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Original poster

Lunches for a really fussy DH?

34 replies

DreamADream · 07/05/2016 10:06

DH is super fussy, he won't eat any veg, but also won't eat meat if he thinks it looks like it comes from an animal! He's starting to show signs of being rather malnourished (god knows how it's taken so long!), so I've started making him lunches for work in an attempt to introduce more things into his diet. He has no access to a fridge/microwace/kettle either!

Does anyone have any ideas? I was thinking of doing spicy tomatoey pasta with sausages, but am stumped otherwise as I can't think if anything that doesn't have loads of veg/salad in! Thanks!

OP posts:
Lumpylumperson · 07/05/2016 10:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SmallBee · 07/05/2016 10:15

He's a grown-up, he needs to look after himself. Including controlling his nutrition. By all means direct him to some books or websites that will help him get a nutritionally balanced diet but I wouldn't actually make his lunch like he is a small child.

moocowmrs · 07/05/2016 10:15

Yes he could make his own but op obviously cares and is worried , I make DH lunch every day !

Eggs, something like a Spanish omelette maybe, potato etc.

Potato salad with chopped ham in.

Pasta and Tuna

I have just made a fab chocolate and beetroot cake for the children to take to school.

Mini muffins with veg and cheese in maybe.

SmallBee · 07/05/2016 10:16

Annabel Karmel does a book on 'hiding ' the veg in sauces I believe.

whatthefucksaninkynonk · 07/05/2016 10:18

What lumpy said

You sound lovely and caring, but he is an adult. If he's malnourished he needs to either get himself some of those fortisip things or start trying new things.

Scarydinosaurs · 07/05/2016 10:19

What food does he like?

Somerville · 07/05/2016 10:23

Not eating any veg is ridiculous for an adult - unless he eats plenty of fruit to make up for it? But if he doesn't eat much fruit either then send him to talk to a GP and hopefully they'll refer him on to a nutritionist.

And don't enable his faddy eating by attempting to introduce more things into his diet as though he's a toddler.

BubsAndMoo · 07/05/2016 10:32

I'm with the majority on this- you're his wife not his mother. Support, listen, but ultimately he's an adult and needs to take responsibility for himself. If he has severe food aversions then taking responsibility may extend to seeking professional support for himself- if he is fussy to that extent he may well be diagnosable with ARFID (avoidant-restrictive food intake disorder) and could seek psychotherapy. You're (probably) not a psychotherapist - so don't take it upon yourself to fix his disordered eating. He won't change unless he wants to.

Original poster
DreamADream · 07/05/2016 10:33

Oh I'm well aware of how ridiculous it is and that as a fully grown adult he should be able to sort himself out, but he's also a typical man who won't go to the dr about anything. So I either leave him to it and watch his health go down the toilet, or subtly try and do something about it. I'm definitely not one of those women that pander to every wish and desire!

I do think he has really bad food issues though, possibly even a phobia. His diet is basically beige freezer food, sausages, chocolate and the odd orange. God that looks awful written down! I blame his mother!

OP posts:
Penfold007 · 07/05/2016 10:36

You obviously care and are prepared to help him but he's an adult and needs to sort this out himself. In the long run you are doing him no favours enabling his behaviour/food issues.

ijustwannadance · 07/05/2016 10:36

Won't eat meat if he thinks it looks like it comes from an animal! Confused

Buy him a pot noodle.

QueenLaBeefah · 07/05/2016 10:39

Has he thought about going to the doctors about his issues with food?
Apparently CBT works quite well for people who are extremely fussy.

Napnah · 07/05/2016 10:39

He sounds like a nightmare to live with. Poor you.

Costacoffeeplease · 07/05/2016 10:40

He's got to deal with this himself, he's not a child, and you are pandering to him

If you weren't around he'd have to sort it out

BubsAndMoo · 07/05/2016 10:51

His issues may well stem from childhood, but I wouldn't blame his mother (did he not have a father too?)- if he isn't seeking help to change things for himself as an adult then he needs to shoulder the responsibility. 'Typical man' is not an excuse, it's a lazy sexist stereotype. What, his penis stops him from going to the doctor?

