I just feel like washing my hands of my "old man" (father) at times

[steviesgirl]

Went shopping with dd this afternoon and thought I would call in to see my parents (who are retired) for an hour or so as I know my dad loves to see dd and my visits (maybe once a fortnight that's all) is usually the only time he really sees her. (He rarely visits me and I'm only 8 miles away). See mum once a week though, she sometimes visits my house too.

They were out when I got there. BIL and sister were at parents house though as my sister is staying with them (she suffers with ME/CFS and needs support when she's badly unwell.

My parents got back about 10 mins after I arrived and my dad was a bit edgy and moody from the offset really as he's probably fed up with my sister and her problems.

To cut a long story short, my father was/is far from the perfect parent. We put up with his verbal and emotional bullying right from children (he even used to physically assault my sister sometimes and she witnessed him beating my mother when she was a v young child). Anyway, during my visit today he kept coming out with very subtle little put downs to me almost like he was trying to flare an argument. When I went to leave I made a joke about something and he made another little subtle personal put down to me I answered back and I was basically told in fathers words "Why don't you just fuck off and get out of my air. I'm sick of the lot of you and your problems. Grow up the lot of you and get out of my way"

This sort of behaviour from my father is nothing new, but it always brings back my childhood and teenage memories of his bullying behaviour and I left an emotional wreck. I really feel like I've had enough of him. I'm not a bad person far from it and he says he loves his kids, but you know he's got a funny way of showing it at times.

If he wants us out of his air that much I really feel like never visiting him again. Sometimes I feel I hate him the way he's screwed us all up. I'm a person who has little self-esteem and suffer with depression sometimes and all thanks to him.

Sorry I just had to get this off my chest. Hope you didn't mind my long post!!

Not at all. Sounds awful. Have you considered distancing yourself from him, at least for a bit? You don't have to have someone in your life if they cause you pain, even if they are genetically related to you!

Thanks for your message. I will certainly distance myself from him for the time being.

It might also make him realise that if he keeps treating his family this way they may just drift away from him and then he really will be a very lonely old man.

I don't know how my mother has put up with him for 48 years. That's how long they've been married. I just feel sorry for my mum in a way, she's always been torn between us and him. He's so selfish.