financially and time wise, and most people only ever do one undergraduate degree. So it's important for your daughter to choose carefully. And it's important to only undertake it at a time that she knows she is ready to fully commit to it. She has to be honest with herself about what went wrong during her A levels and if she's ready to focus on a degree. For some people, uni at 18 suits, but for others it's a few (or many) years later. I teach at a university and some of my strongest students are the 'mature' ones - I had an outstanding 28 year old first year student last year.

Agree with PP that she should think about what type of career appeals to her and work backwards from there. And if she isn't sure then no problem to take time. I know too many people who studied anything for the sake of going to uni and then realised a few years later what they wished they had studied.

Littletreefrog · 17/08/2024 11:55

If she wants to be near her boyfriend she will not be motivated enough to resit the A levels to get a place at a Uni where she has to live away.

What degree does she want to do and what does she want to do afterwards? Some degrees it really doesn't matter which uni you get them from and some career paths might be better through an apprenticeship rather than a degree anyway.

AquaFurball · 17/08/2024 11:55

Is she disappointed? Has she accepted that she got the grades she deserved?

If she hasn't accepted responsibility there isn't anything you can say.

KevinDeBrioche · 17/08/2024 11:58

Very common. DH flunked A levels, retook and is now a professor in his chosen field. I got less than anticipated but luckily my first choice still took me, however it made me absolutely determined to ' prove myself' and I ended up with a first and then a distinction in my masters.

Give her a bit of time - it's when we don't get what we want that we find out who we really are.

deviantfeline · 17/08/2024 12:04

Meant to say my retake and extra a level resulted in 2 grade A. My CV now says AACC

There's no shame in an extra year. Certainly with a bit of work experience too employers love that.

Don't panic. Don't suggest she go for the only option now.

herecomesthesunyes · 17/08/2024 12:08

We had this. Part due to not doing enough work, part due to panic.

He took a gap year, worked and travelled. Reset and had a breather. Also spent some time with family abroad.

He got a foundation place in clearing, was able to defer it and starts next month. Hopefully with a bit more work ethic and maturity. 🙏 The foundation option is good as it’s supportive and helps with study skills.

RandomMess · 17/08/2024 12:15

You can tell her you aren't supportive of her going through local just to stay local. After all that means you financially supporting her.

You could tell her that she needs to work and save for the next year and reapply. She may still stay local BUT she will have matured, have some savings and the relationship may or may not still be.

ButtonNoses · 17/08/2024 12:16

Hi OP, I know it doesn’t sound like it now but it’ll be ok. I also got CCD at A-Level after being predicted AAA! My parents broke up during that time and I had an abortion so it’s kind of understandable.

Anyway, I ended up going through clearing and went to university, got a first, then did my masters and PHD. Now I’m a student recruitment manager for a university too! So I know this feeling very well.

id consider clearing, it’s not the end of the world.

Justrelax · 17/08/2024 12:16

Ah don't let her dive into any old degree through clearing just cos it's local.

I'm in my 40s and still paying off my student loan on a degree I applied for through clearing for similar reasons. It's a very, very long time to pay back something that ends up being a bit pointless.

Rollergirl11 · 17/08/2024 12:17

AquaFurball · 17/08/2024 11:55

Is she disappointed? Has she accepted that she got the grades she deserved?

If she hasn't accepted responsibility there isn't anything you can say.

Absolutely this. Does she accept the reason why she got what she did? Does she actually still want to go to uni? What will the boyfriend be doing?

noblegiraffe · 17/08/2024 12:17

Don't talk about retaking the year unless you know that's an option. My school would not allow it, for example.

Baital · 17/08/2024 12:22

RandomMess · 17/08/2024 12:15

You can tell her you aren't supportive of her going through local just to stay local. After all that means you financially supporting her.

You could tell her that she needs to work and save for the next year and reapply. She may still stay local BUT she will have matured, have some savings and the relationship may or may not still be.

This.

If her boyfriend is her current priority then there is no point taking on the expense of a degree. Better to take some time out and get a job. University (or retakes, even if that means a college not school) will wait until she is ready to commit to her studies.

Leanmeansmitingmachine · 17/08/2024 14:14

Wow, that’s very disappointing. I’d suggest she have a do-over, not just settle for some shit degree she’s not into through clearing.

Original poster
Fatcish · 17/08/2024 14:22

Just a quick thank you for all the fantastic advice so far. Lots to take in and think about how I broach the chat with her. Apologies I am working today so my replies will be slow.

In regards to her taking responsibility for the situation. No I don't think she has yet. Which is a worry.

OP posts:
Hummock · 17/08/2024 14:24

I'd say well done on passing your A levels. I would cheer her up by looking up her course on clearing and seeing what the options are but I wouldn't put her under any pressure. There are some good vocational courses at top unis with those UCAS grades. It all depends what your dd's course choice is.

I would gently mention the potential drawbacks of revolving too much round bf.

After that its up to her to decide whether to go to uni, resit, get a job or get an apprenticeship.

InandOutlander · 17/08/2024 14:25

Has she found and taken a place through clearing? She needs to be quick since it's been open and most places filled on Thursday

Lincoln24 · 17/08/2024 14:29

The problem with suggesting she retakes is this is only going to be successful if she really wants to do it. It's not easy: her friends will be onto the next stage, she might not know anyone, she'll feel the pressure to do better than last time. It's a good option for some but I don't know if it's for her.

PensivePencil · 17/08/2024 14:31

Just on resitting - lots of ibis don’t accept recent grades (or didn’t, maybe that has changed) so watch out for that. I did resit but still went through clearing and went to a local uni, it was great but I’m always still a bit gutted about my a level results. Defo taught me a life lesson though!

Andwegoroundagain · 17/08/2024 14:34

It may be worth her considering a degree apprenticeship as an option

Littletreefrog · 17/08/2024 14:54

Andwegoroundagain · 17/08/2024 14:34

It may be worth her considering a degree apprenticeship as an option

Degree apprenticeships are highly sought after and very difficult to get they are not the fall back for people who dodnt get their predicted A levels.

Mischance · 17/08/2024 15:02

The boyfriend is her current priority - you cannot make university her top priority.

All my DDs finished up apart from their bfs in order to go to the uni of their choice and it strengthened their relationships, having to deal with hardship and distance, BUT ..... they were very committed to doing their degrees, as were their bfs.

This is not the case with your DD atm and you cannot engineer that unfortunately. She must do her own thing.

Scarydinosaurs · 17/08/2024 15:12

Practical advice - go for a drive/walk so you’re not in the awkward ‘making eye contact’ stage.

Ask her what she wants to do in the next year: resit or go to university. Talk about both options.

Then long term goals: does she have an idea of industry/level she wants to aim for.

Talk about what she wants her life to be like…travel, type of work, etc

Then pull it back to today: will her choice best fit that?

Then get her to reflect on the year/lead up. What does she feel like she’s learned from doing her A-levels?