anorexia recovery. think ive over done it

[wontletmesignin]

So far i have been doing well. I am starting to get those thoughts though are starting to make me doubt this whole thing.

I knew this would happen, so im not going to let it stop me.
I know what has triggered it also.
Its my meals from today. I really feel i have over done it.
I have been using USN diet fuel ultralean. I didnt realise it was an actual meal replacement.

I want to show what i have had today in the hopes somebody will tell me if i have over done it, or if i am just doubting myself.

9am - breakfast shake

11:30 - diet fuel 300ml

1pm - mash potato, 1 yorkshire, a little sweetcorn, broccoli, cauliflower, 2 slices of pork and some gravy

1:15 - muller vitality yoghurt

5:30 - 2 slices pizza, half a garlic baguette

5:45 - muller vitality

6pm - diet fuel 300ml

You must not start obsessing with one days food this is not the way to good health. I guess you are trying to slowly gain weight and that amount is still small I would guess it is fine maybe just enough. I would try to include a bit of fruit too for health. But the main thing is not to start obsessing and be laid back as possible. Do you have a proper counsellor or mentor who can advise you. Or a proper forum for recovering people. This is just my advise but don't give up you need to get healthy.

Thanx. I just panicked wheb i read the diet fuel was an actual meal replacement.

I have been eating fruit, and healthier before today.

It has definitely been the food of today that has triggered it all. I am going to fight past it, and keep going.

Its just irritating when these thougts come out of the blue.
Thank you for saying it is still a small amount. That helps.

I did join a proper forum, posted a post - it needed to be verified first and i havent heard back...or seen it on the boards. This was a few days ago now.

I have set a goal to hit the 7 stone mark. Which will put me into the lower end of the healthy bmi range.
I am completely determined to get there.
I just wasnt expecting todays though reaction at all.

I think you've just frightened yourself a bit :)

I'll share the very simple 2 words my husband says to me while holding my shoulders and looking directly at me:

"You're OK"

Hope that helps a bit... Good luck on hitting your target.

I think you are right, wearesix. Thank you. It does help

Keep going on that forum and I will just post encouragement x

If you're under 7 stone then quite honestly it doesn't matter if you go over your daily recommended calorie intake for a while, in fact it's necessary for you to reach your goal.

What you've eaten is all nutritious and there's no junk food in there so honestly there's no harm in eating a lot of it when the aim is to gain weight.

Good luck and well done for getting so far already, I hope your recovery goes well

Thinking of you, I am a recovered anorexic x

Hope you are ok today. I really think you need some expert advice and knowledgeable support group. You could ask gp for helpgroup if you can find one. But just keep going and taking care of yourself. You can do this one step at a time.

Hiya

The weird thing about recovery is that you are allowed to 'overdo it'.

From that list, I don't think you have. That's about right for what a normal person would eat in a day.

It's a bit of an experiment...but if you see that you have maybe kept a bit of that energy and gained a few ounces/whatever, you can decide if you can cope with that, and adjust accordingly.

I found once I had 'turned the corner' that my mindset changed, I went from thinking 'I don't think I can eat anything else/ I don't think I should eat anything else, in case it is too much' to

'I wonder if I can fit in a little bit more' and finding that I could, sometimes, and that it didn't make anything awful happen.

But I had to go gently with this as I was so nervous about getting it wrong.

I know wrong and right don't exist in a normal person's eating, but to us it does and I get what you mean.

You have already come so far. You're allowed to keep as many defences as you like as long as you are allowing yourself to get it wrong a little bit, sometimes, and seeing what happens, I suppose it is a very gradual thing isn't it.

I loved it when I managed to eat a bit more and started to gain weight - I just felt so much more solid and okay.

But it takes a while to get to that point.

keep on keeping on in whatever way you can - you are past first base here, you can afford to relax a little bit xxx

Thank you all

summerrain you made a good point! I should be eating more to put the actual weight on!

I think it was all just a shock to the system. I didnt stop though. I added a banana, an orange and another yoghurt last night. Not much, but it was important that i fought past my mind.

New day today and im feeling positive again.
Ive had my breakfast shake and a meal replacement milkshake. Going to have a ham and cheese sandwich soon.

revivingshower i am waiting to be referred to some eating disorder specialist. Im hoping that i have sorted myself before then though. Or at least made huge improvements. I am ok, thank you for asking.

giraffescantsledge thank you and well done for beating it

Thank you rooners that is very encouraging.
I have had the thoughts of 'i wonder if i can fit a little bit more in'. Which is why it was a big shock last night.

