Burnt out, anxious and overwhelmed balancing self-employment and children's needs

[Liloldme93]

Sorry not sure if this is the right place to post, but im just looking for some advice.

Im really struggling at the moment. Im burnt out from work (self employed) in a highly physical and sometimes mentally draining profession. my anxiety is horrendous and im overthinking a lot. Im stressed out trying to juggle the children's appointments and school and not sleeping well (both adhd and one with autism).
Ive tried everything to ease my dailyload but nothing is working. Ive been to drs, ive cut down to 4 day work week, im doing the bare minimum for the business but enough to keep it running. Given myself time to rest when kids in school. But im still inundated with things.
I know I need to slow down, but im doing the bare minimum. Ideally giving up work would be the most viable option to ensure I have the time to sort things out and concentrate on getting over the burnout but financially I cannot do this as I am the main breadwinner.

Im just looking for some advice if anybody has any tips to get out of this hole. Im really struggling and just cannot see it ending.

If you’re the main breadwinner, what does your partner do to contribute?

So sorry to hear you’re struggling. Not sure how old are your kids, but could you maybe hire a nanny to help with the kids? Or maybe a housekeeper to help you with the cleaning/cooking for a few hours?

@desperatemum1234 he does help with housework etc and takes kids to clubs. But this is the time I use for admin for the business. He earns enough to contribute to bills but not enough that I can drop my work any more. Job prospects where we are are not great so finding work is hard.

@sunsetinAmalfi thank you. sorry, children are 6 and 8. Ive looked into after school care or local 'babysitters' but the prices are unfortunately a little too high for us. Ive recently had to stop the cleaner too as weve been a bit tight on money.

I’m so sorry it all sounds difficult. I can relate - I work four days a week and have one child with suspected AuDHD who can’t be left with anyone (he does school and that’s it), and a younger one who is NT. DH works full time and we have no family help. Sometimes I try to lower my expectations and accept that the bare minimum is ok - eg eggs on toast for dinner (we already have to make our son separate meals); less than tidy house etc. i have one day off a week but the reality is it’s six hours while they are at school and I usually don’t have any energy to do much apart from a bit of cooking and then admin on the sofa. I have cut down going out in the evenings as it makes me so tired. I also get ready for bed and do my face/teeth etc at the same time as the children so that if bedtime takes an age I can go straight to bed afterwards.

a couple of thoughts - how old are you? Could the anxiety and overwhelm be partly down to perimenopause? It was for me and HRT has been a lifesaver. Do you take supplements? vit D and magnesium are good for sleep and energy levels.

I have also stopped talking to people who don’t understand ND children about my son as it just makes me feel worse - most people try to help and give advice and I can’t stand it - it’s usually based on what would work for a NT child and they have no idea that consequences are meaningless for a child having a meltdown. This has helped me as I realised I was feeling very alone and getting upset after conversations with well-meaning friends

@Nightmanagerfan thank you for sharing with me.
I definitely agree with some people not understanding ND children. Ive stopped talking about the children's adhd and things now, my parents were big culprits unfortunately and its taken years to get them to understand that some things just dont work. Theyve got better but its still a battle. And they're my only source of adult conversation besides my sister and husband. My family do offer to help now and again but its just added stress as meltdowns happen due to change in routine. And I do think its a bit of a challenge for my parents with both kids.
Im 32, ive not enquired about it but assume I will be told im too young. I take iron supplements and magnesium which has helped a little but not much.