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Original poster

SEX HURTS 12 WEEKS AFTER BIRTH?

39 replies

Jaffacake1 · 10/09/2006 22:12

Any one else having/had this? I had a 7lb 15oz dd 12 weeks ago, with full-on induction/interference/ third degree tear and epis./withheld placenta/d&c etc, then after 10 days was rushed back in bleeding clots, so had another d&c, and they totally re-stitched me...
anyway, I have had tests for cystitis/bladder infections and they are clear, but we tried to have sex and my 'weeing' parts were agony from the inside. Was wondering if this is normal, as doc and hv. rather uninterested, dh patient at mo. but for how much longer? help!

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kittywits · 10/09/2006 22:22

Gosh jaffa, I've only had 2nd degree tears and didn't start having sex again until the kids were about 6 months old and even then it felt a bit sore and stingy.
It sounds like the tissues are still healing.
I'm not sure what to suggest, lubricants perhaps? I think it will be worse if you are worried about it hurting and so tense up. Perhaps you could try the anything but full sex approach for a while? Lavender oil in bath water is supposed to help healing, you could try that.
Sorry, not much help, but you have my sympathies and are a brave lady, I couldn't have done it that early!!

notasheep · 10/09/2006 22:25

OMG!!! sorry jaffacake,no help for you,we didnt try sex for about 10months.
ds is nearly 2 and i still sometimes shudder at the thought
Hope you heal ok

WishICouldGiveUpWork · 10/09/2006 22:27

Blimey!-No advice but maximum repect for trying so soon....good luck.

Original poster
Jaffacake1 · 10/09/2006 22:27

Thanks Kitty...but you sound brave too having another baby after a nasty tear! After the mayhem that was me giving birth I don't think I will do any more babies. Also what is this rubbish about 'forgetting' how bad the pain is?? I will NEVER forget. I wonder why a cut on your skin, etc only takes about a week to heal, but your innards are ruined for months after pushing a kid out. Also I am much more of a hypochondriac now, because I am so terrified of having to go to hospital again.

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BarefootJasnem · 10/09/2006 22:29

My son was 7.15, born with ventouse and episiotomy, which became infected. We first tried sex at about 16 weeks, and it was uncomfortable with extra lubricant (fp clinic gave me sachets), but did get better after a few tries, and a few weeks.

Don't rush it. If you can wait longer and give yurself time to heal a bit more it may be easier.

jamiesam · 10/09/2006 22:31

I had only the third degree tear - you've really been through it jaffa - but found sex painful for several months. Consultant at 6 month post natal check up gave me some lovely aids which help to ... well, I'm not sure, make you bigger. I couldn't bring myself to use them and within a month and couple of very gentle sessions with dh, pain had eased. You are welcome to the (I promise faithfully) unused aids if you want, but not sure if my pain wasn't more to do with tight scar tissue rather than weeing department that you refer to. I should find someone to take you more seriously, if dr and hv uninterested, find out whether (or when) you're going to get post natal check from consultant.

Original poster
Jaffacake1 · 10/09/2006 22:33

God you lot! Please don't think I am some kind of nympho! It looks like I have been reading all of the wrong books again. They all contradicted each other anyway, but they mostly agreed sex should be fine after the 6-8week check. I feel heartily reassured! XXX
Infected stitches sound outrageously awful. My heart goes to you, and to anyone else reading this while sitting on a cushion. We are all so brave.

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BarefootJasnem · 10/09/2006 22:38

It wasn't pleasant, but is ok now. (He's 6 months)
I think 6-8 weeks only applies if you have normal delivery with no complications/tearing/stitches etc. I did manage 6 weeks after dd1 with only a small tear, but I think months, rather than weeks is still "normal". Even if your bits are ok, you are tired and emotional most of the time.

BarefootJasnem · 10/09/2006 22:38

It wasn't pleasant, but is ok now. (He's 6 months)
I think 6-8 weeks only applies if you have normal delivery with no complications/tearing/stitches etc. I did manage 6 weeks after dd1 with only a small tear, but I think months, rather than weeks is still "normal". Even if your bits are ok, you are tired and emotional most of the time.

Original poster
Jaffacake1 · 10/09/2006 22:38

Although have to admit I am intrigued...Jamie...I will politely decline your unused 'aids'. Har!

