Hi JT, managed to log on for a while, glad you are OK (ish) and that you managed to speak to a friend even if you didn't see your GP.
I haven't read all of this thread but I lurk a lot so know what you've been through recently. You're not pathetic at all. Re the depression, I wonder whether cognitive behavioural therapy would help you a bit, in conjuction with ADs. Have you ever thought about that? It's a method you can use to help control negative thoughts (usually not available on the NHS but I should think you could get a book or find some info on the web). It helps you banish thoughts like `I'm pathetic' which can pull you down so much.
Re finding some work, are your dc both at school? If so, could you do some temping during term time?
Have to go as I'm on someone else's PC and probably won't be back for a few days. Take care.