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Original poster

Adult daughter with debilitating anxiety

36 replies

Engolo · 15/10/2022 20:35

Hi, this is my first post so am slightly anxious myself about posting!

My 20 yr old daughter has had anxiety for many years (since around the age of 15) that has prevented her from getting out in the world. She spends most of her time in her bedroom and avoids any connection with anyone. It seems to take her weeks to build up her confidence to get out for one outing.. She seems to describe body dysmorphia and is petrified of people looking at her.. Does anyone have any experience of this type of thing or have any ideas that might help, or a specific type of therapy that she could look into?

I am feeling helpless… thanks :)

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 15/10/2022 22:15

Do you/does she know why this started - what the trigger was?

RedeeeOrNot · 15/10/2022 22:18

Do you know what started the anxiety?

RedeeeOrNot · 15/10/2022 22:18

X post!

AutumnCrow · 15/10/2022 22:24

I could have a guess that this has been accentuated as a result of the covid pandemic and its social consequences, but probably developed at a time when your DD was going through puberty/adolescence, engaging with social media (SM) and not enjoying the pressures of SM and school. For many, this comes on top of pre-existing issues that are often associated with puberty and post-puberty, such as anxiety around their bodies.

Does any of that ring true?

What a dreadful few years these young people have had. It's been awful.

Original poster
Engolo · 15/10/2022 22:30

@Eyesopenwideawake @RedeeeOrNot Thanks for your response.. actually I think that it was bullying at school that started it off.. secondary school was not the most stable for her..
she switched schools twice for various reasons and then lost touch with friends etc then her attendance dwindled to almost nothing by the end of year 11..

OP posts:
Original poster
Engolo · 15/10/2022 22:32

@AutumnCrow sure it has defo been exacerbated by COVID, and social media has had a huge impact too.. the body dysmorphia is quite hard to understand.. she says she can’t be happy till she has had surgery.. she can’t see how beautiful she is.. it’s tragic 😢

OP posts:
PandaOrLion · 15/10/2022 22:32

Does she want therapy?

if she wants a quick fix then CBT would be fine, if she wants to deal with how she’s feeling then looking for person centred on Integrative in person therapy is best.

im a therapist and only work with people who contact me themselves, so she might need to reach out to people if she wants it.

HouseBook · 15/10/2022 22:34

Has she not had any help at all?

Original poster
Engolo · 15/10/2022 22:37

@PandaOrLion I think after many years she is beginning to see that therapy might be the only option.. antidepressants haven’t worked and up till now she has refused to talk to anyone.. I was hoping the gp would refer her, but I’m not familiar with the types of therapy that might be best and the NHS is under so much pressure, not sure what availability there is.. she had some CBT when she was around 15 but says it didn’t help her at all.. do you think there’s a chance it might have more of an impact now she is older?

OP posts:
Original poster
Engolo · 15/10/2022 22:38

Thanks for your response.. she had some cbt when she was around 15 but said it didn’t help her at all..

OP posts:
RedeeeOrNot · 15/10/2022 22:41

OP it can get better with the right support. Is she willing to contact her GP?

Original poster
Engolo · 15/10/2022 22:46

@RedeeeOrNot I’m hoping that she will speak to the gp sometime soo. as she has been struggling so long.. I have been gently suggesting this for ages but she has said up to now that nothing and no one can help her..

I’m concerned she may not be able to share the honest truth about how it is affecting her.. dos anyone know if it’s ok to contact the gp on someone else’s behalf in a scenario like this?

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 15/10/2022 22:48

Some of my colleagues specialise in children and young adults - I'd be happy to pass on their details if you are interested.

tootiredtospeak · 15/10/2022 22:53

Most GPs now offer talking therapy which she wouldn't have to leave the house for. I would highly recommend it if she will have it. My eldest has ASD and very bad anxiety always has had but from the advice we have had from professionals over the years is to slowly reintroduce things that cause anxiety. So day 1 we will go out for 30 minutes to the shops rest of the day you can stay in. Day 2 1 hour to the place of your choice and so on. Build up to more time out of her room. It could be anything. A dog walk a trip to the post office. Slowly and surely back into the real world and real life and then anxiety management whilst she does it.

gogohmm · 15/10/2022 22:58

There's a book called (something like) dbt neurodivergent workbook which my dd rated. Also her online gaming community really helped at her darkest points

Original poster
Engolo · 15/10/2022 23:03

@Eyesopenwideawake I’d be v keen to hear about your suggestions.. many thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
Engolo · 15/10/2022 23:05

@tootiredtospeak that would be so nice, the slow and gentle build up to normal behaviour but sadly she doesn’t live with me and it’s tricky to manage daily interventions at a distance.. she’s with her dad atm and he struggles to even encourage her to speak to him

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Original poster
Engolo · 15/10/2022 23:07

@tootiredtospeak therapy that wouldn’t require her to leave the house would defo be a plan.. thanks I’ll ask her to check with the gp..

OP posts:
whatdodos · 15/10/2022 23:07

I don't have much advice sorry but here for any tips as I was slightly worried my mum had started a thread about me at first! 🙈

JamSandle · 15/10/2022 23:07

I was your daughter. Antidepressants changed my life. It's something to consider.

Original poster
Engolo · 15/10/2022 23:12

@whatdodos Sorry to hear you’re struggling too, hope you find some tips to help.. do you have a supportive family around you?

OP posts:
Original poster
Engolo · 15/10/2022 23:13

@JamSandle that’s really helpful to know.. what antidepressants worked for you? Thanks

OP posts:
tootiredtospeak · 15/10/2022 23:15

Do you not see her at all then. I dont mean to pry but is their circumstances that coincide with the anxiety such as a parental split. Do you have a civil relationship with her Dad you could suggest these things to him.

RedeeeOrNot · 15/10/2022 23:21

You need professional help. If your DD is unable/unwilling to contact her GP phone your surgery as asked to be signposted to anything that your local area offers for support

whatdodos · 15/10/2022 23:23

I do thank you, but I don't tell them the worst of it as I don't want to worry them or constantly seem like I'm moaning. I can imagine it's draining 😭 I may need to soon though as I can feel myself seriously losing the plot