Should parents or dc contact the universities?

[Watermelon999]

…… regarding admissions information, course information or general enquiries, eg about accommodation?

I have tried to ask this on the WIWIKAU facebook page but it has been rejected, not entirely sure why!

I have been advising dd to contact them herself (being nearly an adult) but it seems many parents do it for their dc? Obviously I may be able to explain things more clearly, which could be more productive in the long term, and I don’t want dd to be disadvantaged. But on the other hand, I want to promote independence.

does it seem a bit odd if parents do it for them or do universities expect this?

The student, obviously. Your dd is not going to be disadvantaged in any way if you don't contact admissions. ETA: I've seen many an academic on here complaining about parents contacting them to sort issues out, when it should be the (adult) child.

She should do it herself unless she’s unable.
Once she’s at uni, all communication will be with her, nothing to do with you.

I would let your son or daughter do it, but if they find it hard to know what to write or how to phrase an email, I'd support them to write the email. One of mine is dyslexic and she writes them and I proof read them. I'm always happy to get mine to take the lead with things, but you can help make sure they have the skills to communicate well and give them a bit of moral support along the way.

That’s what I thought but there seems to be so many on there who do it for their dc.

And therefore there are loads of teenagers/ young adults who simply can’t cope with life!

@Fluffywhitecloudsinthesky has the best advice. Support your son/daughter in contacting the university via email.

Yep. We suggested this when DD was working out which A levels to take when she was in yr 11, she got some very nice helpful responses from admissions tutors.

I read dd's personal statement when she applied to Uni and helped her edit it but after that, it was all down to her.

She's in her 2nd year and has found her own accommodation for both 1st and 2nd year, checked anything she needed to know about the course before starting etc.

I'm just the chequebook.

We run a middle course here. My son has ASD and some other issues.

He researched the universities and courses. I rang Admissions because he was a few ucas points shorts to ask about contextual offers. I dismissed the ones who were unhelpful.
I arranged a private visit to one which he loved and didnt want to see any of the others.
He completed the UCAS form himself, I helped a bit with the statement.
He’s done pretty much everything else himself, finance, accommodation, house share for next year.

I did sit in with his interview for disabled students allowance as he finds it hard to articulate where he struggles.
Everything else, he will ask me for advice if he’s not sure what to do, we’ll talk it through and he does it.

The thing with WIWIKAU is that loads of the parents are very over protective. I don’t think it’s representative of the real world, where teenagers should contact uni themselves unless there’s a major reason why they can’t. I also think- perhaps controversially!- that if contacting uni/making doctors apt/ sorting out their own mountain of PLT refunds, booking train tix or whatnot are all major hurdles that cannot be overcome (clearly I’m not taking about the op here, or kids with additional needs who might require support) then they should take a year out and build their life skills first… I actually find WIWIKAU addictive because of how involved some parents are- the flat packed mince!!!

@Bibbetybobbity - omg the batch cooking they send with them back to uni!
OP - definitely the child, though it makes sense to discuss with them first what exactly they need to know and perhaps suggest a few questions they may ask for clarity or next steps needed. So often I ask 'and what did they say about X' and my kids say 'oh I didn't ask them that'! But you learn best by doing.

def encourage as much independence as possible 😊

Helicopter parenting has become a worrying epidemic - I have friends who work in HR for major corporates and they have parents phoning them to find out why their DC weren’t given job offers 😬🙄😩. How do these adults function?!

The student, obviously.

With some, you might have to support / prompt / help them to a greater extent that with others, but if they can't do a remote enquiry about a course, and aren't motivated to do so, then I'm going to suggest they aren't ready to be going to University in the next year or so.

Bloody hell! I hadn't heard of WIWIKAU before I read this thread so Googled it and then had a look.

I couldn't believe some of the things parents were asking. I don't remember getting that involved when dd started secondary school let alone when she started uni.

When on earth are they planning on letting their dc start working things out for themselves?

The student. Too many parents wade in and interfere.
Obviously parents should be ready to help and support- but only if help is wanted and needed.

offer to look over her emails before sending

and be involved generally in discussions

there is a middle ground here

I'd encourage her to do it, being clear she can ask for guidance if needed. If you have specific questions though especially about anything to do with money or stuff you have to provide eg for visas if applicable then that's fine for you to do and sometimes necessary - you're paying after all! It's not like eg finance or admissions are going to be running to lecturers and giving out about Watermelon999 being a helicopter parent or whatever.

I agree. This year I have noticed far more students dropping out of university in the early days than ever.

In the past I have been challenged by some of the helicopter parents because I suggested that it was our responsibility as parents to ensure that their DC can cook, wash up, know how to use a washing machine and generally learn some practical life skills before they leave home.

Far too many young people just aren't ready to go to university these days, and the schools put pressure on their students to go because it makes them look good. DD's head of 6th form wasn't impressed when she told them she was taking a gap year, but it was absolutely the best thing for her.

I would also add the caveat that there are far more young people with SEN or other needs that are at universities these days, and they do need extra support.

Oh, and the clingy mothers (it's always mothers) who can't bear the thought of their child leaving home and who sob all summer at the thought of it. Maybe I'm hard hearted, but I knew that DD was absolutely ready to fly the nest and the last thing I wanted to do was hold her back. I wonder if the helicopter parenting is teaching these young people learned incompetence so that their mothers still feel needed?

WIWIKAU is absolutely bonkers and I don’t know anybody IRL who runs their children’s lives like that. I don’t know any teens that would allow it!

I have contacted a uni with a specific question, to do with a levels, but as if I were a student. I imagine a lot of parents do that.
DC also contacted various unis later.

The student. If parents do it it makes it look like the student is pathetic.

Of course the student. It’s insane how much parents hand hold their adult kids nowadays.

As a former admissions tutor I can tell you that the admissions team do take quiet notice of who makes contact.

Everyone understands that the late Alevel years are the transition years and assumes (and hopes) that parents or other helpful adults are in the background helping DC to navigate the system. And of course pupils with special needs need extra help. All of this is expected and good.

But DC should definitely be doing as much as they can for themselves. This is one of the best ways to set them up for success at university.

Definitely the student, from the point of view they'll have to start dealing with things and making decisions themselves if away at uni. Also, they hear whatever is said to them first hand and might gain some insight into the uni/course that you hadn't picked up on.

This, and I don't mean any ill intent with the comment, but it's always the mothers!