What is the point of carrying on with my life?

[HadEnoughOfThisLife]

I reckon if I dropped dead on a Wednesday night, it would be maybe 4 days before anyone noticed. Apart from the cat. And he’d only care because he wasn’t getting fed and is too fussy to eat my eyeballs and fingertips.
I live alone, no partner, no close friends, two grown up children; one I text a few times a week and speak to on the phone about once a week, the other….he’ll ignore my messages and get in touch when he wants something off me; no other relatives. I work 3 days a week, (Tues/ Weds in the office, Thurs wfh) go to the gym 3 or 4 times a week and go to a couple of other weekly activities. I’m perfectly friendly and chatty at work and these activities but don’t have any contact with those people other than when we are face to face. I meet up for a walk and a coffee with one friend once a week, and another friend once every few weeks, but we rarely engage other than to arrange meet ups. They have families, friends and busy lives. Other than that I have no day to day interactions with anyone except if I buy something in a shop. (“Would you like a bag/your receipt?’ etc) or the occasional “Hi how are you?’ chats with neighbours.

From a philosophical point of view, my life is meaningless. I am not content on my own but can’t seem to make meaningful friendships. I’ve been single for 15+ years, and know I am a bit odd and shy so please don’t say ‘all you need to do is join groups, friendships take time, put yourself out there, ask people for a coffee’ etc etc. I am just not that kind of person, so you could say it is all my own fault.

I feel like Woolworths or the local pub on the corner that closes down. Everyone is sad because it has always been there in the background, but nobody actually went and spent time or money there.

I’m not depressed in the clinical sense, but what is the point of carrying on with my life?

It's your own choice to live life with meaning or not. Of course, if you just worry about what to eat and plod along doing nothing much your life will end up feeling empty of meaning. The world is full of desperate people and situations and there is no end to the good you could do if you made a bit of effort. You have to go out and find it for yourself though. There are people cleaning up the environment, planting trees, supporting sick people, mentoring young people, helping neglected children, rescuing animals, doing art. You don't need to have fun. If you're miserable, you may as well be miserable AND do something useful for the world. I don't know what you're good at, but you must have countless skills at your age. Organise a walking group for old people, start a pickleball club or walking rugby. Teach gardening to city kids. Join a committee that does something you support. Where did all this self indulgence come from? I wish people would stop ascribing to hedonism and individualism all the time. This is where it ends. Sorry, no offense, but really.

OP, why use meaning as a metric? Whoever said any of it has to be imbued with meaning? I guess you feel it's all meaningless. Meaning is a very fluid social construct, so maybe meaningless is ok. A choice, a lifestyle even.

Stripping it right back to an existential skeleton, who are we to decide what merits the title of having meaning? Again, everything and nothing could be described as meaningful, or not. Taking away the power of ascribing arbitrary value to everything might be the way. It doesn't have to have meaning. It just is.

Oh good - I think you will be good at it.

To just finish the dog point: dogs need us in a way that cats don't, and - on a pragmatic, but also philosophical level - being needed is related in some way to meaning. That's not to say that there isn't meaning without being needed - but it's significant.

Dogs demonstrate on a hourly basis that you are needed, and that's not nothing.

My cat quickly got used to the dog. Get one with no prey drive.

OP your post is heartbreaking so everyone is trying to help but your responses are prickly - which is fine. You obviously feel absolutely shit. I think a lot of people can probably relate.

At a different time, in a different mood, please do read through some suggestions though. Many are good, and they might help.

I think the meaning of life is to find something to smile about everyday. It’s stupid, it’s simple. It might be my dog and the way she ‘talks’, it might be a small work win, it might be having a nice dinner or a glass of wine.

comparison is the thief of joy, but it’s also a huge gift when you’re feeling shit. It could always be a lot lot worse.

Hope things get better OP.

Also, I also got a dog with cats. The dog is a million times better and I think gives such purpose actually.

I agree with this partially - 'it just is' is very liberating as a sort of rubric.

But I think that as an actual philosophy-for-life - to actually look that in the eye and be okay with it - is quite a different thing. I think only a particular type of person can be happy with that, and they are usually pretty detached from others from the start (and sometimes a bit puppet-mastery).

