It hit me today that I have been anorexic/bulimic for 10 years and only one person knows

[justwantedtoshare]

My gorgeous DH.

I have children, I have a job, I have lots of friends. I attend sports clubs, not one single person knows about this/ I remember being 14 and being sick in bags behind my bedroom door. And since then it hasn't stopped. Sick at home, at work, in restaurants, at the cinema, friends houses, anywhere. I'm a healthy weight. Pregnant in fact and have lots of very healthy children despite the eating disorder carrying on through and after all my pregnancies. Nobody noticed because I never got too thin, they just say I'm lucky. Just felt ready to share, and wondering if anyone else has experienced a similar thing.

Are you suffering any other ill effects though - losing tooth enamel? lack of vitamins?

Are you 'happy' with this or do you want to change it?

Yep me - on and off for over 20 years (more on than off).

Never admitted it to anyone

My teeth are fine as I am sick straight away so there is no acid. I take lots of multivitamins. There have been times, probably 4 or 5 times in 15 years that I have felt I didn't want any more but I am happy and it is a release for me. A complete addiction and It is terrible, absolutely terrible that this is part of me and I will never be free because I don't want to. And when I think about it it is disgusting but because of parentel neglect nobody picked it up.

Dophus, sorry

I went to boarding school - we all did it.

I heard of cognitive behavioral therapy used to 'rewire' the automatic thoughts ie remove your food=sick thought pattern. You can try CBT at home with books on your own as a first start(look on Amazon).
However, if you don't want to stop then I there wasn't much point in me mentioning that!
Are you absolutely sure your children haven't noticed?
Well done for sharing

Thank you lucky lady. I think now it is more of a physical thing in that my body won't accept a lot of food at once now and I feel full very quickly and I actually am sick if I eat too much. So really it had had a physical effect, it's not healthy.

Not sure about the children-hopefully not but they are at an age now where they will wonder why Mummy is being sick-not just a baby in her tummy.

So really I can't live with this forever. Need to really think about this.

Because of the sport i have had potassium tests.So far ok but I know the risk.
And yes my kids will know but luckily I have 4 boys who have a fantastic Father as a role model. Never wanted a girl for this reason- not saying boys can't suffer of course. And I could be carrying a girl now.

I am really sorry about your daughter but at least you know. And it is not your fault, there can be a genetic link and I have family members who I susoect suffer too.