Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Higher education

Talk to other parents whose children are preparing for university on our Higher Education forum.

Original poster

Mixed flats in uni accomodation

26 replies

stairwaytodevon · 21/07/2014 16:56

DS is going to Uni in Sepember and has sorted out his accomodation in student halls himself.
There are 2 men/boys and 1 woman/ girl sharing is this usual?He cant see a problem and if thats how it is then great.
I wonder if the parents of the girl see it that way.
They are all first years and have never met in real life but have connected on facebook.
A bit of reassurance would be appreciated

OP posts:
Bedofwool · 21/07/2014 17:14

Yes it is normal. Many students houses and uni accomodations have this arrangment. When I was at uni I shared a house with four guys. It was fine.

Bedofwool · 21/07/2014 17:16

I suppose it is part of the moving away and becoming self sufficient, learning to mix with others.
It is nice that they have 'met' before as it will be easier on the day when they meet each other and then retire to the union bar for freshers week (do they still do freshers week?)

weatherall · 21/07/2014 17:18

Yes it's normal.

And yes male Uni hall flatmates have raped their female flatmates.

I'm dreading my dd getting to this stage.

They don't even do crb checks.

Bedofwool · 21/07/2014 17:27

Most bedrooms will have a lock on them and if they don't can be easily fitted.

I never felt scared with the guys I shared with. To be honest there was so many people in and out of the house that you were always surrounded by people and at night time I locked my door.

It is something as a girl you have to be aware of and I know the uni I went to offered lectures in defence etc.

LeapingOverTheWall · 21/07/2014 17:28

DD1's house was 3 girls/9 boys - neither she nor I had any problems with it. Why on earth would anyone need a CRB check to live in uni halls Confused

titchy · 21/07/2014 17:38

Weather all I hope you realise the vast vast majority of men are not rapists.

eatyourveg · 21/07/2014 17:40

Yes normal - ds was sharing with 4 girls last year, being the only boy didn't bother him at all.

MillyMollyMama · 21/07/2014 19:41

CRB checks!? Are you serious? Students are not in a position of responsibility - all the students in the flat are equals.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 21/07/2014 19:42

Yes, it's normal.

Also - and I really don't mean this to sound horrible, it's just a horrible subject - I'm afraid that the majority of rapists are not lying in wait, hoping for some poor unfortunate woman to stray across their path. If a woman is raped, it's most likely it will be someone she's come to know and trust, someone she brings home of her own accord, not just someone who happens to have the key to her halls.

5madthings · 21/07/2014 19:45

Yes it's normal, it's good they have chatted by Fb, we just turned up and met flatmates on the day we moved in.

LRDtheFeministDragon · 21/07/2014 19:45

Sorry, I'm going to double post ... I do think the focus on rape is surprising. I didn't read the OP as hinting at it (my first thought was things like blokes deciding to wander around in boxers or her being embarrassed about tampax in the communal loo or something). But that's probably just me.

That said, my understanding is that rape at university isn't uncommon. Lots of students (male and female) imagine that rape happens down a dark alley when you walk home alone. A disturbingly high number also believe a lot of rape myths. I'm very sure your average female student is far more at risk of rape from someone who believes it's ok for him to have sex with her without her consent because he's somehow persuaded himself it's 'not rape', than she is at risk of anything else.

Looking at it in terms of who sleeps in which halls seems to me to miss the point.

5madthings · 21/07/2014 19:46

And yes bedroom doors lock or they did in my flat.

weatherall · 21/07/2014 21:44

Where do I even start with the rape myths here?

Mumsnet had a rape campaign 'we believe you', maybe some posters should check it out.

I knew of a case where this happened. It had never even crossed my mind before but afterwards I realised that it is all too common.

In my halls everyone was in and out of each other's rooms- nothing sexual, just depended on CDs/videos people had.

The case I knew in my halls was two flatmates hanging out in her room. No suggestion of any prior 'romantic' involvement. (Another rape myth there)

He raped her. Turns out he'd did it in another halls the year before and after the 'incident' he was allowed to move into another halls. even though he admitted raping her

Locks are no use against rapists who pretend to be your friend.

Rape is endemic and rapists target halls because of the attitudes her like 'she should have locked her door/learned self defence'.

titchy · 21/07/2014 22:05

Whilst what happened what clearly awful, 99% of students do not have that experience, and tbh I would think that the incidence of rape amongst students living in halls is the same as any other cross section of society.

Being a female student in a mixed hall or flat is no more risky than being a female shop assistant or other job flat sharing in town.

Original poster
stairwaytodevon · 21/07/2014 22:08

Thanks for all the replies I am glad its normal for the sexes to share,I was more concerned about what could happen each bedroom does have a lock,theres only 3 in a flat and they share bathroom and kitchen so may not be the stream of visitors that is common in larger flats but as less people things may be more relaxed . Was more concerned about issues like LDR brought up but before he goes will have a chat about being careful about privacy etc

OP posts:
LRDtheFeministDragon · 21/07/2014 22:21

titchy, I don't believe the incidence is the same as other groups of society. Sad I think far more than 1% of women students are raped while at university - after all, 1 in 4 women is raped in her lifetime, and university is three years of your life.

stair - glad you weren't so concerned about rape! Honestly, I think the myth it's scary strangers is terrible. Is it awfully rude/in any way realistic with a teenager to suggest you could have a really awkward talk with him about rape myths? This is me asking with a vested interest, because it is really, really useful when male students are ready with 'no, mate, it's not like that' replies. But this is beside the point.

Back on the subject, I bet if he and his mates do end up wandering around in boxers the girl student will soon let them know if she minds! Grin

Original poster
stairwaytodevon · 21/07/2014 22:38

Thanks she sounds as though she would brook no nonsence she has accepted to share with DS and another boy, will have the talk but as hes a teen he knows everything already.

OP posts:
LRDtheFeministDragon · 21/07/2014 22:44

Grin Didn't we all at 18?

Good luck to him with his first year!

Mindgone · 21/07/2014 23:46

My DS is really hoping for a mixed flat, as he thinks that the girls will do all the housework!! I already pity his future flatmates!!

QuinionsRainbow · 22/07/2014 11:38

DS spent his first uni year in a 7-room flat with 4M3F population. Each room had a good secure lock and its own shower/loo etc. There was a large shared kitchen/living area, with plenty of fridge and freezer storage, adequate seating and a TV, where they used to hang out when not studying! As for the girls doing the cleaning, according to DS, not only they were much more untidy/dirty/undomesticated than the boys, but they all had credit cards provided by the Bank of Mum and Dad, a luxury that the boys seemed to be deprived of.

DownByTheRiverside · 22/07/2014 11:42

Yes, it's normal and DD managed fine for all the time she was at uni, although there were some heated discussions about splitting cleaning tasks fairly.
It was the same when I went to uni in the late 70s, early 80s. One year I was the only woman, with 5 men which was our choice as we were all friends.

Heels99 · 22/07/2014 12:55

Totally normal. There were 120 in the hall of residence I was in, male and female, shared shower facilities etc. Dh was in one with 1000 both sexes. Whether 4 people or 4000 people, accommodation is likely to be mixed. And generally bathrooms are unisex and even if not they are accessible to both sexes.

What are you worried about op?

ThatWasNice · 22/07/2014 22:59

When I was 18 I moved into my student accommodation with 3 guys that I had never met. 30 years later I am still sharing with one of them DH Smile Confused

ThatWasNice · 22/07/2014 23:00

I've three DC at Uni and I can categorically confirm that it is a myth that boys are messier than girls.

AnyFucker · 22/07/2014 23:02

of course it is normal !