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Higher education

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Original poster

Weekends home from university, how do you handle them?

44 replies

MiddleAgeMiddleEngland · 27/10/2014 17:38

Just wondering, really. Do you treat them like returning royalty, do you carry on as normal, do you send them back with lots of home baked goodies?

DD has been home and I tried to spoil her a bit but also had to get on with my own things as I had a busy week at work coming up. So, not able/willing to sit up until 2am chatting as I'm sure she would have liked. She did go back with some cash and a chocolate cake. DH was a bit miffed that she went off to see a friend but I don't think that's unreasonable.

I think she found the transition between her new exciting life and her possibly slightly boring home a bit hard to adjust to although she didn't complain, she's generally easy-going and grateful.

How do you handle it?

OP posts:

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 27/10/2014 17:39

We usually either take dd out for a meal, or have a takeaway. She sees her friends too, and I'd think it odd if she didn't. All she really wants is a bath though, so her 'treat' is generally some nice bubble bath.

PenelopePitstops · 27/10/2014 17:42

Dh miffed she went to see a friend. Pretty sure she's not supposed to ignore her old friends now!! She will be back more than she's away with holidays and the like, don't go mad with treats else she will expect it. But I loved the extra cash my dad would give me on a weekend at home.

secretsquirrels · 28/10/2014 09:53

DS not been home but did come away with us for a weekend. So it was a treat for us all. Mostly a treat for me to see him I think. I did drop off a load of home made food and treats for the flat.
He is hoping to get one weekend home before Christmas and will see his girlfriend one night which I don't mind.
I think she found the transition between her new exciting life and her possibly slightly boring home a bit hard to adjust to I was thinking this. Before he went away he thought he would miss his cosy home routines, now I wonder whether he will miss the constant company of other young people.

Bowlersarm · 28/10/2014 09:56

Royalty so far! I get really excited.

However, DH and I have some hectic weekends from now until Christmas, so the rolling out the red carpet will naturally have to calm down.

ISingSoprano · 28/10/2014 10:36

Ds only tends to come home for 24 hours. Usual pattern is that he arrives home early afternoon, does his washing, we chat and catch up, I cook a family favourite meal, he watches MOTD, he has a loooooong sleep, full Sunday lunch with pudding and custard (the custard bit is important) and then send him off again with a cake to take back.

MillyMollyMama · 28/10/2014 12:01

DD didn't come back! If she did it was to go to a party not to see us! Homebaked goodies? What are they? We put the petrol in her car and paid for the train fares. That's enough!

maudpringles · 28/10/2014 12:10

We have gone to dd and treated her like royalty!
Took cake, chocolate and went for a nice meal.

This competetive ' our kids dont come home/ need us business' really pisses me off- what do you want- a medal?

CantBeBotheredThinking · 28/10/2014 12:20

I think in the last 2 years at uni DD has only come home twice for the weekend once was for her baby sisters first birthday and the other was for a job interview for a work experience job for the summer. I do see her more frequently than that as she isn't too far away from her grandparents so we tend to combine the visits. Thinking about it seen her twice in the last couple of weeks and going again this weekend.

Original poster

MiddleAgeMiddleEngland · 28/10/2014 12:44

DH not seriously miffed that she saw a friend, just that having become used to her own agenda, she hadn't checked that it was at a convenient time. I would expect her to see friends, and I'm sure that at Christmas they will all go out in a big group.

DD2 is going to visit soon for the day and I will send money so they can go out for a pizza or something. I'm still happy to treat them as long as they don't expect it

Re washing (see another thread) I'm happy for her to bring it home but it's her who does it, not me. And her who forgets to check that she has taken everything back. Left 5 pairs of knickers here in the airing cupboard so I expect she's had to buy some more this week

OP posts:

secretsquirrels · 28/10/2014 12:56

MillyMollyMama We put the petrol in her car and paid for the train fares. That's enough That's sad.
It's nothing to do with money. I give him home made cake and chocolates just because I love him and it's my way of giving a little TLC from a distance.

Isthiscorrect · 28/10/2014 12:58

I would love DS to come home for the weekend. Sadly that won't be possible as we live overseas. We haven't managed to get Skype to work so I haven't even seen him:-( a friend from here was visiting London yesterday and met up with Ds to give him a gift I had sent. Ds was supposed to take a selfie for me to see. He didn't even send a thank you yesterday never mind a selfie. Very bad manners from him, I chastised him and that made me feel bad and he apologised profusely, it was his busiest day and had another friend visiting. Anyway he has sent pics now, and it's the best I will get. Yep I think it will be royalty when he gets home for Christmas. I,m already planning my baking.

outtolunchagain · 28/10/2014 13:01

This term always seems to be the on ether get run down in , ds1 struggled last year , we went up this weekend. I took a small goody bag of local treats , cheese, nice local bacon, a pork pie etc and we took him out for a slap up Sunday lunch .Just a booster really , for him and us

tipsyloolah · 28/10/2014 13:02

I think ours has really wanted it all to just be normal - she wants to see the younger ones, play with them, go shopping with me, eat things that aren't Pot Noddle , fall asleep watching Disney films, do the usual big family meal at the table.