I had a consultant check at 8 weeks, but she was useless, some kind of trainee who had to keep asking someone else what she should do next. Honestly the NHS!!! The only thing they did was an embarrassing 'squeeze' test which was quite the wrong hole, if you understand. No more to be said about that little surprise.

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jamiesam · 10/09/2006 22:42

ha ha - how ever am I going to get rid of them!

I still think you should press for another check up at hospital - hopefully with someone who knows what they are talking about.

Original poster
Jaffacake1 · 10/09/2006 22:44

Barefoot, did you get induced? I was 11 days overdue and got induced even tho I started natural labour on the day I was booked for. Now I think I should have told them NO and let my body do it naturally...the more they faffed with me, the more stuff went wrong. What have I learned? Have a bleedin' c'section!

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Original poster
Jaffacake1 · 10/09/2006 22:46

sorry to get off the subject but pethidene only added to my problems..I also had to fight to keep my eyelids up.

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Original poster
Jaffacake1 · 10/09/2006 22:48

Sorry again..graphic question- - - is it possible to be sewn up too tightly? and if so, how do you deal with that?

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BarefootJasnem · 11/09/2006 06:26

No I wasn't induced. It was a vbac and I was 8 days late.
It is possible to be sewn back too tightly, or not lined up quite right. That is even more reason to ask to be see again (by the consultant this time) at hospital.

BarefootJasnem · 11/09/2006 06:26

No I wasn't induced. It was a vbac and I was 8 days late.
It is possible to be sewn back too tightly, or not lined up quite right. That is even more reason to ask to be see again (by the consultant this time) at hospital.

pooka · 11/09/2006 06:34

Erm. Yes - it is possible to besewn up too tightly. I was, it was picked up at my GP's 8 week check, was referred and had an episiotomy and restitch when dd was 8 months (day surgery unit). ds born a year ago, 2nd degree tear, but that tear healed OK. Now thinking about No. 3 but sure my fanjo must look like an A - Z.

kittywits · 11/09/2006 07:05

Jaffa, just thought about inductions. IMO they are rubbish. It's no wonder you can't contemplate another baby at the mo.
If you ever do want another DON'T LET THEM INDUCE YOU unless there is a very good proven medical reason and not just because you have gone overdue.
I have had 3 vbacs and all those babies went 17 days overdue. They came whent they were good and ready. There was no fiddling and no complications. Sorry, induction rant over with.

Original poster
Jaffacake1 · 11/09/2006 13:03

Hi Kitty, 3 vbacs? so you have 4 kids? hats off to you. were you nhs? how did you get let to go 17 days over? and were they all 17 days late? my mw said everyone should be induced by 10 days over, hence me at 11, found out in midlands you are allowed up to 14...but 17! good grief your womb must be much comfy

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Original poster
Jaffacake1 · 11/09/2006 13:05

Pooka...who needs sat nav when you have an A-Z fanjo! you saved some money there. Mine just has a bonus mountain range.

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kittywits · 11/09/2006 13:34

Jaffa I have 5 kids and one on the way!
First 2 were sections. They don't like to induce after sections beacause the risk of rupture is greater. But I refused any sort of intervention anyway.

I think it is a really strange notion that so many women think they HAVE to be induced. The medics can recommend it but you don't HAVE to do anything that you are uncomfortable with.
You have a perfect right to refuse induction, they can't make you!!!!! The trouble is they always put it to you as if it were written in stone!!!!! It's not.
All my girls were 17 days over and one was 14 days. I guess I cook them slowly!!

Original poster
Jaffacake1 · 11/09/2006 22:54

kitty, did your weeing bits hurt after birth? But I have no infections? Can you think of anything else it may be? I am not bothering any docs. again unless it gets worse, it just niggles. maybe my jeans are too tight?

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colditz · 11/09/2006 23:14

I think you just need time to heal, 12 weeks is very very early after what you have been through. Make sure you use plenty of ky. I didn't agree to it until 10 weeks after I had my last baby, and I had a 5 hour natural labour with no complications, gas and air only, and no tears (don't be jealous cos it has left me with a fanny like an aircraft hanger, but that's a different story!) and am only 26.

And it wasn't fab even then. We are only just getting used to it again, and ds2 is 5 months old.

Original poster
Jaffacake1 · 11/09/2006 23:20

I am 28. My dd is my first, and probably last! How do you feel?

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colditz · 11/09/2006 23:26

Down there, you mean? Fine, now. No more though.