I think that to be human is to - not seek, exactly, but consider(?) meaning. To be aware of it's possibility? And that's all there is. You might not find it.

If you get a dog, though, you definitely will.

Friendlygingercat - I also didn’t want to leave this as your post struck me. Do you have anyone to talk to?

No offense taken, but did you read the bit in my initial post where I said 'please don’t say ‘all you need to do is join groups, friendships take time, put yourself out there, ask people for a coffee’ etc etc.’
If it matters, I was a school governor, I volunteered at the sports club when my kids were little, including admin, coaching and refereeing, over about 10 years. I also pursued a separate sport myself to a national level for about 15 years (how selfish and hedonistic of me!) but took an active, voluntary part in running the club, which did a lot for the local community, culminating in being the club chair and a trustee. I’ve done volunteering for gardening and environmental groups, I brought up two children alone without the support of parents (they were both dead by the time I was 40) or other family members.
No, I’ve never set up a lunch club for pensioners or engaged in foster care for neglected children, what a selfish cow I am!

But I don’t want people to be heartbroken by my situation!

Most people are saying ‘you have to find something that gives meaning to your life’ and I am saying ‘why?’ To make others feel better? If I killed myself (calm down, I’m not going to!!) they might be a bit sad, so I should carry on living a shit life so that they don'tz feel bad?

I don’t know…I think a lot of it is that I am not anybody’s No. 1.

Did you feel any differently about life when you did those things? This is not a suggestion post, am just curious! Have you always felt a level of malaise to a greater or lesser degree?

Finally got there. Your cat. One of the reasons, what are the others?

Have you considered counselling?

Read up on Nihilism, OP.

“I don’t know…I think a lot of it is that I am not anybody’s No. 1.”
Maybe just maybe….. you would be somebodies No. 1 if you were friendlier, more accepting of people’s ideas, suggestions etc. instead of saying no to everything, sniping and sarcasm in all directions.

And yes….. I do know that you said you didn’t want suggestions but it was inevitable you’d get loads. Because ultimately most people are kind and want to try and help rather than just say “oh dear your life is thousands of seconds of tediuous existence. Oh well”

Best thing I did was get a dog and I was never a dog person always had cats. Now I enjoy walking, visiting new places and even going away for nights at the Travelodge and seeing new places. Before my dog I barely left the house as my autism made it extremely hard. But now my dog is my best friend and that's fine for me. I didn't need people but eventually worked out a dog made a massive difference and I'm back to loving life

I’m sorry you’re feeling like this OP and, in truth, it resonates with me and I think you get to your fifties and if you don’t have a “purpose” such as children or grandchildren (I don’t) then you do think “what’s the point”. I keep on be because something drives me too (life force?) however, you may find this book interesting; Reasons not to worry by Brigid Delaney which gives an easy introduction to the philosophy of the stoics. Open University on OpenLearn also has a free short introductory course on philosophy. I’d also consider talking to your gp about medication as it can make a difference.

I can't answer for anyone else, but I enjoy life and feel sad that you don't. So I would try to think of things that might change how you feel for the better. Can you understand that feeling, wanting to help someone?
I don't feel people are morally obliged to go on living, but as this is the only life there is, and I find it to be a good life full of potential for joy, I deeply want everyone, including you, to have that too. And I think that you can have it.

I get it OP. I have never really cared if I die. I’m not going to kill myself but I just don’t care if I die. I have a family that needs me and meaningful interactions but I also find life hard and sometimes wish an accident would happen so I could just not have to do it anymore. What’s the point?
I do think you sound like you would like more connection with humans, but you don’t want to do anything about that so, there we go

I suspect I’ll be in the minority here OP but I get you. I keep plodding on due to kids and dog but if I could just quietly blink myself out of existence then the world would carry on and tbh no one would miss me. I feel like a sideboard filled with stuff that no one ever wants or needs that occasionally gets dumped upon.

Ah, scepticism about existence itself. Or, what’s the point? Indeed not an easy argument to address conclusively.

