What to do with a gifted teen (100% in 11+)?

[silverflowers]

My dd is 14 and is very gifted but losing focus in school. She goes to a grammar school and got full marks in the entrance exam and has been in the gifted and talented scheme since she was old enough. She's predicted all 8s and 9s at gcse (straight a*s) and has always been in the top sets. But sincce starting gcse courses she's got bored because she knows she can turn up without revising and get 7s and 8s and was temporarily moved down a set whilst they tried to figure out how to motivate her.

I've got no idea what to do. She's in a school that is so pushy and academic it loses pupils to the more pastoral schools yet it's not pushy enough for her. I'm considering forking out for an extra gcse she can do online like an ou course to give her something? She's in so many sports but just loses focus in school and's stopped giving in homework. I don't know what to do with her?!

Well, when I was at school they just sent me out of school three days out of five to do extra curricular activities and workshops etc. If the school is too rubbish to organise this for her then look at your local university to see if they run any programs for teenagers (this was a large proportion of what I did but that was overseas) orewise just move her to a better school.

Or let her do whatever she wants do long as she gets straight As.

racecardriver, thanks, I'll have a look at local uni programs. I would move her but she's in the best school in the area, and although there is a similar selective school it's a big move halfway through her gcse courses and id rather not put her through that.

and she can get straight a's quite easily if she pays attention in lessons, but she's not anymore. her grades are showing the strain and even though she decided to revise for her end of year exams they were still the worst in the class. her teachers are used to her being the best and just tell her off for it but it's her choice not to focus and i can tell she's not being pushed as her teachers aren't really helping, as long as she gets a c they don't care. I'm not a pushy parent, she wasn't tutored for the 11+, i refused to give her an incentive to pass because it wasn't fair, i just told her if she got into any high school at all then i would take her out for tea. I feel like for her whole life my dd pushed herself too much and now isn't pushing herself at all, both of which aren't good.

Do you think maybe she has just plateaued for a while? I do think that the pressure of having predicted grades of 8 and 9 is very tough. My eldest has predictions of all 9s and is just going into year ten so second year of GCSE options. I know that sometimes the pressure gets to my ds. Mine is not at a grammar but at a comp and although is on the globally gifted list this means very little as the onus seems to be on them to push themselves.

Send her on a lovely friendly residential for gifted and talented children where she'll meet others like herself and have no pressure other than the pressure of being interested in whatever she's interested in.
www.giftcourses.co.uk

or call the people from there and get advice. IME academic burnout and boredom is really common. Maybe she needs a fresh perspective.

My dd sounds similar. Just turned 14, almost youngest in the year, and predicted 8s and 9s in just about everything. Doesn't appear to be exerting any effort at all to be maintaining this level of attainment. Unfortunately, she is not at a school where bright kids are particularly pushed and this time last year she seemed desperately bored and was saying that she didn't particularly like any subjects.

So we hired a tutor with the brief to make her think and give her hard stuff to do.. My dd LOVES it. They spend an hour a week talking about anything and everything, leaping from subject to subject. They don't follow a curriculum, just whatever my dd has been thinking about or expresses an interest in. It's mostly science based because the tutor has a background in science academia and just knows loads of interesting stuff. It's been brilliant. Might be worth a try?

Thank you, looking on a course or getting a tutor seems like a really good option. She does just seem to be going through a bit of an academic burnout so a tutor could really stimulate her and give her those challenges she can't get in the gcse course. I feel like the courses are so restrictive that dd can't be pushed the way she was in year 8, which for a gifted child seems to be quite boring.

At her age there are all sorts of things she can do to widen her horizons and give an extra boost to her CV. A foreign language is always good and a bright student can do a lot of the initial learning at home. I studied German at home and got to a very good level of comprehension, which has been useful in my career. There are some 10 000 languages out there, some of them incredibly complicated, so she won:t run out in a hurry.
A musical instrument would also be good if she isn't already doing one. Musical students tend to do well at uni because they have the discipline.
Any creative writing is also a good preparation for uni.
And reading widely. Literature, history, natural history, newspapers, politics.
Basically, she needs to get away from the idea that the only learning that is going to be useful in the future is what is in the curriculum or that she can get a certificate for. At her age, ANY learning is useful because it exercises her brain.
Doesn:t matter if it's reading Beowulf in the original or designing a new computer programme or playing Haydn: it all serves the same function of stretching the intellectual muscles and obviating boredom.
The students who do REALLY well at uni are the ones who are good at finding their own challenges.

What does SHE say about it? Maybe she feels that the expectation that she will perform consistently at a very high attainment level just got to her?

I have a very good friend who was highly gifted at primary school, went to a very competitive grammar school and burned out in year 10 because she did struggle, didn't know how to work hard, wasn't resilient enough and the stress got to her so much that it affected her entire life. She now works in a sector that requires very little intellectual input.

