I can't think of a title

[FabIsDoingPrettyWell]

I have been crying today but not over what I should have been and should have done years ago. Do you think it really matters of will it not help if I cry but won't acknowledge what I should be crying about?

It depends if the crying makes you feel any better as a pressure release valve, if not then you need to address the issues from the past but if it does then all of the above is fine as long as you have dealt with whatever is in your past!
We all need a good cry some days, our body's way of dealing with the stress we put it under!

I always feel really drained and tired if I have cried even if it isn't a full on sob. I am trying to address past issues but they are all tied up with something I am able to cry about and that doesn't help when I think about it.

I have got through life by instantly moving on without addressing how I feel and that has got me in the mess I am in now.

Is it really true that you do not acknowledge what you should be crying about or can you not cry about what you should be crying about. For me there's a difference. From what I've read in your earlier posts you like me have had a real need - for survival's sake - to separate emotions from events.

I learned to cry last summer when a brave friend pushed me hard enough to make me. I was under huge stress and feelings came up but could not come out. I got angry for the first time last Saturday - properly angry without deciding after 5mins that it was all my fault after all. It is all progress.

Crying about what you should be crying about may or may not come when you are ready.

I knew what I was crying about this morning but the therapist felt it was something else.

I can't and won't cry about certain things and I know I really ought too.

who says you ought to? You need to deal with things your way - you have survived by doing things your way.

But it is still always there and manifesting itself in other problems.

I would love a week of complete timeout from everything. Just time on my own to think and feel and cry.

I am going round in circles. DH was really annoyed with me last night. I have hardly slept. I wish someone would just give me a big slap and I could just get on with my life - be a few months down the line iyswim.

I think it is normal for to feel frustrated when you have a on-going, (possibly feels endless) mental health probs. And for your DH and family to feel frustrated too.

I would happily give you a slap if it would make it any better, but fortunately it doesnt' work. At points when I have suddenly decided not to be ill anymore, I would usually end up in a right state.

Be gentle with yourself - if you really feel the need for some time out, is that really not possible? Are their some friends you could go stay with, to give you a break from the kids once the birthday is over?

TBH the only thing keeping me here is the fact it is ds's birthday.

Sometimes just getting through a day is heroic - wanting to make your son's birthday special when your world is falling apart isn't a little thing either.

Hope you're holiding it together, and the day is going ok. Take care.

Well, it isn't his fault his mother is a head case.

The kids will be home at 3.30pm, inlaws here at 4 and I just can't talk today to them.

How did it go Fab?

It was oka. I told MIL I wasn't good so I wasn't ignoring her so she didn't really talk to me. FIL didn't get the vibes and kept looking at me. I have a really bad headache now after talking to dh and I just want to sleep and then run away.

Well done for getting through the day. Perhaps you can get some time to yourself at the weekend? I hope so.

I hope tomorrow is a better day. A.

Thanks.

DH is always happy to have the kids if I want time off at the weekend.

I am just soooooooooo tired, mentally as well as physically.