Intellectual disability, bi polar affective disorder, PTSD and Grief is one hell of a cocktail

[BeMintFatball]

Daughter will be 24 in a couple of weeks. Diagnosed at 15 as having bi polar but it’s really not . She’s had some wobbles over the years but with better understanding I have kept her stable and out of the psych wards. She was sectioned at 15 and not something she or I will willingly go through again.

We both feel she has inattentive ADHD. Worryingly she has some neurological symptoms and she is waiting for a MRI of her brain.

Ten months ago extreme anxiety started . She was off work and not doing the things she normally loves. She’s very sporty. Relationship with boyfriend suffered.

Well in August her grandmother died from a primary brain cancer. And a week later her prince of a boyfriend dumped her. That’s two years wasted. I had hoped after the funeral there would be closure.

However the anxiety has given way to severe grief and she is very depressed. Again having to cancel sport and phoning in sick from work.

I am doing my best to get a meds review but her named mental health nurse is off sick and as ever my day has fallen down the crack in the system.

Anyone got any coping tips? I’m not doing well myself. It was my mother who
died and I am carrying the weight of it all. As an only child, it’s me having to sort out all the post death paperwork and support my daughter. I am literally running on empty.

I wish I had advice. I really feel for you and your daughter (though you especially, as you’re stuck with all the admin and negotiation and work of it all, as well as the feelings).

I am so sorry for the loss of your mother.

The mountain of paperwork after a bereavement is such a kick in the teeth, especially as the only child who has to make all the decisions - and that’s before you consider the ongoing situation with your daughter’s mental health.

You are dealing with SO much. Very little of it is within your control.

Do whatever gets you though the day safely. Waste no energy besting yourself up for too much screen time or processed snack foods. Withdraw from ANY activity you can that won’t make life easier for you. Drop any needy friends or toxic relatives. Preserve your energy - if there’s an activity you normally love and you don’t feel up to doing it, now is not the time to push yourself. Let things drop, you can return to them later.

It’s not a comparable situation, but my mother died suddenly when my child was in autistic burnout, and I genuinely cannot remember much of the next 6 months. At some point I remember thinking, ‘this is too much, I just fucking can’t’ and a fuse blew somewhere in my mind. A part of me went into hibernation, and my body just cracked on without me, on autopilot. I felt like I was watching my life through foggy aquarium glass.

Life is still very complex, but feels more in the realm of the manageable now, nearly a year on.

Sending lots of love your way and wishing you and your daughter relief and respite.

Sorry for the loss. It is sad to hear that you are alone to handle all of it and the suffering your daughter is going through has to be managed by you as well. Can't actually say anything but time heals everything. If your daughter is diagnosed then refer to some other healthcare professional as well. Provide for her a management plan which suits her and could be followed everyday.