What is the point of carrying on with my life?

[HadEnoughOfThisLife]

I reckon if I dropped dead on a Wednesday night, it would be maybe 4 days before anyone noticed. Apart from the cat. And he’d only care because he wasn’t getting fed and is too fussy to eat my eyeballs and fingertips.
I live alone, no partner, no close friends, two grown up children; one I text a few times a week and speak to on the phone about once a week, the other….he’ll ignore my messages and get in touch when he wants something off me; no other relatives. I work 3 days a week, (Tues/ Weds in the office, Thurs wfh) go to the gym 3 or 4 times a week and go to a couple of other weekly activities. I’m perfectly friendly and chatty at work and these activities but don’t have any contact with those people other than when we are face to face. I meet up for a walk and a coffee with one friend once a week, and another friend once every few weeks, but we rarely engage other than to arrange meet ups. They have families, friends and busy lives. Other than that I have no day to day interactions with anyone except if I buy something in a shop. (“Would you like a bag/your receipt?’ etc) or the occasional “Hi how are you?’ chats with neighbours.

From a philosophical point of view, my life is meaningless. I am not content on my own but can’t seem to make meaningful friendships. I’ve been single for 15+ years, and know I am a bit odd and shy so please don’t say ‘all you need to do is join groups, friendships take time, put yourself out there, ask people for a coffee’ etc etc. I am just not that kind of person, so you could say it is all my own fault.

I feel like Woolworths or the local pub on the corner that closes down. Everyone is sad because it has always been there in the background, but nobody actually went and spent time or money there.

I’m not depressed in the clinical sense, but what is the point of carrying on with my life?

I watched this interview with Madonna and thought about you OP.

@SleepQuest33 thank you for sharing. I enjoyed it!

That I have all these thoughts swirling around in my head all the time but nobody to share them with. It's not just the 'why am I such a crap person' deep troubling thoughts, but equally all those trivial 'gosh, she's made a mess of that' when you're watching Bake Off that you'd share with a partner sitting on the sofa with you but you wouldn't store up for a week for the next time you see a friend. It's the getting no external feedback or balance so everything just bounces around that I want a break from.

I am going to leave this thread now, but I really do appreciate that so many of you have taken the time and effort to respond, even everyone who offered 'take up yoga and have a holiday' type advice. Even those responses have helped me to formulate and analyse my thoughts a little bit and start to get to grips with what I do and don't want.

I know I don't want to carry on the way I am; a seemingly cheery, capable exterior that is covering a pit of despair.

I will do some reading and find a professional to offload on.

Thank you

You sound depressed. Maybe you should go to therapy and think about all this.

I started keeping a journal when the thoughts started doing that to me.
I'd write a daily resume of how I felt and what had gone wrong (and right). Then I'd tell myself tomorrow was a new day full of possibilities.
I also started to treat myself more. Little things like a nice bath bomb. A nice bottle of something - not necessarily alcoholic. I read more, listened to music and danced like no one was watching just because I could.
Not sure if any of this helps.
I think few people have a life they feel is worthwhile but someone once told me if you make someone smile or laugh even just once during your day then it was a day worth living.

If you are still reading, have a look at my AMA. I think you might find it useful.

I don't think she's depressed at all. She sounds desperately lonely and feeling of no value and disconnected. Antidepressants doesn't change any of this. People need to feel wanted, connected, involved, of value and chosen.

I wanted to suggest Dialectical Behavioural Therapy, as it acknowledges the hardship and distress of life but also the dynamic of having to live (hence the dialectic). I think loosening your self-described “inward looking, self-critical personality” could be a good thing to start with.

Replacing self-criticism with compassion could be helpful (not in a superficial way where you pretend, but actually addressing long-established habits of self-blame). Sometimes inner critics can be real a-holes and stand in the way of living well. Wishing you well 💐

I didn’t mention anti-depressants; I said she sounded depressed. I work in mental health. To me it sounds like a textbook case of depression, with feelings of worthlessness, isolation and thoughts of death. She is indeed lonely, but depression often isolates people from others. Therapy would help her to think about all this.

@gjkvdtj yes to this. As a lone parent myself, I have spent years alone (except for my kid). The situation is full of heartache, sadness and depression inducing but what makes it worse is that these conditions do not make you appealing to other people, quite the opposite. When you need to connect, that's a complete bummer. Not only that but you overthink everything and blame yourself. it's a spiral. So difficult. Professional help with the right person is absolutely key.

Hi OP, I've thought of you since this post. How are you feeling now? I hope you feel a bit better x

Hello OP. This could have been written by me. I’m younger than you are, but this is all
I have been pondering for a few weeks now. In my case, every important milestone seems to have blown up in my face - death of my child, divorce, legal proceedings where ex-DH tried to kick me and DC out of the house, a neuro-divergent child with severe behavioural issues that I fee I can’t manage. I’ve tried to pick myself up each time, but then something happens, and so tired of it all. I now wonder what is the purpose of life and feel very disappointed when I wake up. I have no answers for you, but just to say I understand.

I'm like you, but I see a lot of my family. I haven't had a friend in several years. My DC older teenagers and I will be living alone in the next couple of years. I've also been single, for several years. I think it can be hard to meet someone when you don't have much of a social life, but could you and the friends you see start going to the pub for a couple and you might meet a nice man that way

Hi and thanks for thinking of me.
I’m still here and do read through this thread every now and then because I found it so thought provoking.

It’s very much an up and down existence. I’ve moved house, which was stressful to say the least, but kept me occupied, but Christmas with all its societal expectations of happy-happy extended families and friends has been hard.
I spent an afternoon and evening with a large family (not my family) and afterwards was sad that I have never been part of that kind of network where there is a lot of banter but you know that underneath is a solid foundation of unconditional love and support. I do know that many families are absolute shit shows of hatred and spite, but just the concept of having uncles, aunts, nieces, nephews and cousins is completely alien to me.

I don’t know, I think that I will never truly believe that anyone will like me until I can like myself. And I don’t see how I can ever actually like myself. So I just try to get through life pretending that I’m a nice, happy person not one consumed with self loathing.

And that sounds really shit - a total stranger has been wondering about me and caring that I’m ok, and it sounds like I’ve responded by flicking them the v’s. I’m actually not being dismissive, I really appreciate that @GiddyStork has followed up, I just think I am a lost cause.

Happy New Year!! 🥳

@RealPerson
A friend who is let’s say negotiating the end of a relationship, has suggested we have some nights out together and see if we can meet some potential partners. This seems a good idea to me as going out on my own is a horrifying thought and going out with friends who are already in happy relationships is never going to have to the right vibe.

Hope you find your joy in 2026! Life is hard don’t beat yourself up!

But if you feel like there’s no meaning in your life & that there’s no point in being here then why do any of those things matter?
what would you have lost if that’s how you truly feel?
from what you have described you don’t feel like you are living at all, let alone having six months left to really live.

it doesn’t have to be such big changes OP ( small ones like solo travel, volunteering and beginning therapy are a good place to start) but that post is really great advice.
the way your living right now isn’t working for you, so be radical and change it up.
or continue just existing?

That sounds really good

This. Only people experiencing what you are experiencing will appreciate your mindset. And why new friends/hobbies/activities outside your comfort zone/singles holiday… and all the rest of it.. won’t help one jot.

“Here we go again”.. yes. Why?

I’m with you OP.

Nothing to add OP, except I commented way back when you first posted. I just wanted to say, I see you 👐

There's lots of us around, who are also lost and lonely OP. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could all find each other and inadvertently, find ourselves.