So I’d go back to the cat. The cat is never in any doubt about its own existence. Or itself. The cat believes in itself and is the best cat a cat can be.

So, be more Cat. They will survive us all, after all.

Are you opening up to them. Admitting you feel awful. It's the only way to get to real friendship.

Based on your post above, sounds like you’ve had an extremely busy life, very involved in so many things. You are probably one of those really busy high achievers that needs to feel needed in order to feel valued.

You sounds very difficult indeed! I know you don’t want any suggestions but you are still alive, not only that, you’ve got a good life, you’ve got another 3 decades or so, right? You need to find fulfilling within yourself and not based on others. My money is on you looking more on your spirituality (not religion). Try meditating and yoga (or similar).

My ds asks me the same question. He’s been suicidal on and off since the age of 11 and he too questions the reflexive insistence that life is so important. He’s relentlessly logical and the philosophy is beyond my scope.

What I can say is that I’ve also wanted to exit stage left, sometimes for prolonged periods of time, and always for at least one terrible day each and every month. In those times it seems like the most sensible, self evident, even kind and loving thing I could possibly do. But when I’m not in the grip of that mindset, I’m appalled at how close I came to unleashing utter devastation in the lives of my loved ones.

I’m not telling you that you’re wrong. I don’t think you are actually. We have to be a bit deluded to want to keep going. Sometimes though we are deluded, and it’s quite pleasant when we are. But for me, when I’m in the grip of the desire to go, I don’t remember ever feeling any other way, and I can’t imagine ever feeling anything other but this dreadful, slow blah. It’s only when it passes that I realise that I do have other thoughts and feelings, and I have are a pact with myself to wait 36 hours and reassess.

I have dc at home who need me. That helps keep me tethered. My sil waited til her dd was 20 to attempt suicide and had moved out and the fallout has been terrible. But there are still times when my sil cannot see the damage and still believes that she would just be quietly slipping away, unmissed.

The conundrum for me is that two things can be true. All the arguments for suicide are logical and sound, but the brain that creates them isn’t accessing all the information, including the information that information is missing. (If you’re interested in a bit of reading, there are some fascinating case studies from the 1950s (or thereabouts) of patients whose corpus callosum had been severed so that the left and right hemispheres of the brain couldn’t communicate. The capacity of the left hemisphere to create logical reason (that was factually incorrect) and convince itself it was true and accurate was fascinating. Everything we hear inside our heads has the ring of truth whether or not it’s true.)

I wasn’t being facetious before when I suggested a dog. The cat will get over it, and then have two creatures in the house to disdainfully ignore. I think you need a stronger tether. I understand that right now, you’re not looking for reasons to stay, but if there’s still some part of you that wants to hang on, you’re going to need to build defenses against those dark forces.

There are things you can do to fight back that aren’t clubs and coffee.

You sound exhausted and under appreciated. Can you carve out some time, even 10 mins a day, to do something that makes you feel like you again? Either something fun that makes you feel free or something kind that makes you feel useful? I know it sounds silly but it does help. If you can't do it for you then do it for your kids, hopefully it would be for you in time and you can start to feel better. I think we all feel painfully insignificant at times, lost or stuck, but we all have our part to play and can all find a way to enjoy life more, even if it's for a few moments in the worst of times. It is all 'seasons' and you don't know what's coming next. All the best

I think your post has struck a chord with a lot of us OP which shows there are probably thousands of people around you that can relate to that feeling.
You could find many meanings to keep you going, whether that’s a philosophy, Buddhist ideas about suffering, stoicism etc. Hobbies, creativity.
The idea that nothing really matters can be a liberating thing, who cares if you try something new and it doesn’t work out? Maybe be a bit selfish and just do the things that serve you and make you feel good, only you can figure out what that is.
Look up studies on Google scholar of things that make people happy, try them out.

I’m late thirties and don’t have a ‘normal’ life (no career, small social circle, no partner and kids) so I’ve had to find meaning and enjoyment in the small things. Things that help me are creativity, connecting with nature and keeping a gratitude journal.

Give things a try, you might as well