So, while she does get some cash and things when she goes, I think she just wants to know that 'normal' is still here whenever she needs it.

Still sees her friends and goes out, but I think the main things she's missed have been the ease of home life, the food, the lazing around feeling cosy, the full fridge, the heating . . . actually, she'd move back in a flash if she could .

sablepoot · 28/10/2014 19:58

its not a competitive thing but a personality one. Some DC like to come home a lot and others don't. When mine come home (one quite often the other virtually never) they usually spend most of the weekend catching up on sleep!

RemusLupinsBiggestGroupie · 28/10/2014 20:02

Mine hasn't been home yet, and will probably come just once before Christmas. DD2 is going to stay with her tomorrow though, and dp and I will probably go for a day trip one Saturday, to take her out for lunch.

MillyMollyMama · 28/10/2014 22:39

You took what I said seriously??? It was meant to be tongue in cheek! It is nothing to do with being competitive, it is more to do with the type of child you have! She came home for parties! What is wrong with that?

Notsoskinnyminny · 29/10/2014 19:03

DD's home every other weekend to keep her part-time job after someone ballsed up her transfer. I pick her up on Thursday night, she watches the trashy programmes she's skyplussed, works 8-6 Fri - Sun. Has time for a shower after work on Sunday before I drive her back to the station at 7pm. She's usually eaten before she comes home and gets fed in work so I don't have to feed her. Besides I should charge her petrol money for all the extra mileage I do picking her up and running her to and from work and for spoiling my weekend lie ins

Theas18 · 29/10/2014 19:07

Weekends home from uni? You mean they are supposed to come home ?

Mine don't lol!

( might be because we are so dull but might be the singing fri evening and alk day Sunday ...)

fairycakes333 · 30/10/2014 11:46

My dd1 is in her final year now at uni. But I remember the first year it was very hard for us parents, emotionally we felt we were losing our dd1 with every months that passed its as though we were void of purpose. There were many times where we felt we missed her, more than she missed us, its very hard to get use to as she was only coming home 2 times a month and only for Sunday dinner??, worries of whether she would be sensible, cope, budget,have friends etc is never far from our minds. And yes they will fall out with friends and have miserable moments, But by the time she got to 2nd and 3rd year she had grown to be stronger, mature and very independent but is still humble and empathatic. We are immensely proud of her and feel blessed. Keep making her the cakes middle she will appreciate the love and reminds her of home and family. Your doing a good job :)

Littleham · 31/10/2014 13:14

Perhaps we have overdone it! We were so paranoid that she would come home all the time, as the university is quite close to us, that we suggested she stayed there for the first part of term.

She has arranged to come back for the first time for a bit of Reading Week, which is next week. Everyone is really looking forward to it.

Medge68 · 31/10/2014 13:42

Fairy cake - you've summed up a lot of what I am thinking and feeling at the moment - reassured it gets better! DD is coming home tomorrow for the 1st time - we are going down for the day and then she's coming back for a few days, didn't think she'd bother until Christmas - so feels like a bonus, but am wondering if it's going to be weird or not! We live behind the back of beyond and she's gone to a very vibrant city so the difference is huge!!! She'll probably be bored within 10 minutes!!

Original poster

MiddleAgeMiddleEngland · 31/10/2014 14:38

Medge She'll love the change! Mine has gone to a big city after growing up in a very small town. She actually came outside to help with leaf clearing as she said they smelt so nice and fresh after the city!

OP posts:

murderedinkent · 31/10/2014 14:56

I was surprised that ours wanted to come home as often as he does. I feel hesitant to ask almost, but unless he has something really special booked he is more than happy to come back from time to time. We live out in the sticks, he goes to bed early, loves seeing his room, loves having a long bath in the mornings, really appreciates the cooking and we record films that we think he might want to see and sit and watch them together in the evenings. It's only once a month on average, which is fine by me. But my goodness how expensive my food bill is for that one weekend... Not that I am buying anything unusual, just that he eats so much.

He enjoys things like cutting the hedges, moving heavy things with his dad, pruning high-up roses for me - all the things he used to have a little bit of a grump about before. He even cleans his room!

mumeeee · 31/10/2014 18:16

DD3 is about a 4 hours drive away so she doesn't come home for weekends.,In her first term last year we went to visit about a month after she had started and she came home at the Beginning of November for her Grandad's 92nd birthday party. Sadly a few weeks later she had to come home for his funeral.
This year she is not planning to come home until Christmas and doesn't expect us to go up to visit her

TinklyLittleLaugh · 04/11/2014 21:34

I remember hating it when my parents put the flags out for me and moaned about me seeing my friends, so we try to keep it pretty low key for DS. To be honest, he is only at our nearest big city about 15 miles away, so often cycles home on a Saturday, watches his football team, has dinner with us, then goes back.

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