Hi
I've had depression for years. I still struggle to admit that. I just realised yesterday that I have slipped down into a black hole again. Its due to being overly wound after a busy year last year, culminating in Christmas that was mixed with illness and being much, much to busy. Ages ago someone explained to me that when our bodies get wound up we live off adrenalin, when that subsides, we dip. I think that is where I am.
I have so much to do its untrue. All of it seems to need done today. And yet, I am brain-frozen, I can't think logically and I can't control my anger, I feel ashamed, I am anxious about all weather-related stress.
I had counselling for the best part of a year and it finished a year ago. I really liked my counsellor but sadly she has moved on and I really, really don't want to have to start back with another (she was my second one, the first I had seen 2 years previously and as I didn't 'click' with her, it made the sessions useless. I also feel its a personal blow to have to admit to needing to go back.
I don't want to go back, I thought/think I have the answers I needed......which was to find the route of why I feel bad. I know why, its just I need to make the change myself and that is the hard bit. No amount of counselling can make the change for me. I must learn to stand up and change what I don't like about me.
I need to know what to do. Right now, I am wasting precious time. And yet I am incapable of getting up and applying myself to anything with good effect as I feel my brain is on shut down. I can hardly think straight.
Wow. Medal if you are still reading. I'm probably not explaining it well.