In your shoes I'd speak to my daughter first and foremost and probably seek some support for her. Giving her more and more to study might not be the answer at all, it might even be highly counter productive.

Gifted kids don't naturally plateau. They may however become so bored they finally give up trying
There is some info on gifted underachievement here.

I agree with talking to her. Taking GCSEs can seem daunting, especially if you are expected to get top grades. If she is seeing others get top grades, even more so. It may be easier to pretend top grades do not matter to you.

There is a simple equation of the more work you put in, the better your grades will be. This applies no matter where you are in the scale of genetic intelligence. So talk to her, find out what is stopping her putting in that work and encourage her forget what others are doing and just to do her best. She has another two years before GCSE so plenty of time.

Also, encourage her to learn for the love of finding out, not for the grades alone. This is the one time in their lives when they have this luxury, and if she is intelligent, she needs appreciate it and to make the most of it.

If she wanted to do something else, there are always Moocs. Try Futurelearn. There is also nothing stopping her getting a CGP book in any A level subject she fancies. However, I would prioritise her getting better GCSE grades first.

I would take a good long look at her mental health

If she's stopped handing in homework, grades are slipping etc then there is a reason -please don't assume it's lack of challenge or boredom

Personal experience of letting her do whatever she wants as long as she gets As- how about inappropriate relationship or substances? That fills the boring hours very nicely. And yes I still got the A’s. School was too easy at that time. So, no.

Parental experience. I would start looking at other sixth forms. Dd decided she needed more and applied for several, ended up with full scholarship in private school. It was a great chance to reinvent herself, she now says, as she packs for Uni. Even though your dd is in a grammar, it’s sounds like it’s not quite right for her, but it’s not a good time to move now so she has to suck it up and get those GCSEs out of the way. She should be aiming higher than 7-8, but the challenge is to keep nose to grindston right now.

If she has interest such as musical instrument drama or sports, do all you can to facilitate her to put some extra commitment in there. This has been a lifesaver for my two when school got them down.

Finally, I strongly recommend some volunteer work. It really helps your perspective at that age to see life through a different lens.

I second the voluntary work. Dd is going for the Lions club award of 100 hours service. She helps out at the children's morning at the library and at an animal welfare centre.

Yes, she does have mental health issues (anxiety and depression and's on a 10 month waiting list for therapy) so I feel like that could be playing a part. She does seem to be affected watching the other less gifted children do better than her whilst she's struggling just to turn up. Her school isn't helping, they can't seem to see the link between her mental health and poor exam results - I'm seriously considering her moving schools.

I think you might be better paying for a coach for her that will look at two things how to handle her anxiety and lack of motivation (these often go hand in hand) but also more generally life and thinking around some of the bigger things re responsibility, working hard, how to pick oneself up and move on and be motivated - mindfulness sort of stuff as well. So a more holistic approach that addresses some of her emotional needs

The school not being pushy enough is not your issue here

Can you possibly pay for some private therapy?

You are heading towards school refusal here and your daughter needs help, not more focus on her grades

It’s worrying that you have only mentioned her mental health issues later in the thread, surely they are the biggest thing you should be concerned about.

As for her lack of interest at school how about leaving her to it for a while and not worrying about her slacking and getting bored. If she is that bright it won’t matter if she underperforms at GCSE level. She will be able to pull it together for A levels and if not A levels then at Uni. I’d consider trying to encourage her to do normal fun teenage things like going out with her friends or watching Netflix. It won’t make her stupid and might help her relax. I’d also try and make sure she isn’t doing too many activities such as sports and music (I’m guessing she does music 😉).

I wouldn’t be considering getting tutors or giving her more things to do. I think the money would be better spent on therapy or something to help with her mental health.

Sorry about typos etc

v difficult to reconcile this post with your other one about wanting a scholarship to Westminster?

A demotivated, anxious child entering year 10 in a very pushy grammar school just has alarm bells ringing? Changing schools at this stage would be v disruptive though.

What does she think in all of this? If she genuinely wants to aim for a scholarship for he next stage then it sounds like she does have some motivation/direction left?

Just looked at your other threads. I think you need to concentrate on her mental health and stop worrying about her giftedness. Is she your only child?

Agree With pp. You need to put her mh issues and wellbeing ahead of academic aspirations for the timebeing. Preparing for a highly competitive entry 6th form is not what she needs right now. What does she want out of education right now? Maybe she was a natural strong performer previously but has not developed an effective work method and application of skills while others have. Has she ever seen an EdPsych to evaluate her strengths and identify any possible barriers? If you are considering Westminster presumably you have some funds which could be used to access private assessments and therapy if needs be.

My son got full marks in his 11plus and found school easy so we encouraged him to do subjects that challenged him - art and pe and we also helped him get a job. It's worked very well so far. Get the focus of grades and onto personal accomplishment and positive attitude.

Carole Dweck is a genius, read that book.