What is the point of carrying on with my life?

[HadEnoughOfThisLife]

I reckon if I dropped dead on a Wednesday night, it would be maybe 4 days before anyone noticed. Apart from the cat. And he’d only care because he wasn’t getting fed and is too fussy to eat my eyeballs and fingertips.
I live alone, no partner, no close friends, two grown up children; one I text a few times a week and speak to on the phone about once a week, the other….he’ll ignore my messages and get in touch when he wants something off me; no other relatives. I work 3 days a week, (Tues/ Weds in the office, Thurs wfh) go to the gym 3 or 4 times a week and go to a couple of other weekly activities. I’m perfectly friendly and chatty at work and these activities but don’t have any contact with those people other than when we are face to face. I meet up for a walk and a coffee with one friend once a week, and another friend once every few weeks, but we rarely engage other than to arrange meet ups. They have families, friends and busy lives. Other than that I have no day to day interactions with anyone except if I buy something in a shop. (“Would you like a bag/your receipt?’ etc) or the occasional “Hi how are you?’ chats with neighbours.

From a philosophical point of view, my life is meaningless. I am not content on my own but can’t seem to make meaningful friendships. I’ve been single for 15+ years, and know I am a bit odd and shy so please don’t say ‘all you need to do is join groups, friendships take time, put yourself out there, ask people for a coffee’ etc etc. I am just not that kind of person, so you could say it is all my own fault.

I feel like Woolworths or the local pub on the corner that closes down. Everyone is sad because it has always been there in the background, but nobody actually went and spent time or money there.

I’m not depressed in the clinical sense, but what is the point of carrying on with my life?

Don't you think your DC would miss you? And be heartbroken if you were not around? Are they in their 20s or 30s. They might at some point want to draw you in again for childcare or other stuff.

When it comes down to it they're isn't a point to anyone's life isn't there?

I'm similar but not exactly the same as you. I try to find joy in things that don't need other people.

I genuinely wish you well

That sounds tough. Thinking of you.

When were you last happy, OP? Were there things you used to do that you miss doing? Does your job or any hobby bring you any sense of purpose, meaning or satisfaction? Or are you just sad about your lack of meaningful relationships?

Perhaps there is one thing you could change (maybe not even a big thing) that might put you on a different track, even just a little bit.

I guess it's about reconnecting with what brings you joy and purpose. Maybe doing something completely different or out of the ordinary, even if it were for a short while - take a trip, do a course, start a new side hustle. Just trying to open up an avenue of change in a direction that sparks a little something inside you.

YABU. Mainly because the cat would probably forget all about his fussiness once a couple of mealtimes had been and gone.

Anyhow, there's also the children who would notice (even the one who sounds like he's part cat himself), your friends, colleagues and other people at the activities.

You can do activities because you do some already. So why not try some new ones?

I live a very solitary life too OP .
Apart from the interaction on the bus, or in shops or occasionally with a neighbour the only person I really talk to is my son. And he lives an hour and a half away so it's mainly phonecalls and messages and a face to face meeting every 2 or 3 weeks.
And yes on the one hand I'm lonely but because of my autism and extreme social anxiety the loneliness is generally better than the alternative of trying to socialise.

I feel sorry for my son because he will be the only one at my funeral, although hopefully his friends will rally round and perhaps attend to support him.

I do get a lot of pleasure out of very small things though , such as walking on the beach, gardening, doing jigsaws etc. So life is bearable.

I 'm sure your children, your work colleagues and your friends would miss you much more than you realise OP.

So I am supposed to hang around in the background hating my life until I am required to provide free childcare?

Have you ever tried anything completely unlike you? I always remember an episode of the old series Wife Swap (lol would never be called that now) and this woman who was perfectly happy with her life but an OCD cleaner - hoovered the house twice a day etc - went to live with a hells angels guy and his kids and so had to go out on the motorbike with them and meet all their friends and live with them for a week. She loved it - saw a new side to herself and became a HA herself when she got back home.

Is there anything you’d like to do if you only had a year to live? 6 month cruise, live on a barge, go skydiving, swim with dolphins, learn a language/instrument/ballroom dancing/how to live off the land or survival skills, become a National Trust / nursery/ church volunteer etc etc?

But why should I carry on with a shit life so that people I know aren’t slightly upset and maybe feel a bit guilty that they weren’t that bothered about me when I was alive?

