What is this feeling - TW suicide

[Whatisthisfeeling]

Hi all. Middle aged male, long time poster under a different name.

I have constant thoughts about suicide that are quite frankly scaring the shit out of me.

I don't have any health problems, particularly mental health, that I am aware of but I seem to be constantly thinking about just giving up and I dont know what to do.

On the face of it, everything seems good. Reasonable decent job and reIatively comfortable. I am married, reasonably happily with DC that are almost grown and flown the nest and I cant help but thinking, that perhaps, it might be time.

I used to be so full of life, enjoying every moment and the definition of the life and soul of the party....but the last year or so, nothing really has changed in my life that I can put a finger on, but I just seem to have lost all joy and hope. Life in general just generally seems crap. Society in general seems to have gone to shit and the future seems quite bleak.

I dont think I am going to do anything daft, its just more of a constant simmering under the surface of "perhaps its just easier, once I get too fucked off with everything?"

Is this normal, depression, just a mid life crisis/funk or something I need to seek some sort of help with?

Thank you.

I do feel better this morning for having got it out there I think. Definitely some food for thought.

The 'chemical imbalance' theory was debunked decades ago. I'm not saying meds can't be useful when appropriate but they shouldn't always be the default option.

@Whatisthisfeeling I've experienced something similar to this this year. The wondering what it's all about etc. I'm in my mid forties one DC left home last year other one more independent every day. @justanothermanicmonday1 I also wondered about OCD. Being an OCD sufferer myself somethings sounded familiar.
OP do you think you feel tense or anxious?Sometimes I think I feel fine but if I lie down, breathe and really think about how my body feels I realise there actually is a lot of tension.