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Original poster

Has anyone got any experience of freaky sleep disorders? (and if not, will you just sympathise with me as i keep getting kicked out of bed)

41 replies

Boco · 05/09/2007 19:04

Dp was diagnosed a couple of years ago with REM sleep behaviour disorder. It means that as soon as he enters dream sleep, he can't shut off the bit of his brain that stops him moving - so if he's running in his dream, his legs are thrashing around. It's characterised by long and very violent dreams - so dp is always fighting burglars and doing karate

2 nights ago for some reason he was attacked by jack nicholson. He booted him in the arse. Unfortunately in real life it was my arse and it hurt. It would be funny if it wasn't alarming and often painful. I've been kicked and punched out of bed so many times - and once a pillow held over my face - he used to have to sleep on the floor when i was pg - and still ends up there alot.

He was prescribed a drug to control it which made him unable to function during the day, and eventually that made him ill - so he's stopped taking them. He's been better for nearly a year, but gradually over a few weeks its back. It seems to me it could be related to stress as he hates his job atm.

There are no other drug options. I don't know what else to do, it's hard to sleep when you're waiting for it - i hate that he ends up on the floor - i guess separate beds are the only option.

I know its a fairly rare condition but any other experiences would be good?

OP posts:

SpacePuppy · 05/09/2007 19:09

had a boyfriend with this, only they called it night terrors. He used to dream he was in combat and would move furniture around, tip beds over kick doors in, the only way was to switch the light on and hope he wakes soon. Sorry, as far as I know he didn't take anything for it, but he believed that a beer at night made him sleep better. (I didn't stick around long enough to find out).

Original poster

Boco · 05/09/2007 19:12

Oh dear

OP posts:

IntergalacticWalrus · 05/09/2007 19:14

Oh Boco, poor you.

I have absolutely no idea tbh, biut I dind;t want to ignore you

Original poster

Boco · 05/09/2007 19:19

Thanks IW

Maybe it'll just go away this time [hopeful]

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saggarmakersbottomknocker · 05/09/2007 19:23

Oh poor you Boco. I think you're right in that it's probably worsened by stress. I know that I have some very strange nights when I'm stressed.

What can help him relieve is stress (apart from packing in his job) Does he do any exercise? Does he have a drink in the evenings?

saggarmakersbottomknocker · 05/09/2007 19:23

his stress

Original poster

Boco · 05/09/2007 20:03

Saggar he tends to drink more the more stressed he is - not drunkenly bad - just wine but more frequently. I don't know if that's ok, i tend to be slightly anxious about it because i know it means he's stressed.

Exercise is a good one - i think that might help - he does rock climbing but we live in the flattest place in england. He's going away on his own to climb soon though - i'm sure that'll help.

The thing is, the think i worry about when this comes back, is that it can be early onset of parkinsons disease. At the sleep clinic they mentioned that, but as he's only 34 said that it wouldn't be for 12 years or so before they'd know. It's just a niggle. It probably isn't - usually i don't think about it, only when it gets worse and is every night.

OP posts:

TnOgu · 05/09/2007 20:30

Oh, Boco.

I have nothing to add except heaps of sympathy.

FrannyandZooey · 05/09/2007 20:32

Boco I am so sorry to hear this. I have no experience of this at all, but I would say I would absolutely get separate beds asap. People seem to think that a couple sharing a bed together is absolutely sacred and must never be disrupted, but there are many families for whom it doesn't work, for whatever reason. There are lots of ways to spend time together physically other than this and I am sure I don't need to spell them out - but for instance you could have a cuddle / chat in bed together at night before one of you goes to another bed to sleep, and the same in the morning.

I am very sorry for both of you. And sorry but I did LOL at Jack Nicholson's arse

Desiderata · 05/09/2007 20:34

I've seen a programme on this, Boco. I appreciate that this is a pretty shallow beginning to a post , but there was a kind of solution, if I recall correctly.

Alcohol isn't the trigger. This is a disorder of the brain. Sorry, I'm not being much help, but I do remember being engrossed by the programme at the time.

How much research have you do so far?

EllieK · 05/09/2007 20:35

i have narcolepsy, i go to the clinic at papworth where they treat all this, is that where he went Boco?

ShinyHappySchmooo · 05/09/2007 20:36

There was a programme on the tv on this (think of BBC4) a few months ago and they documents different suffers being treated with several different treatments. (They filmed couples at night going through what you two are, Boco.)

Some of them improved after being referred to particular specialists. Sorry I don't remember more - I expect you've googled already?

ShinyHappySchmooo · 05/09/2007 20:36

Oooh sorry Desi.. see you saw it too; missed your post.

