Are Samaritans helpful if I need someone to talk to?

[UnitaBath]

Despite suffering from my mental health for years I have only ever contacted them once, two years ago when I had hit rock bottom. I rang them but the line wasn't answered so I bottled out and hung up. Never called them again.

I am reaching that point again where I feel I need to talk to someone as everything is getting too much again. I have been to the GP several times and she has put me on a waiting list for more therapy but as it is on the NHS it is a long wait (already waited 5 months and looks as though it will be longer still). I simply can not afford anything privately, I did have some counselling last year with a trainee counsellor, at a reduced rate but I can't even afford that as I am in quite a bit of debt and need every penny to start to pay things off and as my income will be greatly reduced soon and I will need everything I have.

I know they won't have a magic wand but I just want to pour out my shit to someone right now. Are they helpful? I honestly don't know what to expect if I did call them, I don't even know how to start a conversation with them.

If you work, does your employer have an employee support programme?
They can usually provide 6 weeks of counselling at no cost.
No answer about samaritans specifically but they are there for those who need it so you could try. They are there for those who need them.

There should be local independent charities who provide counselling (free of charge). I have just had my assessment done over the phone last week and now on a waiting list for social prescribing sessions which then leads on to 10 to 12 counselling sessions (1-2-1). I am needing support as it's also getting too much for me as well.

Good luck.

Samaritans are there to listen only, might "guide" you to explore aspects of whatever you're telling them, but won't actively suggest anything too specific by way of solutions. They may "signpost" sources of assistance.

I found them really useful when I was at rock bottom. As you say, just someone to pour it all out to. They’re not judgemental, just sympathetic, and I found it great to just be able to talk and cry without being offered ‘solutions’. There are other services for that, but just for someone to listen, they are really good.

Yes they can be. Do you have a local crisis line? This is provided by mental health professionals and might be a better option? Alternatively local enterprise support group type things, I had free therapy from a women's support group and it came through very quickly. Your GP may have a social prescriber who can signpost these types of services. All the best OP.

I found them very helpful when I called them several years ago. They didn’t offer any solutions but listened and were sympathetic to what I was experiencing.

I found them really good.

I only work minimal hours self employed so no help.

Tbh, right now that's what I am looking for, someone to listen to my rampblings as I have so many plates spinning in the air and just need to off load as I am hitting rock bottom. I have had several rounds of counselling which kind of help at the time but due to things nose-diving in my life I don't always find that counselling helps me.

Thank you. I hope you get the help you need too, good luck.

Thank you, that's what I need right now.

They are good for listening but won't give advice. I have a DC who calls them often and it's made a huge difference.

Yes, my sister calls them multiple times a day and has done so for the last 2 years. She wasn't coping with her DH going into a care home and then dying earlier this year 😞
They've even arranged to call her back on a couple of occasions.
She's really appreciated their support and availability.
I hope you get the same.

Thank you. I am on a waiting list for specialist CBT, it's a long waiting list and the organisation will often send me texts to let me know I am still on the waiting list and they offer up a number to call for mental health crisis but I have been hesitant to call them as I wonder if it's more for people with suicidal thoughts etc?

I haven't found too much in my area other than the local college who offer discounted counselling with trainee counsellors, I had that last year but it hasn't really helped much in all honesty. I just think it's because I am currently in a shit life situation and just want to give up, not sure I even have the capacity in my brain right now to go through everything via counselling.

The CBT is all my GP has been able to offer me right now.

I think that is all I need right now, just to spill out my current woes, I can't keep boring my dh and friend with my issues.

Thank you, I really feel for her. I am caring for my mum who has advanced dementia and she will need to go into a care home soon. I feel that I have failed my parents and just need to let that all out as well as some major worries I have about my health. I don't think counselling will help with that but maybe someone just listening to my rambles would help?

I have no experience of this so maybe I just need to do it but I am afraid I'll start crying and never stop. I am not good at showing my emotions to strangers.

For me (and everyone is different), I have always found Samaritans massively unhelpful, to the point of making me feel angry and more distressed.

They can't do anything except listen, or give you signposting information to other services - information that, in the internet age, we can easily find for ourselves.

While a supportive 'listening' approach can be helpful in a real life encounter, on the phone it just means silences, interspersed with sparse, rather cliched, scripted expressions of ... what? ... performative warmth or acceptance of some kind.

Once, when greatly distressed, I made some mild expression of anger in response to the (in effect) absence on the other end of the line. Of course this made me feel really guilty, since there is literally nothing more that these minimally trained volunteers can give. So the only time I have used them since, I entered the conversation with an anxious people-pleasing concern to be as appreciative as possible for their unhelpful service. This meant that I experienced the whole call as being for their benefit, not mine; I was trying to make them feel ok about not being able to help me at all.

I worry a lot about Samaritans being so frequently linked to. It holds out a fiction of hope, and disillusion brings even greater despair.

(My caveat is that, for some people, it does seem to be helpful. I just can't understand how.)

I think it depends on who answers the phone. My dh was struggling terribly with mental health issues, he went on to have a full psychotic breakdown and one day, I was so desperate to talk to someone that I phoned the Samaritans. I'd never phoned before but had heard about them. I could hardly hear the man who answered the phone, he spoke so quietly, I realised he couldn't help me and ended the call. Years later I realise I should have phoned a mental health crisis line, someone who understood mental health issues. I hope you find the help you need.

Someone upthread referred to Samaritans as 'minimally trained volunteers', which is not at all accurate. They are volunteers, but the screening and training programme is extremely thorough, months long and pretty impressive, as is the mentoring and ongoing training - not done it myself but I have several close friends and relatives who are Samaritans. However, as others have pointed out it is specifically a 'listening' service and part of the extensive training is to learn how not to offer advice. They can signpost and offer other sources of help. Many people find it helpful just to talk to someone who is not judgmental and is able to listen. Of course not everyone will find that this is the service that is right for them and I'm sure some people do find it frustrating.

Thanks everyone. I will call them this week and see how it goes, maybe it will help, maybe not? Tbh, I don’t even know what it is that I want or need I just know I am struggling very much and don’t want to carry on the way I currently am. I have surgery booked in a month and I just need to be mentally ‘better’ or I’m sure I’ll have a breakdown of some kind.

Maybe I need to call a crisis number, I don’t know, I just feel so lost.

It depends on who answers the phone and what your expectations are. They will listen and give you space to talk. They can't advise you though. It's different to counselling - not that counsellors should be advising either.

I have called them twice in my lifetime. Once very helpful and the other not so much. I think it's worth a try, though.

The best help I found counselling-wise was with my local Quakers. I only needed 1 session, the man shifted my whole head somehow.

Probably lame if you need an actual person, but I find AI really helpful sometimes, especially if I say I don’t want advice just to vent etc

I know it can be dangerous for this kinda stuff, depending on how the person is feeling. But it can help just to write it all out if needed and you aren’t up to calling someone etc

I can’t help with the Samaritans but please don’t feel guilty about a parent going into a care home it is often the safest place for them to be when they can no longer look after themselves. No one should ever judge anyone for this and it makes me really cross so many people have no idea of the reality of caring for a person with dementia. Be kind to yourself xxx

Phone the crisis line OP. Don't worry that you're not suicidal. I've found them helpful in my past and the chap I spoke to recently was reassuring that I wasn't wasting their time. You feel that your mh is deteriorating, they are there to help.