Lunches for a really fussy DH?

[DreamADream]

DH is super fussy, he won't eat any veg, but also won't eat meat if he thinks it looks like it comes from an animal! He's starting to show signs of being rather malnourished (god knows how it's taken so long!), so I've started making him lunches for work in an attempt to introduce more things into his diet. He has no access to a fridge/microwace/kettle either!

Does anyone have any ideas? I was thinking of doing spicy tomatoey pasta with sausages, but am stumped otherwise as I can't think if anything that doesn't have loads of veg/salad in! Thanks!

[foodiemama26]

Would he eat soup? Lots of ways to include veggies in soup! He could take it in a flask if he's no access to a microvave.

[BIWI]

How lovely to blame his mother

He's an adult. He knows, surely, that just eating toast and biscuits isn't healthy?

Stop mothering him. Talk to him as an adult and make it clear that he needs to sort himself out.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

I think.by trying all this stuff your just going to create more issues amd limit his diet even more.

he needs help. more than you can give him. it's not normal to starve rather than eat vegetables. not when you are an adult and can make these choices. he needs to want to do some gong about it and sadly you can't force him.

[FreshHorizons]

I don't see the need to be subtle.
Tell him you are fed up with being handed a problem that is not of your making.
From now on you are suiting yourself, you are happy to include him, but if he doesn't like it he can get his own.
Leave him to do his own packed lunch. I have never done one for DH unless it is a family picnic. He knows what he fancies for lunch- I don't.

[OurBlanche]

I think you need to stop being 'subtle' about it.

When I 'got' DH (mid 80s) he didn't cook much and didn't like 'fancy' stuff.

So meat and potatoes with salt was about it!

It took forever but I wasn't subtle, I cooked for him, showed him how to cook and then told him I couldn't eat the bland food he thought he preferred.

He soon came to a compromise and now can and will cook a wide range of food - Mexican tonight

You need to stop 'managing' this and start airing it discussing it and working out how you can support him to find his own solution.

But you'll need loads of patience

[1lov3comps]

My DH is the same (bar the meat), no veg at all and little or no fruit. Also drinks around 2 litres of coke daily. Sent him to doctors a couple of years ago - came back with a full bill of health
No advice but watching with interest!

[MadSprocker]

Does he like pizza? I know it's not a brilliant choice, but at least it has some veg in the tomato sauce. We have it cold instead of sandwiches for lunch. My ds hates fruit, so I hide it as finely chopped apple in burgers and meatballs.

[FreshHorizons]

It is not your problem!
Simply cook whatever you want, tell him if he doesn't like he he can cook his own.
Let him do his own packed lunch.
He isn't a toddler and he has got like this because people take notice.
He won't starve.
I can't think why you got into pandering to his fussy eating or why you need to be taking him to the doctor.
It is his problem.

[BertrandRussell]

You blame his mother and you're treating him like a toddler.

Your children may not pick up his attitude to food, but they will sure as hell learn som pretty poor lessons about how relationships work..........

[Scarydinosaurs]

Ok, so he likes sausages. Build from there. Have you ever served beef sausages to him? Chicken? Turkey? You don't have to tell him first. Will he eat mash? Mash with cabbage and peas in it? Mash with a carrot in it? Does he like gravy? If you put gravy on his veg will he eat it?

Did you mention if he has sandwiches? Could you just begin with cheese sandwiches? Or does he not eat cheese?

[DreamADream]

I don't think it's an eating disorder per se, he's just really clueless and disinterested. He is a binge eater though and will go all day without eating and then eat say 4 slices of toast and a packet of biscuits as soon as he gets in. Which is part of the reason I've started making his lunches!

Luckily the children are very aware that his diet isn't the norm and is very unhealthy. My diet is literally the polar opposite of his and they eat like me!

[gaggiagirl]

Op, I sympathise. My DH is underweight. Worryingly so. If I didn't exist he would survive on McDonald's and jaffa cakes. He has no interest in eating. And can go for days without food.
I see it as a daily victory when he eats a home cooked meal.

[Somerville]

Well done.

I know it's not easy to talk about.

I'd make the point as well that his eating habits are a bad example to your children.

[pinkyredrose]

I don't have much patience with adults who 'won't eat veg' or visit the Gp, however his diet sounds shocking, I can see why you want to help him. Do you think he could have an eating disorder?

[Waltermittythesequel]

You blame his mother.

Now you're trying to manage his diet like you would a toddler.

If it were me I'd be giving an ultimatum; get to a doctor/nutritionist or start eating because I'm not putting the dc through you being sick or dying.

[DreamADream]

Somerville, I'm actually in a very similar situation (he's not DCs' dad), so am very conscious of the whole thing. I am trying to get him to the doctors, but he's very pig headed, so was just looking for a few ideas for ways I can help him in the meantime.

I could totally just say fuck it, it's your choice and leave him to it as he's a grown adult, but I don't want to do that cos I care!

If I wasn't around, he'd live on takeaways and things out of tins just like he did before we met. I am going to talk to him seriously about the drs again!

[Somerville]

The typical man who won't go to the Dr's

My DC don't have a dad anymore. He most likely would have been around for more of their childhood if he'd listened when I told him to go to the GP.

If I remarry and I have concerns about partners health, I'd leave him rather than worry for months. I know that sounds extreme, but my experience of this has been extreme.

[BubsAndMoo]

His issues may well stem from childhood, but I wouldn't blame his mother (did he not have a father too?)- if he isn't seeking help to change things for himself as an adult then he needs to shoulder the responsibility. 'Typical man' is not an excuse, it's a lazy sexist stereotype. What, his penis stops him from going to the doctor?

I don't think your only options are to ignore it or sneak nutrition into a beige lunchbox for him though.... how about tackling the issue head on with him in an adult conversation? DH, I am really concerned about you for these reasons, what do you think? Would you consider going to see your GP to discuss it, I'm worried for your health and the future of our family as a consequence?

Ultimately, whilst you can gently challenge someone, you really have to respect people's wishes or uninvolve yourself, you can't really force things on someone or trick them into doing something. That's not the basis of a healthy relationship is it.

[Costacoffeeplease]

He's got to deal with this himself, he's not a child, and you are pandering to him

If you weren't around he'd have to sort it out

[Napnah]

He sounds like a nightmare to live with. Poor you.

[QueenLaBeefah]

Has he thought about going to the doctors about his issues with food?
Apparently CBT works quite well for people who are extremely fussy.

[ijustwannadance]

Won't eat meat if he thinks it looks like it comes from an animal!

Buy him a pot noodle.

[Penfold007]

You obviously care and are prepared to help him but he's an adult and needs to sort this out himself. In the long run you are doing him no favours enabling his behaviour/food issues.