I guess, if it wasnt for those thoughts, there would be no problem. So i have to accept that they arent going to go away anytime soon.
At least i am aware though, which means im on the right path.

I am quite excited about the whole thing. Im looking forward to looking and feeling 'solid', like you said. I have never, ever been complete so to speak. Ive always been lacking.

Yes i need to remind myself that i can, and i am allowed to over do it. It is neccessary to do so. In order to get to where i want to be!

Thank you all xx

Take it easy - reassuring yourself is great, but fighting your own mind isn't necessary. Just argue a little with it

If you feel you can't manage any more either physically or mentally then it's alright to let up.

As long as you are eating one calorie more than you need, every other day or whatever, then you'll be going in the right direction.

Being alive and positive is a very good start. Hooray

also with the meal replacement shakes don't forget they are replacing a small meal for ppl who are trying to lose weight probably about 300 calories or so check package.

I always use them shakes as just a milkshake in order to keep weight on as find it hard to keep it on. So usually have 3 meals a day, any snacks I fancy and 1-2 shakes

You are right rooners, thank you

revivingshower yep they are. 364 calories for 100mg of USN diet fuel ultralean. Which i got for muscle mass. I have 100mg when i have two of them.
The other one is 201 calories per 280ml. So i think i will add an extra one of those per day.

Hopefully this is enough, on top of trying of eating correctly...or at least trying to!
artandco do you have any good suggestions on the meal replacements?

This is my 6th now. I dont have any scales. Although, some are on the way through amazon.
I am hoping to be at least 6 1/2 stone by the time they get here. If not, no worries. But fingers crossed.

I usually make a shake like this:

250ml full fat milk
125ml Greek yogurt Yogurt
3 tsp of golden Lindseed (buy the crushed type)
3 tsp ground nuts almonds/hazelnut work well.
1 banana
150g Frozen fruit
Sometimes add a spoon of protein powder

Do you do some affirmations wont these are helpful. For example I am eating right, I deserve to be healthy or similar. This can be helpful. Just repeat it to yourself several times to help counteract any negative thoughts.

Thank you artandco wrote it down

revivingshower yes i have been doing that. Maybe not as often as i should!
Thank you both

The one thing i have noticed about all of this. It is far easier, and better to deal with feeling full - rather than dealing with the empty hungry feeling.
Its not as difficult to handle.
That sounds strange when i read it back. I hope yous understand what i mean.

I think this is also helping increase my selfworth too. I feel as though i am finally doing something for me!

Yes it is natural to feel full you are getting stronger and will have more energy and get the nutrients you may be missing. So you are working with your body. Keep it up x

I'm an anorexic, albeit at a pretty decent weight right now. And I totally get what you are saying.

You are doing so well, you should be proud of yourself, you really should.

B-Eat is a great organisation,and I am glad you are on the list for an EDT, mine was (literally) a lifesaver.

Feel free to PM me, whenever you like. I know it's hard to explain to people why you can't just eat more etc.

Just want to encourage you and say that it is wonderful that you have come so far and are on the road to being better. What a strong person you sound. All the best for your recovery.

Thank you all.
I am going to keep it up. Im still as determined as i was when i started. So thats good!

Thank you OLittletown I will get myself onto that website later on tonight. Its good to hear you have got yourself to a decent weight. Well done thank you

Thank you helzapopin it means a lot. From all of you xxx

:)

Hope you had a good day today and are keeping positive. Good health is so important as I know right now with this bad back. But if you do have a bad day don't let it stop you just take one day at a time.

Hiya.
Thanx revivingshower. I had quite a bad day yesterday, but i had what i could. It wasnt too bad, but less than id of liked.

I have this awful cold thats going around and was a wee stressed, so i can see why/how it happened.

I managed to weigh myself yesterday and im over the 6 stone mark by a couple of pounds

I am feeling a lot better within myself. Would feel even better if this cold would sod off!

Sorry to hear of your bad back. Take it easy and i hope it eases off soon for you xx

The toughest thing for me is knowing when I'm having a bad day. Well done on getting over 6st, that's awesome! You must be proud - I'm proud and don't even know you!

This time of year is always tough, all that socialising, food and drink. You're doing brilliantly.