Desiderata · 05/09/2007 20:38

Never apologize to me, shineygirl

EllieK · 05/09/2007 20:38

It was on BBC2 at about 10pm, and was filmed at Papworth

TooTicky · 05/09/2007 20:40

Oh Boco.
Dp used to be really odd at night. Lots of shouting and throaty snoring and sitting bolt upright. Also falling asleep at the drop of a hat, even on occasion when standing up (and whilst driving which was excruciatingly awful and the biggest reason for me learning to drive).
The point being, he improved drastically when he gave up his full time job and started his own business working from home. I think overtiredness was part of the problem.
I'd also recommend homoeopathy, because I always do but it is fab.

I think you need to sleep in separate beds though, at least for the time being, as this is really not good for you.

ArtistFormerlyKnownAsSOH · 05/09/2007 20:40

Gosh you could be describing my dh. When we met he was terrible- the worst night being when he raised himself up on one arm and punched me full in the face with the other- and dh has a black belt in karate so can pack a punch! One black eye and a broken nose later... He tried to strangle me, hit me regularly, kicked, shouted, wrestled etc and he was always dreaming about fighting.

He very, very rarely does it now and I think it's a combination of things. Stress is definitely the biggest factor and when he was in a stressful job he hated it came back with a vengeance. He was mid a levels when we met and failing, consequently very unhappy. Alcohol made it so much worse too. He is tee-total now and it's very rare that he's violent in his sleep. He also took up triathlon which helps enormously. Not sleeping well didn't help. If he was exhausted he was less likely to do it as he slept very well.

I don't know if any of this helps. Could he change jobs? Channel his energies elsewhere? I know how flat East Anglia is so it's less rock climbing, more crawling. And, not that you want to know, DH tries to reenact entirely different activities in his sleep now. Chez ShowOfHands I no longer have black eyes but dh gets quite a dig in the ribs at his most amorous.

Waaaaaay tmi!

ArtistFormerlyKnownAsSOH · 05/09/2007 20:42

Same as TooTicky here too- dh falls asleep in seconds at the worst times- while driving, standing in queues, mid-sentence. This also improved when he changed to a better and happier job.

ShinyHappySchmooo · 05/09/2007 20:43

(already have I feel Desi.. well I you.. .. and never was such a beautiful MN friendship been built on shakier foundations, LOL)

Desiderata · 05/09/2007 20:51

How true, Shiny ... and how hilarious, really

So, Boco, Boco, poor both of you. Yes, I think separate beds for the moment, don't you? But plenty of cuddles on the sofa/settee (whichever you prefer)!!

Keep experimenting with different therapies. The brain is highly capable of re-wiring itself given the right stimulus.

And the best of luck for tonight!

Original poster

Boco · 05/09/2007 21:34

Thanks for your replies. Just been chatting to dp about it - told him that it's getting too stressful now and he's agreed to go back to the doctor tomorrow.

Yes, it was the Papworth he went to - he had to sleep there overnight withe electrodes on his head and they videoed him - and the film showed him lying down with arms and legs moving constantly, and the odd punch and kick. That was 2 years ago though - he goes back every 6 months. It's been better for ages and i'd hoped that was it.

Separate beds i'm beginning to see is going to have to happen - i just don't like it - and in my tiny house it'd have to be 2 single beds and then i'd feel like my gran. It's just not how i want it to be!

ArtistFormerly - that does sound the same! It's so horrible isn't it. After i've been punched or kicked the whole of the next day i'm shaken by it - and i can't be angry with him because he's asleep, and he feels terrible about it.

He did karate too, so can do some impressive moves. Someone stole something from him in a dream last week and he punched me - luckily missed my face and got my shoulder, but it was such a horrible way to be woken up.

I'm just anxious because last time this got worse and worse - and the medication he was on meant he wasn't coping and was depressed - and he ended up having a breakdown and spending weeks in a psychiatric hospital and then off work for months. I know we're not at that point yet, but it was sudden and i'm worried thats where we're heading again.

Anyway, i'm glad i started this because it made me talk to him and he's agreed to talk it all through with gp tomorrow. Thanks.

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FrannyandZooey · 05/09/2007 21:38

Boco I know, about the gran thing. Hopefully it would just be very short term. But if you are frightened of going to sleep / shaky and stressed from being attacked, you can't really support him properly, and it sounds like he really needs you to.

marsladysmysteryswapper · 05/09/2007 21:42

did they give you the details of support groups? there are some, but i've foudn they don't give them to you unless you ask

Original poster

Boco · 05/09/2007 21:43

I know. At the moment he ends up on an airbed on the floor after the first waking. Sometimes that can be 20 minutes after he falls asleep, sometimes a few hours, and sometimes he might just do some light jogging and i leave it. Actually getting single beds feels like saying this is how its always going to be, which is also like saying it's going to get worse - which is why i've been doing a marvellous job of pretending it's fine.

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FrannyandZooey · 05/09/2007 21:49

Just get a small single futon or mattress. Don't actually get rid of your bed or anything - but use separate beds as default until things improve again. You can't go to bed feeling scared of getting punched. You just can't

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