I can’t think of any new activities that I want to try. And it is highly unlikely I am going to suddenly find meaning in life if I spend 2 hours a week learning to tango or prepare sushi or whatever.

Would you consider getting a dog? I love cats but they’re a little thin on the appreciation and it sounds like you could really do with being the most important and amazing person in the world to someone.

Dogs need walking, and once you’re with one it’s like being a member in a secret club where the other members nod discreetly at you and sometimes stop to chat about breeds and such. And these days (grits teeth) you can bring them absolutely everywhere with you.

You could always sell up & go traveling the world op. i would if I was in your circumstances i probably will when mine are older!

I felt like this in 2023. I was actively suicidal. I wanted to die. I didn’t tell my partner, my parents or my siblings. But I spoke to my doctor and cried my absolute eyes out. Medication doesn’t make friendships, but it does give you the confidence to carry on. I have been on it for a few years and feel fine as long as I take it. I’m in Northern Ireland so unlikely I’d be close to you to meet up but feel free to send me a message :) I wish you all the best xx

Is this the same for all of us? I live a meaningless life and I just thought of all my friends lives and they’re the same too. All just going through life finding happiness in whatever way we can. My DD is only 9 and I’m single and unless someone totally amazing comes along (doubtful unless Ricky Gervais knocks on) I will be single for ages. When my DD leaves home, or even before, I will carve a life out for myself as best I can. It will involve dogs/cats so I live in hope I’ll meet someone nice some day. If not, it’s fine. I will join everything I can to be sociable (even though I’m not).

I have one elderly relative left, that’s it. I do have some friends though.

Sorry I’m not more helpful but your children and your cat would very much miss you.

Do you mind if I ask what medication you are on?

Yes, but I haven’t got just 6 months to live and it is ridiculous to think that I would just walk away from my life to live on a barge. What would I do with my house and all the stuff in it , and the cat? Should I resign from work and hope I could find a job when I’d realised that living in a tent in the wild’s of Scotland wasn’t my life’s ambition?

So the friends you meet up with regularly are not close friends? They must be fairly decent friends to see you on the regular.
Also, would it be worth working full time and more days in the workplace around people? I've heard a lot of people really struggle with work from home. I work with children and find my job very rewarding (hard too!). I think it will keep me going a lot when my own kids go off to uni. I think the type of job you have can really make a difference to your outlook on life. I know my job is my purpose in life even aside from being a wife and mother. Something to think about?

Really? Apart from the practicalities - what do you do with all your stuff? Have you tried getting rid of stuff on ebay/fb marketplace, or do you just put it all in a skip?
And then you are just on your own in a foreign country having the ‘do you want a bag/receipt’ conversation in a foreign language.

What would you change to give you a sense of fulfilment?

I think people have genuinely tried to react and make suggestions. So I'm not sure what you wanted from your original post.

Give it to the kids, storage? Or just go nuts and hold a house clearance sale.
nowadays with technology its easy to use a translator both ways. Sometimes you just got to force yourself if your truly unhappy what do you have to loose?

I’m sad to read of how not happy you are @HadEnoughOfThisLife. You say you aren’t depressed but everything you’ve said suggests that you are in fact depressed. Especially the fact that you can’t think of any activity that would brighten your mood. And no point in any if the suggestions people on your thread have made.
I think having a chat with your gp would be a good idea. I also love the suggestion someone made of packing up and travelling around in a van (even if only in between being at home to work.
Hoping you can find some ways to experience more joy in your life. x

They are friends I have know for a long time, but clearly aren’t close. They are busy with their own partners/families/ work.
I don’t need to work to earn more money and while I quite like what I do it doesn’t define me as person. I get that when your children are younger it can be an escape from that side of life but I am beyond that stage.

Maybe you need a job that does define you as a person since your life outside of work is not bringing you much satisfaction.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health Resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.
We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.
We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

I‘m within 10 years of retirement. I really cannot be arsed to retrain for a new career, and like I said, I do like what I do. It’s just not the be all and end all of my life it never has been. Some people live to work and cannot comprehend that some of us are not driven to develop their careers.

Im single and childfree by choice and quite happy to be on my own. I have some hobbies and run a side hustle. But I have mobility and other issues that are getting worse and am often in a lot of pain Motivating myself to carry on gets harder. It seems that as soon as I reconcile myself to one level of pain and discomfort something happens to make it worse. Then the process begins again. I have set myself a time to end my life and am I am looking at New Year 2026.