I don't think your only options are to ignore it or sneak nutrition into a beige lunchbox for him though.... how about tackling the issue head on with him in an adult conversation? DH, I am really concerned about you for these reasons, what do you think? Would you consider going to see your GP to discuss it, I'm worried for your health and the future of our family as a consequence?

Ultimately, whilst you can gently challenge someone, you really have to respect people's wishes or uninvolve yourself, you can't really force things on someone or trick them into doing something. That's not the basis of a healthy relationship is it.

Somerville · 07/05/2016 11:28

The typical man who won't go to the Dr's

My DC don't have a dad anymore. He most likely would have been around for more of their childhood if he'd listened when I told him to go to the GP.

If I remarry and I have concerns about partners health, I'd leave him rather than worry for months. I know that sounds extreme, but my experience of this has been extreme.

Original poster
DreamADream · 07/05/2016 11:57

Somerville, I'm actually in a very similar situation (he's not DCs' dad), so am very conscious of the whole thing. I am trying to get him to the doctors, but he's very pig headed, so was just looking for a few ideas for ways I can help him in the meantime.

I could totally just say fuck it, it's your choice and leave him to it as he's a grown adult, but I don't want to do that cos I care!

If I wasn't around, he'd live on takeaways and things out of tins just like he did before we met. I am going to talk to him seriously about the drs again!

OP posts:
Waltermittythesequel · 07/05/2016 12:00

You blame his mother.

Now you're trying to manage his diet like you would a toddler.

If it were me I'd be giving an ultimatum; get to a doctor/nutritionist or start eating because I'm not putting the dc through you being sick or dying.

pinkyredrose · 07/05/2016 12:03

I don't have much patience with adults who 'won't eat veg' or visit the Gp, however his diet sounds shocking, I can see why you want to help him. Do you think he could have an eating disorder?

Somerville · 07/05/2016 12:04

Well done. Smile

I know it's not easy to talk about.

I'd make the point as well that his eating habits are a bad example to your children.

gaggiagirl · 07/05/2016 12:16

Op, I sympathise. My DH is underweight. Worryingly so. If I didn't exist he would survive on McDonald's and jaffa cakes. He has no interest in eating. And can go for days without food.
I see it as a daily victory when he eats a home cooked meal.

Original poster
DreamADream · 07/05/2016 14:37

I don't think it's an eating disorder per se, he's just really clueless and disinterested. He is a binge eater though and will go all day without eating and then eat say 4 slices of toast and a packet of biscuits as soon as he gets in. Which is part of the reason I've started making his lunches!

Luckily the children are very aware that his diet isn't the norm and is very unhealthy. My diet is literally the polar opposite of his and they eat like me!

OP posts:
Scarydinosaurs · 07/05/2016 16:10

Ok, so he likes sausages. Build from there. Have you ever served beef sausages to him? Chicken? Turkey? You don't have to tell him first. Will he eat mash? Mash with cabbage and peas in it? Mash with a carrot in it? Does he like gravy? If you put gravy on his veg will he eat it?

Did you mention if he has sandwiches? Could you just begin with cheese sandwiches? Or does he not eat cheese?

BertrandRussell · 07/05/2016 16:13

You blame his mother and you're treating him like a toddler.

Your children may not pick up his attitude to food, but they will sure as hell learn som pretty poor lessons about how relationships work..........

FreshHorizons · 07/05/2016 16:54

It is not your problem!
Simply cook whatever you want, tell him if he doesn't like he he can cook his own.
Let him do his own packed lunch.
He isn't a toddler and he has got like this because people take notice.
He won't starve.
I can't think why you got into pandering to his fussy eating or why you need to be taking him to the doctor.
It is his problem.

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