Current partner and I both got divorced when our respective children were circa 10 yrs old (we have x2 ea). We have lived together for more than a decade. Both my children lived with us 100% rather than their mother and have very little, if anything, to do with her (sadly). They are now late 20's. One of mine has successfully moved out, the other has significant MH issues with Neurodiversity, Complex PTSD, history of self harm and attempted suicide. They have never worked and repeatedly attended and then dropped out of uni. They have issues with alcohol. I'm pretty much doing everything for them; cooking, collecting meds, paying for treatment etc as they have limited ability to stay on top of this stuff.
We have 1 of DP's children also living with us, who has a good job but chooses not to move out and shows little inclination. Her other child has moved out with her BF.
DP and I have both recently suffered bereavements (of parents) and DP has a significant health condition. We have both had an incredibly hard run of parenting (yes, I'm sure there are things we could have done better ;-) !
Losing parents had made us realise we have maybe 15 yrs of active life left and maybe 20 + yrs of life - who knows? The only good news is financially we are in a good position and could afford a nice retirement and maybe start to live a nice life together, with less stress. We would both like to downsize somewhere smaller away from a city. DP is willing to move in a heartbeat and tell her child that resides with us that she would just have to rent (We have both tried in vain to encourage her to save!) The question is, what can I do with my dependant adult - child. How on earth do I navigate this? On current trajectory I am looking at dying with my them still at home and dependant on me, which is not good for them (or me). Someone had mentioned Supported acommodation. Does anyone know how this works? How do I get a plan together to find a way that they can function without me (as surely they will have to one day!). I plan to stop working in a year and would happily give up the first year of my "retirement" to really make progress with said child if I could get a plan and know what to do. I'm really lost.