How can I apologise to friend after ghosting during severe depression?

[NcBadfriend]

Met my friend in 2023 when we were both new in my city, one of the closest friendships I ever made. We hung out regularly but my friend had to relocate and leave the city after a year of us knowing each other (2024) and living close by. Despite that we still stayed good friends, kept in touch by regular messaging and within year of 2024 we even went on two holidays together.

Mid 2025 I was going through quite a lot. Bereavement, severe depression, and battling ketamine addiction which I had started taking to cope with the depression.

Because we weren’t living in the same city she never knew of these things I was going through and I hate being a burden it felt really inappropriate to mention dark topics if we weren’t in each others daily lives. I was so deeply ashamed of the ket addiction and feeling like a failure. I’ve now been sober from ket for a while, still have depression but much better at functioning - getting treatment, returned to work full time and trying to repair my life.
I’m ashamed that in 2025 I simply disappeared and ghosted my friend and never replied to her last messages which were back in late November 2025. She even kindly checked in on me few weeks before our last exchange “I’m getting a little worried as I haven’t heard back from you for a very long time. Is everything okay?” I apologised and explained the bereavement but then her subsequent replies to me I’m so ashamed I never replied to any.

I’m not excusing my behaviour and I know I am 100% in the wrong for pathetically ghosting, believe me I feel awful
I want to reach out to my friend and apologise but without seeming self centred, and I understand she has the right to not want to carry on the friendship.
Does anyone have any tips for apologising in this situation? I’ve written a draft but I keep rereading and feeling like it doesn’t sound right

Do you have her address? I think a card with a handwritten note explaining all you've written here would be a nice gesture.

For what it's worth, if I received that, I wouldn't feel annoyed, just really sad thag my friend had been through all that.

Please don't be afraid to contact her, I've had this happen to me twice by friends going through a hard time. I was puzzled by it but I completely understood when they explained and our friendships continued as usual. It sounds like your friend is kind so hopefully you will be able to continue your friendship. I'm pleased that you're recovering, wishing you all the very best 💐

I’d just try and be honest. Apologise for ignoring her, explain you were in a very dark place and didn’t feel able to keep in touch. I’d try and not put too much pressure on her for a response and accept that things may not pick up where they left off. Just use it as an opportunity let her know you remember her checking in on you and you are grateful for her friendship. Good luck 💕

Thanks, sadly I don’t have her current address

Initially I was going to ask for MNetters to review my full draft message but it feels wrong if its not genuinely coming from the heart.

I was wondering if anyone could review my last few lines of the message as not sure if this appropriate given I’m not entitled to a response for her and don’t want to seem like I expect something from her:

”I’ve really missed you! I hope everything’s been okay and you’re in a better place. I’d love to properly catch up when you feel ready but equally no pressure to reply. All the best, (my name)”

Why are you saying "and you’re in a better place. I"?

How are you planning to contact her?

Any apology, great - I wouldn't worry too much about how it's worded.

in October 2025 she had mentioned she’d had a stressful month. Maybe its not appropriate how I phrased it? Shall I remove

whatsapp, its how we’d stay in touch before

Great
Sorry, I was confused by the mention of addresses!

yeah, the better place thing is confusing

Anyway, I would've thought the less said the better

The main thing is that you're sorry and I think it's great that you're saying that to her

Trouble is with "ghosting friends" is that they're likely to do it again for whatever reason. I've had one like that and she did it again. That's why they don't come back. Blocked and deleted.

Just tell her basically what you’re said here. That you really value the friendship, you’re sorry you didn’t keep in touch but you didn’t have capacity to because of xyz but you’re doing much better now and would she like to meet up or have a phone call or something?

That's your perogative. Personally, if someone was a good friend, I'd give them the benefit of the doubt the first time.

I hate to admit I just used ai to review my last few lines too, it claims “It is honest, vulnerable, and deeply respectful.” but obvs don’t want to fully rely on a machines feedback

Ai only came with one suggestion to change sentence to:
‘I’ve really missed you! I hope everything’s been okay with you and your family.’

does that sound better? I want to sound like I’m focused on her wellbeing as I’ve never actually met her family but she would often speak a lot about her family as they were pretty close, and update me on things they had done together

Stay away from AI. She knows your usual way of writing and if she smells a hint of AI then you may as well not bother.

I would suggest that you write something short and succinct and do not ask her any questions or suggest meeting up. Send a single message into the ether that she can read without feeling like you expect a reply. I'd concentrate on saying one simple message along the lines of, you're sorry for ignoring her, you know it wasn't right and you hope she's doing well. But only say what's really true. Anything inauthentic could rightly have you blocked.

I'd want a brief explanation tbh. If you just sent me that and didn't explain what had gone on, I wouldn't respond.

If you said sorry and that you were going through a hard time then Id reply to you.

Sorry just to clarify that’s not my entire message just the ending because I wanted to run it past mnetters to make sure I didn’t sound too self centred like I was expecting a response from her (I don’t and respect her choice if she doesn’t want to stay in touch)

I felt bad for getting strangers to right the first as felt it had to come from me. I do provide a brief explanation and say how I was ashamed of it.

Thanks I completely agree and have not let AI write the message, I purposely wrote initial drafts myself without even checking AI so it sounded authentic. It was more just checking etiquette on the last few lines.

I’ve since sent the message and I think it reads in my usual message style

I’m glad I took out the “hope you’re in a better place” though which thankfully posters here flagged as it sounded awkward/inappropriuate

Just keep it simple and sincere. Do not use AI for any of it!